How can my boy-friend adopt my children?

[julie payne]

My husband was killed in Iraq in 2007 and we had two daughters together. Now I have a new partner who wants to adopt my children. How do I do this? I try to find info about it online but i can only find information for the UK.

 

[Zigner]

My husband was killed in Iraq in 2007 and we had two daughters together. Now I have a new partner who wants to adopt my children. How do I do this? I try to find info about it online but i can only find information for the UK.

US Law Only.
However, you will need to be married in order for your BF to adopt your children. If he adopts them NOW, that will mean that YOU are no longer their parent either.

 

[mistoffolees]

US Law Only.
However, you will need to be married in order for your BF to adopt your children. If he adopts them NOW, that will mean that YOU are no longer their parent either.

In addition, make sure that you both understand the consequences. If you were to divorce later, he could get custody of the children. Or if you get custody, he could be paying child support until they're 18 (or later).

And if he does decide to adopt them, it's really best to have an attorney to ensure that it's done properly. Since the adoption won't be challenged, it shouldn't be that expensive to have an attorney involved.

 

[HomeGuru]

My husband was killed in Iraq in 2007 and we had two daughters together. Now I have a new partner who wants to adopt my children. How do I do this? I try to find info about it online but i can only find information for the UK.

**A: consult with a family law attorney.

 

[julie payne]

thank you. One of our main concern for him adopting my children is so that if anything were to happen to me there is no question of his rights as a father to them. I talked to someone already about stating in my will that I want him to be their legal guardian but I was told that it may not stick if the judge decides the children should go to someone of blood relation. Also I believe that my mother-in-law (mother of my late husband) may try to get custody of them because she is very difficult and she does not understand me moving on after her son passed.

 

[LdiJ]

My husband was killed in Iraq in 2007 and we had two daughters together. Now I have a new partner who wants to adopt my children. How do I do this? I try to find info about it online but i can only find information for the UK.

Again, as others have said you have to actually be married to your boyfriend before adoption is an option, and in most states, you need to be married for a year or two before it would be possible.

This is not a step to be taken lightly at all. Its permanent.

 

[cyjeff]

thank you. One of our main concern for him adopting my children is so that if anything were to happen to me there is no question of his rights as a father to them. I talked to someone already about stating in my will that I want him to be their legal guardian but I was told that it may not stick if the judge decides the children should go to someone of blood relation. Also I believe that my mother-in-law (mother of my late husband) may try to get custody of them because she is very difficult and she does not understand me moving on after her son passed.

Children cannot be willed. They are not property to be given to legal strangers.

Therefore, if you wish your BF to take care of your children in the event of your passing, you need to marry him and then have him adopt.

By the way, I have never understood why people would think that a commitment to the CHILDREN is fine, but not to each other.

The courts want children to have a stable home... build one.

 

[mistoffolees]

thank you. One of our main concern for him adopting my children is so that if anything were to happen to me there is no question of his rights as a father to them. I talked to someone already about stating in my will that I want him to be their legal guardian but I was told that it may not stick if the judge decides the children should go to someone of blood relation. Also I believe that my mother-in-law (mother of my late husband) may try to get custody of them because she is very difficult and she does not understand me moving on after her son passed.

If you would answer the question (What state are you in?) there are other options.

Trying to assign a legal guardian in your will isn't going to help you. But in some states, the kids living with your new BF/husband would give him de facto parent status which would give him some rights.

OTOH, in some states, the mother-in-law wouldn't have any chance of ever getting custody.

And, again, make sure you understand what adoption entails. If you divorce, your new husband could possibly get custody and you could be paying him support. Or, if you get custody, he could be paying support. Are you both OK with that?

 

[julie payne]

Okay... I appreciate the concern from each of you. I have a wonderful home for my children. I am planning on marrying my BF. This is not something I am rushing into. This is something I am trying to get as much information about as i can before we move forward. Because I am the only parent my children have I take it very seriously when it comes down to who will be raising them. I know coming forward with "How can my BF adopt my children?" sounds pretty juvenile, however, I am not a child making rash decisions. I want what is best for my children. I understand that my future husband will have all of the legal rights and obligations as a father after adopting my children, as he should have the right seeing as he has been raising them and loving them as his own. Due to the fact that my husband was killed in active duty, I have a financial draw back to getting married at this moment. However, that will not be the case in the near future, which will allow me to get married and be able to provide well financially for my children. I feel badly that I had to give up some personal information due to cyjeff's rude response. I don't believe you had enough information about my situation to say such rash things.
I live in California. Thank you.

 

[mistoffolees]

Okay... I appreciate the concern from each of you. I have a wonderful home for my children. I am planning on marrying my BF. This is not something I am rushing into. This is something I am trying to get as much information about as i can before we move forward. Because I am the only parent my children have I take it very seriously when it comes down to who will be raising them. I know coming forward with "How can my BF adopt my children?" sounds pretty juvenile, however, I am not a child making rash decisions. I want what is best for my children. I understand that my future husband will have all of the legal rights and obligations as a father after adopting my children, as he should have the right seeing as he has been raising them and loving them as his own. Due to the fact that my husband was killed in active duty, I have a financial draw back to getting married at this moment. However, that will not be the case in the near future, which will allow me to get married and be able to provide well financially for my children. I feel badly that I had to give up some personal information due to cyjeff's rude response. I don't believe you had enough information about my situation to say such rash things.
I live in California. Thank you.

Adoption is not necessary for you to get married and provide for your children. There are certainly other reasons, but the ones you've cited aren't really valid. And it is entirely possible that your soon-to-be-husband would be able to keep the kids if something happened to you as a de facto parent.

As you were told, you're not likely to be able to adopt until you've been married for some time. And even then, it's not a DIY project. I would suggest that you spend some time with an attorney so that you understand what is involved as well as your rights and responsibilities.

And I don't see that anyone was rude to you.

 

[julie payne]

Thank you for all of your advice.

 

[cyjeff]

Due to the fact that my husband was killed in active duty, I have a financial draw back to getting married at this moment. However, that will not be the case in the near future, which will allow me to get married and be able to provide well financially for my children. I feel badly that I had to give up some personal information due to cyjeff's rude response. I don't believe you had enough information about my situation to say such rash things.
I live in California. Thank you.

Ah... so I was rude to you because I was honest with you.

Again... the courts want a stable home for children. The fact that you and your boyfriend are not married shows a lack of commitment.

The fact that you think you have a really good reason does not change that assessment in the court's eyes.

 

[julie payne]

Got it. Thank you.

 

[julie payne]

I see that adoption is not the only option for my situation. I will speak to an attorney and seek out all other options. Thank you all for you opinions and advice.

 

[Banned_Princess]

I don't think CA will allow you to block visits with their grandparent, especially if the father died in active duty.


I hope thats not what you are trying to do...