How does adultry affect a divorce with proof?

[254lady28]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I have recently found out that my husband has been cheating for the last two years. It was not the typical type of cheating you are probably thinking of but (I feel) much worse.

Knowing what I do now I think he may be a sex addict.

He is actuve duty military currently doing recruiting. I have physical proof that he had an email account where he was having multiple conversations as well as photo swaps of genitailia with hundreds of women...some of who he was putting in the military. I have access to this email of his, a cd of a sex profile he had created with his genitailia all over it and tons of conversations he had with women setting up contact times where they could get together.

I don't have any proof of him actually commiting the act of intercourse but I am wondering do I have enough to nail him on adultry? What exactly is alamony and how does it help during divorce?

Thanks to anyone can help....
Depressed and distressed wife

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I have recently found out that my husband has been cheating for the last two years. It was not the typical type of cheating you are probably thinking of but (I feel) much worse.

Knowing what I do now I think he may be a sex addict.

He is actuve duty military currently doing recruiting. I have physical proof that he had an email account where he was having multiple conversations as well as photo swaps of genitailia with hundreds of women...some of who he was putting in the military. I have access to this email of his, a cd of a sex profile he had created with his genitailia all over it and tons of conversations he had with women setting up contact times where they could get together.

I don't have any proof of him actually commiting the act of intercourse but I am wondering do I have enough to nail him on adultry?

Thanks to anyone can help....
Depressed and distressed wife

Is he aware that you're accessing his email? What do you hope to gain? How long have you been married? Are there children involved?

 

[cyjeff]

possibly... and for the creation of pornography.

Of course, you also took a copy of it.

Turn him in if you want.

 

[cyjeff]

alamony would help you during a divorce if you get it.

If you don't have any proof of him actually commiting the act of intercourse, my guess is that you would need to lie to the court and hope to nail him that way.

Alimony is the proper word.

We will not EVER recommend lying to a court of law.

I know you have an axe or two to grind, but you crossed the line.

 

[Bali Hai]

Alimony is the proper word.

alamony is the word SHE used jerkwater, have you ever heard of speaking to someone from their frame of reference??

We will not EVER recommend lying to a court of law.

I didn't RECOMMEND that, I only suggested that if she is hell bent to "nail" him, that's the only way she MIGHT get away with it.

I know you have an axe or two to grind, but you crossed the line.

Crossing the line is nothing to me. My two axes are sharp, watch out for the other ones!!

 

[254lady28]

trying not to give wrong impressions

I don't intend on lying in court. Sorry I spelt Alimony wrong.

He is a army recruiter which in civilian world would be a carreer counsler. He was not only exploiting himself for sex but he was also receiving naked photos of women he was enlisting into the army. There were also numbers of emails that have conversations between him and these women, their plots to meet up, what they would do to each other, etc. I found out he's been doing this since 12/2007.

We have been married a little over a year. He of course is bread winner and I am in Tech school for nursing. I live in PA with him because of him and his military carreer. My family and support are not in PA. (I'm just giving background in case it pertains to this situation)

Please don;t be nasty to me. I am here to find help. I have enough nasty things to deal with at home currently to hold me over for a long time.

I have complete control over the email. I cracked his password and changed it so he couldn't delete the evidence. He deleted his sex profile online but I was able to save a copy of it to a dvd before he erased it.

To gain? I'm not sure. I've never dealt with anything like this before. I've asked him to seek counseling to help him with his addiction because if the army was to know what he's been doing I would think it could end his carreer. Also I really think this is an addiction and if he doesn't get help it will only get worse and he'll only hurt more people.

I just would like to know my options incase he gets ugly with me. Sort of like having ammunition. Just because you have it that doesn't mean you'll have to use it.....only if forced. I want to know my options in order to gain some security about what it is I'm dealing with.

We share no children together. I have a son from a previous marriage and he has a daughter from a previous one as well.

Thank you in advance for any helpful advice....Sorry I was so long winded.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't intend on lying in court. Sorry I spelt Alimony wrong.

He is a army recruiter which in civilian world would be a carreer counsler. He was not only exploiting himself for sex but he was also receiving naked photos of women he was enlisting into the army. There were also numbers of emails that have conversations between him and these women, their plots to meet up, what they would do to each other, etc. I found out he's been doing this since 12/2007.

We have been married a little over a year. He of course is bread winner and I am in Tech school for nursing. I live in PA with him because of him and his military carreer. My family and support are not in PA. (I'm just giving background in case it pertains to this situation)

Please don;t be nasty to me. I am here to find help. I have enough nasty things to deal with at home currently to hold me over for a long time.

I have complete control over the email. I cracked his password and changed it so he couldn't delete the evidence. He deleted his sex profile online but I was able to save a copy of it to a dvd before he erased it.

To gain? I'm not sure. I've never dealt with anything like this before. I've asked him to seek counseling to help him with his addiction because if the army was to know what he's been doing I would think it could end his carreer. Also I really think this is an addiction and if he doesn't get help it will only get worse and he'll only hurt more people.

I just would like to know my options incase he gets ugly with me. Sort of like having ammunition. Just because you have it that doesn't mean you'll have to use it.....only if forced. I want to know my options in order to gain some security about what it is I'm dealing with.

We share no children together. I have a son from a previous marriage and he has a daughter from a previous one as well.

Thank you in advance for any helpful advice....Sorry I was so long winded.

If you have only been married a little over a year, its not very likely that you are going to get any kind of alimony no matter what kind of proof you have of his adultery. You also don't have to worry about child custody or anything like that.

Transfer to another school closer to your family and be glad that you found out before having any children with him.

 

[254lady28]

If you have only been married a little over a year, its not very likely that you are going to get any kind of alimony no matter what kind of proof you have of his adultery. You also don't have to worry about child custody or anything like that.

Transfer to another school closer to your family and be glad that you found out before having any children with him.

Your right, I am extremely lucky there are no children shared between us. My dilemma with school is it's a tech college that doesn't transfer. It's a one year course and I still have 3/4 of the year to go. It is for nursing and I would really like to be able to finish school so that if we do get divorced I can rely on myself to provide for my son and I, not family.

 

[Silverplum]

Adultery is one of the grounds for divorce in PA:
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/PA/padivexpln.htm

That doesn't mean it's your best option, but it's one of them. The link also provides info on how to obtain proper proof of adultery in PA.

You also ought to consider (and discuss with your attorney) whether or not you wish to notify his command of his behavior (with your proofs).

That said, he doesn't owe you a convenient and paid-for education.

 

[Proserpina]

Am I the only one uncomfortable with this?

I have complete control over the email. I cracked his password and changed it so he couldn't delete the evidence. He deleted his sex profile online but I was able to save a copy of it to a dvd before he erased it.

 

[Silverplum]

Am I the only one uncomfortable with this?

No, you're not. And I'm sure it's not going to fit the Court's standards.

 

[Proserpina]

No, you're not. And I'm sure it's not going to fit the Court's standards.

(I realize OP has probably gone but I still have a question, S )

Because she hacked into the account, how difficult might it be for OP to prove that she didn't set up the site herself in order to try and obtain a better financial settlement?

Or, that she was aware from the beginning and was fine with it?

 

[Silverplum]

(I realize OP has probably gone but I still have a question, S )

Because she hacked into the account, how difficult might it be for OP to prove that she didn't set up the site herself in order to try and obtain a better financial settlement?

Or, that she was aware from the beginning and was fine with it?

IMO, easy as pie on both.

(Well, maybe not "prove," but certainly cast enough doubt to toss the whole idea.)

I say, get the easy divorce, cut ties, move on, be done.

 

[Proserpina]

IMO, easy as pie on both.

(Well, maybe not "prove," but certainly cast enough doubt to toss the whole idea.)

I say, get the easy divorce, cut ties, move on, be done.

Absobloomin'lutely!

 

[254lady28]

law can be so manipulating

I'm so glad you shared the things you did. I never once thought of it as you did. How the court or he could claim that I set everything up to get something out of it.....the world is truely a sick place.

But I'm glad you brought that to my attention in the light that you did. I guess the only way to prove it would be to contact the women that he was involved with and see if they are willing to make statements. I do have alot of their contact info and I'm pretty sure alot of the girls didn't know about each other or me. He was involved with at least ten women via phone conversations and in person. Hundreds of women he contacted via internet.

Bottom line is I can make it with or with out his financial support. Would it be nice if he could help me...yes it would. I've sacrificed so much for him I would hope he could sacrifice some for me. But I know it's every man for himself and I can't rely on a hand out. I'm seeing a professional counsler currently because all of this and see was the one who mentioned alimony and finding out what my options were.

Thing is, it's not like we had a bad marriage. I never would have guessed he was doing these things behind my back. Of course I am still very angry and hurt over it all.....I can't deny that. I am really trying to put emotions aside and get my ducks in a row. I'm not doing anything like retalliating or revenge or things like that. I just want this thing to pan out as fair as it can.

I know this will sound ignorant so please excuse me for asking and try to see my point of view without judging. Why is it so wrong that I gained control over his email? Is that breaking the law? I know if a cop doesnt have a warrant then they can't search people's personal property and if they do with out a warrant then the evidence doesn't stand in court. Is it kinda like the same thing in this situation?

I wasn't trying to do anything wrong. I was trying to find out the truth. Thank God I don't have any STD's from this man. Once I found the truth I wanted to be able to capture it so that he couldn't continue lying. My intent was good. But from the way you are talking I went about things the wrong way?