How can I protect my husband's rights?

[PnutsMom]

Indiana - Long story short: I have a 17 month old son whose biological father has never established paternity, paid support or filed for visitation. I'm married and my husband is listed as the father on the birth certificate. No hard feelings btwn birth father and me (after the birth, I notified him and we discussed that he remain unknown and that my husband and I raise him; it wasn't a request, he offered considering he didn't want to be involved anyway) but I am worried that if something were to happen to me that the birthfather could legally take my son away from my husband (out of spite)who is the only father he knows. Should I serve him with papers or just ask him to sign over his rights? Does my husband need to legally adopt my son? NEED ADVICE ASAP! Thanks so much!

 

[nextwife]

Ummm. Is your husband AWARE that this child is NOT biologically his? Was he "in" on this decision to name him as the father and not seek to establish paternity of the biofather?

 

[sirxamiel]

Indiana - Long story short: I have a 17 month old son whose biological father has never established paternity, paid support or filed for visitation. I'm married and my husband is listed as the father on the birth certificate. No hard feelings btwn birth father and me (after the birth, I notified him and we discussed that he remain unknown and that my husband and I raise him; it wasn't a request, he offered considering he didn't want to be involved anyway) but I am worried that if something were to happen to me that the birthfather could legally take my son away from my husband (out of spite)who is the only father he knows. Should I serve him with papers or just ask him to sign over his rights? Does my husband need to legally adopt my son? NEED ADVICE ASAP! Thanks so much!

If something would happen to you, and the birthfather found out, he could get an attorney and petition the courts for a paternity test. But, he would have a very difficult time doing this. First of all, he is not on the birth certificate. Secondly, he has never been in the childs life. A court may or may not be able to grant him the paternity test. If by chance he is able to get this granted to him, then he could get a paternity test to establish him as the father. Once paternity is established, he could fight for custody. And he could get it IF there is no documentation anywhere that states he knew about the pregnancy. He could easily say he didnt know you were pregnant, and some family member told him you had a child, after your dead of course, and without some form of documentation proving it otherwise, he could say he just found out and since he knows he has a child he wants to take care of it. It would be a case of he said/she said. And if your gone, then he could use that in his defense. BUT, his first obstacle would be to get the paternity test. Like I said, he may or may not be able to do that.But it is not impossible. That scenario would pretty much be your call. I cant give you advice on what to do at this point. But those are the options he would have if something were to happen to you.

 

[PnutsMom]

I knew I shouldn't have shortened it, sorry. I'll try to comment/answer your replies the best I can without typing forever. Yes, my husband knows he isn't the biological father. I found out 4 days after our first date that I was pregnant by my ex. He had liked me for a long time and I accepted an invite to his company Christmas party and we really hit it off, but then upon finding out I was pregnant, I thought I should give it a try with the BF so I asked him to give me some space, but while I was taking the space, I realized that I was in love with him, so I asked him to marry me 2 weeks after our first date. He said yes, I broke the news to the BF who (understandably) was confused and pretty ticked off to hear that I was moving on so quickly and then began to doubt paternity to which he decided he didn't want anything to do with the baby (yes, I have documentation from saved email correspondence that he knew of the birth and decided not to be involved). I gave him the choice, he said no, and never contacted me again. I married my husband 6 weeks after our first date, we just celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We have our son and now a 3 month old daughter and his 2 children from his first marriage. I did contact the BF after the birth and he was much nicer and said that he didn't want to "interfere" in what we were trying to provide for "peanut" but that if I ever "needed anything, regardless of my status with husband" to contact him. I have never contacted him for anything, including money, just to give him updates, send pics and ask critical medical history on his family, that's it. That's been probably 4 times in 17 months. My husband and I never informed our doctor's of his actual paternity and until recently, "peanut" had no family medical history other than the few things I gathered from BF anyway because I'm adopted (I found my BM a year ago this month). I did contact BF yesterday and he said that he will do whatever my husband and I feel is right for "peanut" because he trusts us, but that he would like to make it perfectly clear that he did this (staying away) to lessen his confusion and allow him to have as "normal" a life as can be provided given the circumstances. He was great to add that he would suggest that I think long and hard about him signing over his rights given he's an accomplished person and in the event of his death, future success, etc, "peanut" could be missing out on those benefits. And he wants me to tell him the truth someday, which is a no-brainer because I'm adopted, everyone needs to know where they came from in order to know where they're going. So, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'd appreciate your continued suggestions, afterall, it takes a village (to raise a child)! THANKS!!!

 

[critterperson]

I knew I shouldn't have shortened it, sorry. I'll try to comment/answer your replies the best I can without typing forever. Yes, my husband knows he isn't the biological father. I found out 4 days after our first date that I was pregnant by my ex. He had liked me for a long time and I accepted an invite to his company Christmas party and we really hit it off, but then upon finding out I was pregnant, I thought I should give it a try with the BF so I asked him to give me some space, but while I was taking the space, I realized that I was in love with him, so I asked him to marry me 2 weeks after our first date. He said yes, I broke the news to the BF who (understandably) was confused and pretty ticked off to hear that I was moving on so quickly and then began to doubt paternity to which he decided he didn't want anything to do with the baby (yes, I have documentation from saved email correspondence that he knew of the birth and decided not to be involved). I gave him the choice, he said no, and never contacted me again. I married my husband 6 weeks after our first date, we just celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We have our son and now a 3 month old daughter and his 2 children from his first marriage. I did contact the BF after the birth and he was much nicer and said that he didn't want to "interfere" in what we were trying to provide for "peanut" but that if I ever "needed anything, regardless of my status with husband" to contact him. I have never contacted him for anything, including money, just to give him updates, send pics and ask critical medical history on his family, that's it. That's been probably 4 times in 17 months. My husband and I never informed our doctor's of his actual paternity and until recently, "peanut" had no family medical history other than the few things I gathered from BF anyway because I'm adopted (I found my BM a year ago this month). I did contact BF yesterday and he said that he will do whatever my husband and I feel is right for "peanut" because he trusts us, but that he would like to make it perfectly clear that he did this (staying away) to lessen his confusion and allow him to have as "normal" a life as can be provided given the circumstances. He was great to add that he would suggest that I think long and hard about him signing over his rights given he's an accomplished person and in the event of his death, future success, etc, "peanut" could be missing out on those benefits. And he wants me to tell him the truth someday, which is a no-brainer because I'm adopted, everyone needs to know where they came from in order to know where they're going. So, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'd appreciate your continued suggestions, afterall, it takes a village (to raise a child)! THANKS!!!

Your husband is considered his legal father so the BF has no rights to terminate.......If I were you I would talk to an attorney because legally the ex BF could come back in a couple of years and decide that he would like to be DAD......He may not get anywhere, but it could be very costly to fight him in the future. In the event that he changes his mind sometime down the line and all of the sudden wants to be a father... This happens in adoptions all of the time and it also happens in situations like yours. Good luck!