How do I make it stop???

[meandmykids]

What is the name of your state? GA
I don't know how much more of xh I can take! He moved away back in March, we were so glad he was gone. We heard nothing from him for about 4 months- it was great! The kids were so much calmer, so much more secure, there was real peace in our home for the first time in a long time.
Then, on July 9 I got a certified letter from him about the kids coming for their summer visitation. I refused the letter, knowing the kids couldn't go because 30 days later was just 2 days before school. (He has to give 30 days notice). But we heard that his brother was getting married this weekend, so we sort of braced ourselves for him coming...

So Friday I pick the kids up from school, then do some school shopping, go to a cheap dinner and the dollar store, just walking around having a good time. We get home about 8 and get in jammies....

Suddenly their is a LOUD knock on the door. I am talking to dh on the phone (he is still at work) and I look out the window to see xh in the front yard with a policeman! The cop bangs again and I open the door- I am in my long nightgown holding the baby who is just in a diaper....
The cop has a copy of the court order regarding the summer visits and asks if I know about it. Xh stands right next to him and says here's the letter she refused to take and says he has called repeatedly to try to talk with us. (LIAR) I said yes I know and the reason we refused it was because the kids would be in school when he wanted them for the visit. Xh says that doesn't matter- legally I can still take them. The cop says- No, actually you can't. Legally I won't make her give them to you if they are in school! The cop asks how old the order is, I tell him about 3 years, he tells xh you will have to get this amended if you plan to have them during school times. Xh is obviously pissed at the cop, I am almost laughing! I motioned for the cop to come back and then told him xh won't dare do anything because he knows he owes about $10,000 in arrears, he is just trying to make trouble. The cop agreed he says yea- he is just trying to use me! He says he should have a warrant for his arrest based on the child support not being paid. Xh ended up leaving after getting a report from the cop- like that will do him anygood...

Meanwhile the kids have run to their room, shut and locked the door because they were so scared, they are crying, thinking I was going to jail... ds says why is Daddy being so mean to mommy? If only he knew how damaging his stupidity is to the kids....

This is the second time he has come with the cops thinking he can get whatever he wants- it didn't work last time either! Not to mention the lies he reported to DFACS about us- that was quickly dismissed also... what is next????

 

[stealth2]

He was well within his rights to do what he did - and you knew he would. Honestly? The cops are generally clueless when it comes to family law. I'd find myself a lawyer to defend myself against his filing for contempt.

You're as much to blame as he is for the kids witnessing this scene. You could have accepted the letter and addressed it legally instead of ignoring it and having him take the action you expected him to take. Shame on you for putting your kids through that.

 

[meandmykids]

He was well within his rights to do what he did - and you knew he would.

You could have accepted the letter and addressed it legally instead of ignoring it and having him take the action you expected him to take. Shame on you for putting your kids through that.

My my- aren't we judgemental today? What makes you think I knew he would do this? Hate to break it to you but this was not my fault. The only mistake I made was coming here....

 

[theother]

There were better ways to handle that. You should have accepted the letter and then dealt with the fact that he couldn't have the summer visitation with him. All you are doing is escalating the situation.

 

[meandmykids]

Yes- you are right, I realize now that I made a mistake by not taking the letter.... unfortunately I can't change that now. But I had no idea he would do that- I just figured he would call...

 

[theother]

Is there any way that you guys can work things out amicably, so that the visitations aren't so hard on the children?

 

[MamaLlama]

Poster. You said in an earlier post that you were "bracing yourself" that you knew he would be in town. Also mentioned that this is the second time he has done this ie getting a policeman at your door. How could you NOT anticipate his behavior?

I think MommaT was just pointing out that you cannot claim ignorance given your previous comments and his previous behavior. We all have to consider the fact that doing nothing is is still a response.

 

[hexeliebe]

My my- aren't we judgemental today? What makes you think I knew he would do this? Hate to break it to you but this was not my fault. The only mistake I made was coming here....

Seems you are looking for validation for what you did. And you won't find it here. Simply because you committed contempt of court when you refused to allow him to take the children based on the court ordered visitation requirements.

You may not want to hear that, but I agree with Momma, the xh was entirely within his rights to force the issue.

The ONLY recourse you have at this time is to return to court (and hope your ex does not ask the court to charge you with contempt and you then face jail time) is to return to court for a modification of the visitation order which stipulates that notice is to be given 30 days prior to visitation and that visitation must end no later than one calendar week before the beginning of the school year.

And next time do not refuse any letter from your ex. even if it's just a letter to your children or to inform you that visitation is requested. This could be construed by the court as evidence of contempt PERIOD!

 

[stealth2]

And next time do not refuse any letter from your ex. even if it's just a letter to your children or to inform you that visitation is requested. This could be construed by the court as evidence of contempt PERIOD!

Bingo. That's what I'm in the process of doing. My ex has refused every piece of mail I sent to the kids this summer, and has emailed me to tell me that he would not give them any mail. You can bet that each letter is in my lawyer's hands and will find its way in front of a judge. Refusing to accept mail is just as much of a statement (albeit a passive-aggressive one) as any other type of response.

 

[meandmykids]

How could I not anticipate his behavior? Maybe because I don't think like a loony like him. Yes, we thought he would be in town, though there have been other times we thought he would be and he wasn't.

I did not stop him from his visitation. The weekly visits were the only thing he was told he couldn't have and I can say no to them whenever I want- as the CP that is my perogative and is not contempt. Even the law recognizes and supports that, especially if it involves school- that is why the policeman said they didn't have to go. If he wanted the weekend visit with the kids, I would still have let them go, but he didn't didn't even ask for that.

Momma tiger- I can understand your frustration with your ex and the letter situation. Your mistake is thinking all the rest of us are like that.

Yes- next time I will not make the mistake of not taking the letter. Like I mentioned before, I just figured he would call. Especially since the last time it did him no good to call the cops, I thought he would understand it doesn't help him. Again, I don't think like he does....

If he is stupid enough to try and file for contempt, which I doubt he would be, we will present the real facts, and I am not worried about the truth coming out. He should be more worried that they will also know about the contempt action we just finished up with against him for not paying support for the last year.

 

[hexeliebe]

If he is stupid enough to try and file for contempt, which I doubt he would be, we will present the real facts, and I am not worried about the truth coming out. He should be more worried that they will also know about the contempt action we just finished up with against him for not paying support for the last year

as the CP that is my perogative and is not contempt. Even the law recognizes and supports that, especially if it involves school-

Before you make such comments you had better sit down with a qualified attorney and get your facts straight.

Number 1: Support and visitation have nothing in common. They are separate issues in the eyes of the law, and just because your ex didn't pay child support doesn't mean he gives up the right to visitation.

Number 2: As the CP your only PEROGATIVE is to follow the court ordered visitation schedule to the letter. PERIOD. I don't care what the laws of your state say. If it's not in your visitation order, or if your visitation order issued by a court in your state, violates specific state statutes, it presides over your case.

In other words, I gave you the options to return to court and have your visitation order amended to fit the situation. It's up to you to take the suggestion or continue with this petty crap.

 

[stealth2]

as the CP that is my perogative and is not contempt. Even the law recognizes and supports that, especially if it involves school-

Wrong! LOL Sorry, hon, but a judge can (and very well might) order visitation that requires the kids to miss school. BTDT. Mine miss a minimum of a half day a month due to visitation. And the judge ordered me to allow the kids to miss a week last year so that they could go on vacation with their Dad.

You do NOT have the right to refuse visitation as specified in the order. If it is outside of the order, you can, but expect that he will file against you and you may find yourself writing notes to the school.

 

[meandmykids]

Before you make such comments you had better sit down with a qualified attorney and get your facts straight.

Number 1: Support and visitation have nothing in common. They are separate issues in the eyes of the law, and just because your ex didn't pay child support doesn't mean he gives up the right to visitation.

Number 2: As the CP your only PEROGATIVE is to follow the court ordered visitation schedule to the letter. PERIOD. I don't care what the laws of your state say. If it's not in your visitation order, or if your visitation order issued by a court in your state, violates specific state statutes, it presides over your case.

In other words, I gave you the options to return to court and have your visitation order amended to fit the situation. It's up to you to take the suggestion or continue with this petty crap.

Number 1- I realize that! I was not saying he couldn't have his weekend visit, just NOT the whole week because of school!!! We have never denied his weekend visits and never will.

Number 2- the only court visitation schedule is the weekend visits and we have always abided by them. The summer week visits are up to me- this I HAVE already clarified with the lawyer!

I get the feeling there are too many different laws and stipulations based on the thousands of different words in different decrees, therefore all the confusion and accusations of petty crap.