How long before I file contempt

[crayiii]

What is the name of your state? WA

In my Parenting Plan I get 3 phone calls per week (day and time is specified) as well as my physical residential time.

My ex wife very frequently does not answer the phone. I have a email from her stating that she isn't going to be "held hostage by a court ordered phone call". In 3 months, she missed 60% of the phone calls.

I asked for a modification of the order to clarify and add more parenting time. The judge gave it to me and "yelled" at her for her crap. As part of the modification, I was asked to drop the contempt which I did.

Now she is beginning to not answer the phone again. Also, I have been told by a mutual aquaintence that she is not purchasing the plane ticket for me to have our child over Thanksgiving.

How many of these denials do I need to have before I file contempt charges? Are the missed phone calls really "denial of parenting time?"

 

[brisgirl825]

If the phone calls are court ordered and she is denying you them, it is contempt. You need to have proof of denied phone calls. I imagine she will try to say that you are not calliing.

 

[crayiii]

I have my phone bills that show 1-minute calls and I make the calls on speakerphone so my girlfriend can hear. What else can I do?

 

[brisgirl825]

I have my phone bills that show 1-minute calls and I make the calls on speakerphone so my girlfriend can hear. What else can I do?

Get your atty to file contempt charges and submit your phone records to the court as proof. Then wait...

It often takes several contempt charges before anything major happens, so be patient.

 

[Inquiry123]

You'll have to wait until after the holiday anyhow...if visitation does turn-out to be a problem, take it all back before the court and get a two-for-one special.

Otherwise, keep your phone logs/records for another 3 months and take her back for a little more "clarification".

 

[LdiJ]

I agree with the other advice that you got....but I am going to add something here regarding "reasonableness".

Its tough on any family's lifestyle to have to guarantee to be at a specific place, at a specific time....three days a week. I think it would be fairly normal for someone to resent that....particularly if their lives are busy.

This might be an opportunity for you to find a way to cooperate with mom so that there is less resentment in the co-parenting relationship. There are creative ways that the problem could be solved.

Example...agree with mom that if she isn't home when you call, that the children can call you back later, collect.

Provide mom with a pre-paid cell phone (restricted to accepting calls from you only...it can be done) that she can keep with her so that she can go about her day and you can talk to the children no matter where they happen to be.

Think outside the box a little. I honestly have to say that if I had to be home, at a specific time...three days a week it would drive me nuts.

 

[crayiii]

We started out with "reasonable calls" in our order and she refused to answer almost always and when she did answer she limited calls (sometimes to 20-seconds). I took all this information back to court and the judge made the time specific.

I sent a calling card. I sent a letter asking that she have our child return calls within 24-hours of missed calls. These two things were ignored by her.

Because she moved 400 miles away, these calls are my primary parenting time with our child.

The judge asked her what our child's bedtime was and set the calls for 30-minutes prior to that reasoning that they should be home by then.

 

[Inquiry123]

Think outside the box a little. I honestly have to say that if I had to be home, at a specific time...three days a week it would drive me nuts.

Since the CP was the one having a problem with "reasonableness", the judge had to put her into "the box." Let her go nuts. It's her turn to think outside the box (eg: "Gee, I wish I was outside this box...")

Here's a no-brainer for those on a call schedule -- get Call Forwarding. That way, if a call is expected, it can be forwarded to the children's location (a cell phone, for example.)

Remember, a call schedule is a two-way street. The NCP usually can only call on certain days at certain times -- Now, wouldn't that drive you nuts?

 

[LdiJ]

Since the CP was the one having a problem with "reasonableness", the judge had to put her into "the box." Let her go nuts. It's her turn to think outside the box (eg: "Gee, I wish I was outside this box...")

Here's a no-brainer for those on a call schedule -- get Call Forwarding. That way, if a call is expected, it can be forwarded to the children's location (a cell phone, for example.)

Remember, a call schedule is a two-way street. The NCP usually can only call on certain days at certain times -- Now, wouldn't that drive you nuts?

Yeah, that would drive me nuts too....ideally there should be a free exchange.
However, with the info the OP gave in the first post, my response made sense. Obviously the OP has already thought "outside the box" and it didn't work....so yes, he really should file for contempt.

 

[Inquiry123]

ideally there should be a free exchange.

I agree...and I'd like to hire you as my new ex.

 

[crayiii]

She is freaking out right now. We went to court and I represented myself against she and her attorney. I was very organized had good evidence was able to show proof of her frustrating my access to our child, and met her attorney "toe-to-toe".

I came out on top with the judge awarding me even more than I was asking for and she did not take it very well. Now, unfortunately, she's taking it out on our child...

 

[Content]

I agree with the other advice that you got....but I am going to add something here regarding "reasonableness".

Its tough on any family's lifestyle to have to guarantee to be at a specific place, at a specific time....three days a week. I think it would be fairly normal for someone to resent that....particularly if their lives are busy.

This might be an opportunity for you to find a way to cooperate with mom so that there is less resentment in the co-parenting relationship. There are creative ways that the problem could be solved.

Example...agree with mom that if she isn't home when you call, that the children can call you back later, collect.

Provide mom with a pre-paid cell phone (restricted to accepting calls from you only...it can be done) that she can keep with her so that she can go about her day and you can talk to the children no matter where they happen to be.

Think outside the box a little. I honestly have to say that if I had to be home, at a specific time...three days a week it would drive me nuts.

And this is a case of both parents lose some of their freedom when a judge who knows very little about the lives they are affecting makes decisions. If mom didn't want to be restricted to a court order, then perhaps she should have been more cooperative before the first contempt charges were filed.

 

[Content]

Since you are confident going 'toe to toe' with her attorney then you need to start filing contempt charges every 2 months or so when she's violating the court order. That way you have a list of different events, dates, etc that she has not followed. The judge will get VERY tired of seeing you both in court and as long as you are being good and following the court order to it's specifics you will come out okay.

Since you are able to represent yourself the contempt issues are not as big a problem for you as for her. She has to pay her attorney each and every time, you are just spending some of your time preparing documents, proof and attending court. Eventually the judge will punish her severely enough she will stop her games.

 

[crayiii]

That is pretty much what I am planning to do. But...Don't missunderstand me about going toe-to-toe, I was so scared that I about puked before going in. I do a lot of public speaking so I just imagined that was what the whole thing was about.

I believe her attorney underestimated my willingness to learn the law and no matter how good he is, I am much more familiar with the specifics of MY case. He got me on a couple minor procedural issues at the beginning but I learned my lesson and fixed the mistakes.

I spent at a minimum 20 hours a week and sometimes 40+ over the last 6-months studying and preparing.

My ex is very up front about not following the order and in some cases flaunts it in email, voicemail, and in court. It's not that I'm good at the legal side of it, she just makes it easy for me.

What I am afraid of is going to court every couple of months with only 5 or 6 refused phone calls and pissing off the judge for being petty.

 

[betterthanher]

I believe her attorney underestimated my willingness to learn the law and no matter how good he is, I am much more familiar with the specifics of MY case. He got me on a couple minor procedural issues at the beginning but I learned my lesson and fixed the mistakes.

And that's the cockiness of alot of attorneys. It feels good to knock some of them off the soapbox and on their arse a couple of times, ain't it?

I spent at a minimum 20 hours a week and sometimes 40+ over the last 6-months studying and preparing.

And that's a big mistake many people make -- not educating themselves. They leave it up to an attorney who'll work their case (most likely) like an assembly line. They don't care -- they're getting paid.

My ex is very up front about not following the order and in some cases flaunts it in email, voicemail, and in court. It's not that I'm good at the legal side of it, she just makes it easy for me.

What I am afraid of is going to court every couple of months with only 5 or 6 refused phone calls and pissing off the judge for being petty.

It's not petty if you make it known how important it is that you talk to your children. Make it a big deal (not a huge production, but ya know what I mean).