How long do we have to wait?

[Silverplum]

Here's your legal answer, Control Freak Lady:

Follow your court orders.
Provide the child for visitation with his father.
Don't try to infringe on the father's right to see his child.
If you don't like the court orders, file for a change.
Accept the outcome.

 

[stealth2]

So DID you actually talk to him or not? 'Cause first you said you did, but then it seems you just left a message.

 

[cascole]

Go back & ask for a clarification of your orders, or get attorneys involved & do it yourselves if you think you can agree. Specify pick up & drop off times & locations, as well as a 'waiting time limit'. (My order states 30min., but we also try to communicate if one or the other is stuck in traffic so we can accomodate as much leeway as possible without disrupting plans.)

 

[Kevmar44]

To Stealth, first I left a message at 11:45 am telling him that pick up was at 9 not 6 and left the cell phone number he could reach us at and let him know we were not staying at our house. When we listened to our messages at 6 and he said he was running late I called and he answered his phone and I told him again that pick up was 9 and that we would be there then for him to pick him up.

To little miss silverplum,
I DO following the court orders. The court order is that HE pick our son up from my house and I pick our son up from his house. Six pm every other Friday and Sunday and what ever the paperwork says on Holidays. The problem is my ex doesn't follow the court orders.
I DO provide for my ex to get our son on his week-ends. I'm home every other Friday at 6. If he doesn't show up to pick him up, it's HIS loss, not mine.
I DO NOT infringe on his rights to see his child nor have I ever. When HE follows the court order and shows up at my house on time he can get him. If he misses that time and makes arrangements with me to PICK HIM UP at another time, that is fine too, but since I can pick up my son when it's my time to have him and he can pick up his son when it's his turn.
I already filed for a change and won. He used to get our son every other week but he lied to the Judge and got busted and the Judge changed it to every other week-end. Thank goodness you weren't my Judge or you would have been sucked into all his "oh whoa is me BS" because I quit putting up with his crap years ago and made him start living by the rules instead of HIM trying to force me to take the his way or the highway. Which of course in your opinion is just ME being a control freak, not HIM. But you still haven't told me what you think his excuse is for not picking his son up for his last 3 week-ends? After all, all he has to do is drive out to my house, honk his freak'n horn and have our son run out to him.

 

[Silverplum]

Then what exactly are you whining about?

I'd whine about your spelling, but I don't think it'll do any good.

 

[Chelle0511]

To Stealth, first I left a message at 11:45 am telling him that pick up was at 9 not 6 and left the cell phone number he could reach us at and let him know we were not staying at our house. When we listened to our messages at 6 and he said he was running late I called and he answered his phone and I told him again that pick up was 9 and that we would be there then for him to pick him up.

To little miss silverplum,
I DO following the court orders. The court order is that HE pick our son up from my house and I pick our son up from his house. Six pm every other Friday and Sunday and what ever the paperwork says on Holidays. The problem is my ex doesn't follow the court orders.
I DO provide for my ex to get our son on his week-ends. I'm home every other Friday at 6. If he doesn't show up to pick him up, it's HIS loss, not mine.
I DO NOT infringe on his rights to see his child nor have I ever. When HE follows the court order and shows up at my house on time he can get him. If he misses that time and makes arrangements with me to PICK HIM UP at another time, that is fine too, but since I can pick up my son when it's my time to have him and he can pick up his son when it's his turn.
I already filed for a change and won. He used to get our son every other week but he lied to the Judge and got busted and the Judge changed it to every other week-end. Thank goodness you weren't my Judge or you would have been sucked into all his "oh whoa is me BS" because I quit putting up with his crap years ago and made him start living by the rules instead of HIM trying to force me to take the his way or the highway. Which of course in your opinion is just ME being a control freak, not HIM. But you still haven't told me what you think his excuse is for not picking his son up for his last 3 week-ends? After all, all he has to do is drive out to my house, honk his freak'n horn and have our son run out to him.

~I guess I'm confused... is pick up at 6 or 9?????

 

[Silverplum]

Pickup is at 6, but she arbitrarily changed it to 9 so she could have her plans on her holiday her way!

 

[frustratedbr]

Regular visitation is at 6pm. Chrismas Eve(holiday it was 9pm) I understand what you are going through. I have a control freak ex who wants everything convenient for him> only follows court order when convenient for him but doesn't when not convenient. I sympathize with you in regards to not wanting to wait for ex, especially in a dark house with no electricity. I probably would have tried the ex's cell phone when he hadn't shown up by 9pm and again would have left a number to reach me at. Then I could have met him at the house once he got there. It is his right as well to have his son for Christmas. Your son should spend time with his father. I always say reverse the situation. If this was me on my way to pick up my son what would I want my ex to do. Treat others as you want to be treated. I try to live by that motto. Extremely hard sometimes I know But in the long run It is the best thing for your child.

 

[Kevmar44]

Go back & ask for a clarification of your orders, or get attorneys involved & do it yourselves if you think you can agree. Specify pick up & drop off times & locations, as well as a 'waiting time limit'. (My order states 30min., but we also try to communicate if one or the other is stuck in traffic so we can accomodate as much leeway as possible without disrupting plans.)

I already know what the orders state. I HAD to have them put in because my ex likes to play these kind of games. One summer he went the entire summer without seeing his own son simply because he refused to drive out to my house and couldn't bully me into delivering him to him. My point is that if I can pick him up from his house, he can pick him up from mine. The distance is the same, even though he seems to think he has to drive alot further to get to my house! Of course he recently moved 15 miles farther away from his son instead of closer, but that's his business, not mine. As for the communicating, that is where our major problem is. He told my attorney in court that we don't have to communicate to have shared parenting! This is the kind of person I'm trying to deal with. And I didn't know his cell phone number until he called on Christmas Eve! Three years ago when he met his new wife to be I was told she didn't feel I needed it. I only got it then because it showed up on caller ID, NOT because he gave it to me. There are plenty of reasons why I feel the way I do about my ex and you can ask anyone that knows what he's done and they will tell you I'm justified. But the bottom line is I still tell my son that I know his dad loves him, I just don't understand why he does the things he does.

 

[Kevmar44]

Regular visitation is at 6pm. Chrismas Eve(holiday it was 9pm) I understand what you are going through. I have a control freak ex who wants everything convenient for him> only follows court order when convenient for him but doesn't when not convenient. I sympathize with you in regards to not wanting to wait for ex, especially in a dark house with no electricity. I probably would have tried the ex's cell phone when he hadn't shown up by 9pm and again would have left a number to reach me at. Then I could have met him at the house once he got there. It is his right as well to have his son for Christmas. Your son should spend time with his father. I always say reverse the situation. If this was me on my way to pick up my son what would I want my ex to do. Treat others as you want to be treated. I try to live by that motto. Extremely hard sometimes I know But in the long run It is the best thing for your child.

I tried to do those things 3 years ago when this all started and he would have none of it. I tried to have us meet with a priest for counseling and as luck would have it his gf worked as a janitor for the church so he made up some lame excuse as to why he couldn't help us. Like I said he refuses to communicate, going so far as to say so to my attorney right in front of a judge! I know my son needs to spend time with his dad, it's his dad that doesn't seem to feel that way. Had he bothered to tell our son that he would come out to pick him up on Christmas Day I would have had him at my house when he said he was going to be there. And we have been here every other Friday since and he hasn't bothered to show up. Do you know how hard it is to be nice when your son asks "What are the chances he'll pick me up this Friday?" I know how he feels about his dad, which is not good, because he see my husband bend over backwards for his kids with his ex-wife. I tried the "high road" for a long time and at my husbands urging tried to be the better person but even my husband saw how useless it was. There is NO winning with this man. No matter what I do is not good enough. If I'm not doing things his way I might as well not do anything at all.

 

[frustratedbr]

Been there, Done that. I know it is very frustrating, but your not trying for him your trying for the little boy asking "what are the chances He will pick me up this Friday?" I would be on the phone with my ex and once I get him on the phone I would hand our child the phone so he can explain if and when he will be picking him up. And I would continue to do that every Friday my ex is supposed to pick up our child on the off chance that once he may actually pick him up, and the joy on our child's face would be worth it. Just keep reminding yourself you are not compromising for your ex you are compromising for your child. And making a phone call every other Friday isn't too much to do for your son is it?

 

[Kevmar44]

Pickup is at 6, but she arbitrarily changed it to 9 so she could have her plans on her holiday her way!

I said that it was 6 every other Friday and Sunday and what ever the paperwork states for the Holidays. Which in my case was 9pm. I didn't just pick a time out of the blue and tell him that is when he could come pick him up! It's my ex that does that kind of stuff. I follow the paperwork.

 

[Kevmar44]

Been there, Done that. I know it is very frustrating, but your not trying for him your trying for the little boy asking "what are the chances He will pick me up this Friday?" I would be on the phone with my ex and once I get him on the phone I would hand our child the phone so he can explain if and when he will be picking him up. And I would continue to do that every Friday my ex is supposed to pick up our child on the off chance that once he may actually pick him up, and the joy on our child's face would be worth it. Just keep reminding yourself you are not compromising for your ex you are compromising for your child. And making a phone call every other Friday isn't too much to do for your son is it?

My son has asked me not to call because the last time this happened his dad grounded him when he got to his house for telling him that he didn't want to go to his house! Now how do I handle that one?