How long do we have to wait?

[Kevmar44]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio

This past Christmas my ex was supposed to pick our son up on Christmas Eve at 9pm. We had a terrible ice storm and lost power 2 days before and were not staying at our house so I was planning on being at our house at 9 for the pick up. We still had access to our voicemail and he called our house Christmas Eve day informing us that he would be picking him up at 6pm. I called him back at 11:45am and left a message that pick up was at 9, not 6, and that if he needed to contact me to call my husbands cell phone. At 6 that night we called to check our voice mail and sure enough there was a message from him telling our son he was running late but that he would be there. I once again called him and this time actually talked to him. I informed him that according to the paper work pick up was at 9 and that is when we would be at our house. (I guess despite this phone call he still showed up at our house.) So at 9 we are waiting in our drive way and he is a no show so we went back to where we were staying. The next morning my husband calls our home to check our voice mail and sure enough there are TWO messages from my ex where he called our home phone. The first at 9:25 telling our son he's running late and the next at 10:00 telling us he's in our driveway, where the hell are we???!?!? He also tells me that since I wasn't there that I had to bring our son out to him the next day. So I call him and tell him that pick up was 9, not 6 or 10 and there was no way I was bringing our son to him that it was his responsibility to pick him up. (I was 7 months pregnant at that time and the roads were difficult to say the least and he owns a 4 wheel drive truck, not to mention it was not my fault he wasn't on time nor that he wasn't bright enough to call my husbands cell phone!!) So finally at 2:30 in the afternoon he calls my husbands cell phone and wants to speak to our son. I have our son call him back and he tells our son that "they have dicked around with me long enough and that I have to bring him to them". Well my son (he's 13) knew there was NO chance I was going to take him to his dads (he's been pulling this crap for 3 years and one summer went 3 months w/o seeing our son because he was trying to force me to pick up and drop off our son to him, which I refused because we had agreed on equal pick up and drop off before he met his new wife) so my son told told his dad that he didn't want to go to his house. I know this was not my son's decision to make but his dad refuses to speak to me so this is what happens. Since this incident my ex has not come to pick up our son. He has missed the last 3 week-ends he is supposed to get him. He has not called once to see how he's doing, and he doesn't show up. How long do we have to be at our house at 6pm every other Friday waiting for him to show up? I am due any day and there is going to be a chance that we will not be able to be home if he suddenly decides to show up!

 

[stealth2]

Until the order is modified, your son has to be available as specified. Regardless what else you have going.

Honestly? Considering the weather (and therefore the roads) sucked on Christmas Eve, an hour late shouldn't have been surprising. ESPECIALLY since you DID talk to him and tell him 9, not 6. Did it occur to you to leave him a note where to pickup the kid? Or to try calling him again from the house (via cell) to let him know you were there and waiting?

 

[djohnson]

I agree, it sounds like you want him to do all the jumping thru hoops and you aren't willing to give any. No one cares if your pregnant, that isn't his fault and he shouldn't have to pay for it. No one will use that as an excuse. I think it's a shame you are playing these games to keep him from his son. An hour late with roads like that wasn't that much to ask, especially since it was at your own home and not a parking lot somewhere. My childs school bus was that late because of roads but I continued to wait. I don't think you should be putting your child in the middle and if you were easier to deal with he probably wouldn't mind as much. You are both the parents. What if you ran into traffic on your way to pick him up and was an hour late could he just take off with his son and say sorry, you were an hour late so now he's mine?

 

[Kevmar44]

He wasn't late because of the roads, I found out he had been somewhere else and didn't leave on time! Personally if I knew the road were bad I would have left with PLENTY of time to pick up my son. And he should have called my husbands cell phone to let us know he was running late because he knew we were not staying at our house. I told him that when I left the first message. And we were staying at my in-laws house and that is our "safe house" so to speak. My ex has been abusive to me in the past (he pushed me off a porch in front of our son) and tries to draw my husband into fights. We simply WON'T have my in-laws drawn into his stupidity, so that information is not available to him. And to be honest with you, no I did not try to call him, I tried to be nice when all of this crap started 3 years ago and that is a courtesy I don't extend to him any more. My opinion is that if he wants to behave like a jack ass, that is the way he will be treated. Oh and he wouldn't have seen the note anyway...it was pitch black out and he doesn't get out of his truck...he sits in it and honks his horn until our son comes running out.

 

[Chelle0511]

~I by all means do not think that you should wait hours for the father to pick up his son, however if he called and said that he was running late and was there by 10:00 that should be acceptable! Again, as others stated... why didn't you leave a note or call him to let him know where you would be. Dad has every right to exercise his parenting time and people do tend to run behind from time to time. Sounds like there is another CP that might have a slight control problem!

 

[djohnson]

My point exactly. I don't think this is a dad problem. I think it's mom trying to push dad every chance she gets. He has a right to know where his son is, especially when it's his time. If I was him, I would take OP back to court for contempt and custody. He may have a shot.

 

[jslopez711]

Yes, the OP sounds familiar to me, all too familiar.

 

[Kevmar44]

He had a cell phone number to reach me at!!!! Why isn't it HIS responsibility to call that number? He called my HOME phone 3 times AFTER he was told we weren't there and to reach us on my husbands cell phone! And like I stated before I know the times to pick up my son and if it means I have to leave and hour earlier to get there on time that is what I would have done! It's a game he plays. It would take me days and pages to tell you all the crap he's pulled in the past 3 years. He feels the rules only apply to me and he can do what ever he wants. This isn't the first time we've waited for him to show up only to have him not and if the idiot wants to call my house instead of a cell phone number than too bad for him. I'm not difficult. I follow the rules which were written BECAUSE of people like my ex who think they can do what ever they please and then turn around and spit on people like me. And I wasn't using the fact that I was pregnant (he doesn't even know it) as an excuse not to take our son to his house! It simply wasn't my fault he wasn't on time and not my responsibility to take him to him. So I suppose if I were just a little "nicer" he would have picked our son up the last 3 week-ends he was supposed to have had him? Oh it's not because he's an ASS, it's because I'm difficult, right?

 

[stealth2]

Well..... You could have forwarded calls from your home number to your cell - I do that frequently when I suspect my ex will be calling and we're not home. You also could have allowed him to pick the kid up earlier - doesn't sound as though there were plans for that evening. What's best for THE KID is for you to go out of your way to make visitation easy - even when you don't feel like it. Is Dad an ass? Probably. But you're not helping matters any.

 

[djohnson]

You said it not me.


Cell phone doesn't always work, sometimes if I turn the wrong way mine goes out of service, especially during a storm. If it was that bad sometime the circuits are busy. Sometimes you forget to bring that number with you and you call the only one you can remember. Things happen. Even though you could fill up pages, I bet he could fill up four, it doesn't matter. You don't hurt your son's relationship with him to pay him back. That's not what a good parent does.

 

[Kevmar44]

But yet his cell phone worked just fine to call my house and leave messages. What am I missing here? This was just yet another game that my ex decided to play to make me look like the bad guy because I didn't sit in my driveway for an hour waiting for him to show up! I would have waited had he called my husbands cell phone but he didn't! And for the record I have two step kids, one who still believes in Santa, so we DID have plans for Christmas Eve, electricity or not. And they didn't have any electricity at his house either so what was the big hurry in picking him up sooner? I was only supposed to have him until 9 Christmas Eve and not get him back until New Years Day at 6 so I didn't think it was asking too much that I actually get to keep him until 9 like the paper work says. I am a good parent to my son. I pick him up where and when I am supposed to therefore I don't have to make excuses to him or to make comments to him like "I'm sick of dicking around with your mom". Which nobody seems to have a problem with my ex saying things like that to our son! No just the fact that I must be difficult because I refused to drive him out to their house because of HIS poor planning or didn't let him have him early because he #1 can't read the paper work and #2 ignored the phone message I left him letting him know that pick up was at 9 and not 6. At least I called him, why if he wanted to pick him up early didn't he call me back??? No, he thought if he ignored the message he could make it look like I was the one being difficult!

 

[djohnson]

You argument with his cell phone just isn't valid. Like I said, they are not that reliable all the time. Any of the things I mentioned early could change every few minutes. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt and call it. Tell him where you were going to be since he was late. Your SS and Santa has nothing to do with this. That isn't his plans. I think you could have been more willing to work with him. Personally Santa came to my house this hear on the 23rd because it was most convenient for everyone. No matter what the paperwork says, we (and other party) bends over backwards to accomodate each other. With a good relationship, it shows in the child. You are being petty and you have been called on it. You are one of THOSE ex's. We all know and understand.

 

[Silverplum]

Of course you're right -- you're always right! It feels SO good to be in the right, doesn't it? And when you're in the right and everyone (especially the father you chose for your child) else is wrong...well, it just is so good to be RIGHT, isn't it? Especially at holidays!

That's why you're here, isn't it? To get a bunch of feedback from strangers to tell you that you are so very right at all times? And it makes you feel even better to be told that you are, of course, in the right!

 

[Chelle0511]

~You always know that a CP has control issues when everything that they say and do can be justified

 

[Kevmar44]

Ok, you can live with my ex for 6 months and have to deal with his BS and then you can tell me how you all would have handled this differently! His own family deals with me to see our son because he won't let them see him unless they do things his way. He's the manipulative jerk, not me. So maybe someone out there can come up with some excuse for him not bothering to come pick up his son since Christmas???? I'm not keeping him from seeing him, so I guess it just boils down to me just wanting to be right all the time! Yeah, that's it. Thanks for all your help.