How influential are 3rd parties (new SO's, etc)?

[DaveNPhx]

What is the name of your state? AZ

My 7yo daughter's mom works the night shift 4 nights a week on a split shift. Her nights off are Tuesdays, Fridays and alternate every other Saturday and Sunday. We have an arrangement where my daughter will stay with me on the nights she works with the exception being Monday nights when she stays with my parents. Each two week cycle, we each have her a total of 6 days and my parents have her 2.

We have been doing this for about 6 months since she separated from her previous boyfriend. At the beginning of this month she had her new boyfriend move out here from another state and before he got here, she told me she intended for my daughter to stay with her during the week and for the boyfriend to babysit her on the nights she works and I could have my daughter on the weekends. I told her that I was not comfortable with a stranger babysitting my daughter when I am willing and able to do it myself and I would not allow it without a fight. We continue to argue about it nearly every time we talk. She has since filed papers to collect back child support. In my response, I intend to file papers to establish custody and visitation. Incidentally, since this guy moved here, I have been to their apartment several times and have only seen him once. He stays in the bedroom when I go there to pick up my daughter. As you can probably imagine, this makes me that much more uncomfortable with him as a caretaker.

For the sake of everyone getting along and my daughter existing in a peaceful environment, I would have no problem with my daughter being with her all week. My sticking point is that a stranger will be putting my daughter to bed and taking her to school every day that her mom is working.

My question is, given the situation that I have been providing as much support as her, how likely would a court be to rule in her favor if she were to request that her visitation be during the week and mine be on the weekends, assuming the arrangement with her night job and boyfriend continues? I mean, would a court see the presence of this guy as a mitigating factor to my case? Also, how does mediation work in these cases? Does a court order mediation or is it something both sides have to agree on? I really think we could have our differences settled by mediation and would prefer that over dragging everyone's dirty laundry out in a court room.

 

[stealth2]

It will likely be totally moot. The fact that y'all have an arrangement that works and have been following it for some (I assume lengthy) period of time would be more important. However, it's possible that keeping the child in her own home instead of shlepping her to Grandma's may be optimal.

 

[DaveNPhx]

It will likely be totally moot. The fact that y'all have an arrangement that works and have been following it for some (I assume lengthy) period of time would be more important. However, it's possible that keeping the child in her own home instead of shlepping her to Grandma's may be optimal.

The "Grandma" thing is not as convenient as it may sound. My parents basically raised my daughter for the first 3 years of her life and even after that she would stay there several nights a week until she was about 5, so there is a lot of attachment on both sides. My daughters mom mom has always worked the evening shift and until recently, my living arrangements have not really been ideal for raising a child. In the beginning it is true that we would have had a very difficult time if we had to pay full price for child care, so my parents have been a blessing to helping us take care of our daughter. Mom moved in with a guy she dated for several months and he gradually began taking care of our daughter on the nights she worked. Having a house has enabled me to provide her with her own space, and that is when (September of last year) she began staying with me part time. For a while I had been keeping her on Monday evenings in addition to the 3 other days. My daughter and parents missed eachother too much and I didn't want to interfere with that bond so we are back to her staying with them one day a week again.

Another question I have is what kind of weight would a judge put on the "wishes" of a 7yo? I ask because my daughter has repeated things back to me that her mom and I have discussed. I do not talk to her about "adult" things that her mom and I discuss, but her mom clearly does not follow that same practice. My daughter has also made comments like "I want to stay with my mom" and "I want to do what my mom wants". At the risk of her being called on the witness stand and the tauma associated with that, I would never bring these things up in court, but if her mom decideds she wants to make a point, how heavily would these statements be weighed?