How do you handle Frustration of visitation properly?

[papaof2]

What is the name of your state? California

I have been divorced for almost 4 years. We went through mediation and I have custody of my son while my ex has custody of our daughter, effectively making this a joint custody separation. There are no visitation stipulations in our settlement agreement. We try to share the kids 50/50 through out the week. We have particular days we are accustomed to but we change them at times. We live near each other so it works out with school, etc. Recently, she decided to Not drop the kids off on Saturday morning like she has done for the past 3 years. Her reason: I'm not up to date on child support. I had lost my job and making ends meet has been tough. She lives with her mom I feel the kids are totally ok. I told her she can't deny visitation. But she really feels she can do whatever she wants. I've heard that sending her a letter certified mail on frustration of visitation would be a good start. Then if that doesn't work- file contempt of court. (I just HATE to rock the boat) I also need to file to modify my support. Questions are 1)Are these the right steps?? 2)What are the basics I should put in this letter? 3)Should I notify our mediator of the letter AND does he need to know about the modification of support? -since he put the agreement together.

Thank you for help on this!!!!

 

[SMURFEELAW]

By saying there are no "visitation stipulations" do you mean there are no set times days? If not then she is not in contempt so filing would be useless. I can't tell you on the frustration of visitation but I would file the modification immediately and pick your kids up from school or wherever and have your visitation (this is only if there are not set days and times) if there is a set schedule then file the contempt.

 

[papaof2]

By saying there are no "visitation stipulations" do you mean there are no set times days? If not then she is not in contempt so filing would be useless. I can't tell you on the frustration of visitation but I would file the modification immediately and pick your kids up from school or wherever and have your visitation (this is only if there are not set days and times) if there is a set schedule then file the contempt.

That's right, there are no set times and days. Only that we split visitation 50/50. Today it will have been a week. I'll submit a letter to my mediator and ex. Since she specifically said "You can't see them until you catch up on child support" and that it's been a week, I'm hoping that this will give me some sort of leverage!!

 

[SMURFEELAW]

So the 50/50 is signed by the judge? if it is there still may be a question as to contempt b/c who says you guys don't have 2 weeks with mom two with dad or 6 months with you 6 months with mom. Either way though file to modify support, although you will most likely still be responsible for the whole amount due up to the date of filing then if you get a modification it should date back to the date you file. I would also request that the Court/mediator clarify your schedule better week on week off which day you switch b/c at this point w/o a written schedule it is all he said she said. Good Luck and in AZ non-payment of support CANNOT be used as a reason to withhold visitation they are considered seperate issues so I would check to see how CA handles that.

 

[papaof2]

So the 50/50 is signed by the judge? if it is there still may be a question as to contempt b/c who says you guys don't have 2 weeks with mom two with dad or 6 months with you 6 months with mom. Either way though file to modify support, although you will most likely still be responsible for the whole amount due up to the date of filing then if you get a modification it should date back to the date you file. I would also request that the Court/mediator clarify your schedule better week on week off which day you switch b/c at this point w/o a written schedule it is all he said she said. Good Luck and in AZ non-payment of support CANNOT be used as a reason to withhold visitation they are considered seperate issues so I would check to see how CA handles that.

I see what you are saying about contempt it would be hard to prove either way without specific documentation I suppose. We had originally tried not to have a rigorous schedule to make life easier for the kids. However, I will notify her and the mediator (since there is a stipulation to see him first in the aggrement) that I may have to request set times and days. Just to set the ball in motion. I have looked it up in CA- that support payments and visitation have NOTHING to do with each other. And I realize that I will probably have to owe back support for the months I'm behind. oh.. well.

 

[casa]

Papa~ LMAO about the swapped usernames How does an IT guy make such a mistake? LOL LOL Anyway the birthday party was fun...sorry I left the site logged on in the computer room ...but kind of glad you found it and are using it.

OK...it's not visitation. It's joint CUSTODY. You have joint physical custody (50/50) She is absolutely breaking the court order because she is not allowing you to see the children.

I'd start by filing to modify the order to include SET days (the ones you've been doing all this time- but in writing) Then I'd get declarations from your neighbors, the teachers at school, Tae Kwan Do teacher etc. etc. who have observed you being with your children on those days. File them as an attachment to your previous case file. Of course you should contact the mediator first, he may advise her to knock it off. Child support and Child custody are not the same issue.

My recommendation was a letter of your intent to exercise your JOINT CUSTODY (not visitation). Certified mail, return receipt. Note that if she continues to deny you your custodial access, you will file against her in court for contempt.

Re; child support, also bring that up to the mediator and request to temporarily adjust your support according to your unemployment- offer assurance you will notify when you find the new job and re-adjust at that time.

OK...need some tea after that Twilight Zone post episode

 

[ENASNI]

phew

OK...need some tea after that Twilight Zone post episode ~~ casa

Okay mi casa is mi casa again

Make mine a Long Island Iced Tea... that was scary, I thought I was losing it
more than usual..

Okay, sorry OP back to regularly scheduled program.

Good luck

 

[casa]

OK...need some tea after that Twilight Zone post episode ~~ casa

Okay mi casa is mi casa again

Make mine a Long Island Iced Tea... that was scary, I thought I was losing it
more than usual..

Okay, sorry OP back to regularly scheduled program.

Good luck

LOL Si, es su casa aqui! Long Island coming up

 

[heartbrokenmom2]

Quick News Flash.....

Very important factor we must consider.... that i dont think any one remembered....... CHILD SUPPORT AND CUSTODY/VISITATION HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER, SHE CANNOT JOIN THEM EITHER meaning the fact that you have not paid child support or are behind has no baring on your RIGHTS to see your children, i mean its not like we are repossessing a car people.... the man has 100% right to see his daughter matter a fact you should email her this news flash and she should know that THE ONLY THING SHE IS DOING... is ALIENATING the child THATS ALIENATION directly with holding the children as if they were some kind of ransom for the depth of her bank accounts or pockets THATS DISPICABLE>>>>>

AND NO JUDGE, can attach the two the fact that you may be going thru "hardship" HINT HINT.... the correct word you should use in filing your SUPPORT MODIFICATION.... doesnt mean that you have suddenly become an imbosile ( i most definitley spelled that wrong! (.........) as i was saying it doesnt mean your all of a sudden PARENT HANDICAPPED..... she is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG... she may not be directly breaking a court order THAT IS TRUE... because she can go to court and say that i was going to give the kid up 6 months out the year or every 2 weeks etc, as loong as it adds up to half the time in the YEAR well.... she's then got an exuse, NOT A GOOD ONE< not one that would hold up but an EXUSE....

I am used to the tricky other side, i go thru so much of it with mine and i work in matrimonial, so in this particular field i am fluent its when it comes to MY problems that i cant function.......

as i was saying so YOU SHOULD DO THE FOLLOWING.........

1. MODIFY YOUR ORDER OF SUPPORT IMMEDIATLY... if you dont you are WILLFULLY neglecting to pay a court ordered sum of money therefor... willfully neglecting to follow a court order, so basically in english,... the judge would feel like your telling her to go screw off along iwth her court order get it... which by the way could end up in your butt visiting the slammer until you understand the judges response to your neglect which could be in certain states 1 yr and in certain states LONGER?????? SO HEAR ME ROAR NOW?????what i recommend is that if you cant afford to mail in the WHOLE amount of what she ordered MAIL IN WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD so when you go up to court for modification to lower, you already have an answer to HOW MUCH YOU CAN AFFORD TO PAY! understand....

2. MODIFY THAT JOINT ORDER... if you she doesnt want to .....nicely then head for full custody with a major plan of getting full custody but a minor plan of solidifying the days of visitation for each... REMIND HER.... that using your child as a TOOL to minipulate the other half to do what you want LOOKS REAL BAD IN A JUDGES EYES.... and easily proven too!

3. STOP WASTING TIME get your butt to court, the longer you wait the more negligent you look,.... your the father... she is the mother.... thats written in stone... so you follow the rules that your given by a judge and by your rights as parents, the minute you become selfish and rock the boat... guess who pays the price.... scratch your head buddy... its the kids... they should not feel like the prize object they should feel that the relationship although NOT PERFECT but hte relationship the two parents have is an example to follow and live by... not one to say I WILL NEVER BECOME LIKE THEM... get my point??????

GOOD LUCK and as i said, do not put off for tomorrow what you could do for today, take the bull by the horns.... she thinks she is in control... good, let her, not do right by your kids..... and make sure they know taht daddy wants to see them....

GOD BLESS YOU and i have you in my prayers... heartbrokenmom2

 

[papaof2]

ok- makes sense

Ok. I get a clear picture now! It is bad when parents use the kids for leverage. Trust me, I feel just as heated you do! I will follow up with a post with results. But yeah, I NEED to start the court process now and not pussy foot around.

Thanks CASA- true, it is a custody issue. Points taken. Lots of great advice! And sorry about the musical username episode! My 'puter tricked me... !!

 

[SMURFEELAW]

in AZ non-payment of support CANNOT be used as a reason to withhold visitation they are considered seperate issues so I would check to see how CA handles that.

heartbrokenmom2---> the issue wasn't quite looked over just not as poetically (allbeit heavy metal poetry) put as you did. I thought CA was the same as AZ but I didn't want to jump the gun and be wrong.


But I do agree with heartbrokenmom2----> Get it done, File to modify but in the mean time get to your children and let them know you love them and want to see them


Good Luck