How to get out?

[falexander88]

Look tell her to take the child and get out. It is really that simple. She is an adult you can't force her to do anything.

Look, you're not helping. She a young woman that is scared, alone, and been mentally battered. I'm not making her do anything. I am helping to arm herself with information. I feel like if that's a problem for you, then you're really in the wrong place. It's a place for advice not belittling and giving orders.

 

[falexander88]

Hrrmmmmm that's actually very helpful.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Look, you're not helping. She a young woman that is scared, alone, and been mentally battered. I'm not making her do anything. I am helping to arm herself with information. I feel like if that's a problem for you, then you're really in the wrong place. It's a place for advice not belittling and giving orders.

She doesn't seem to be alone if you are helping her in all of this. The simple answer is she needs to get out and as has been mentioned she may well be breaking the law by being there. Who are you in all of this?

 

[Zigner]

Honestly, I doubt the OP really knows the content of the restraining order. The order may include provisions for the child that would restrict the woman from leaving with the child. SHE needs to take action on this.

 

[falexander88]

Perhaps one of the only two friends she has left. We were with her last night and he came home from work early. The pure terror in her eyes was astounding. I'm just trying to help combat her fears so she takes those steps out the door. Take away the excuses and you're left with action.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Look, you're not helping. She a young woman that is scared, alone, and been mentally battered. I'm not making her do anything. I am helping to arm herself with information. I feel like if that's a problem for you, then you're really in the wrong place. It's a place for advice not belittling and giving orders.

Look, there are many among us who have BTDT.

There is no "try", there is only "do". Until something clicks in her head just so, you really can't force her. You can try to inform her, or convince her. But she has to get to that point on her own, mentally.

Abiding by the RO is a stopgap measure that will temporarily get her out of there. And keep her out of jail for the moment.

But she still might return. She has to get to the point one day where something snaps inside and thought crosses her mind, "This is really never going to get better."

 

[falexander88]

Honestly, I doubt the OP really knows the content of the restraining order. The order may include provisions for the child that would restrict the woman from leaving with the child. SHE needs to take action on this.

THANK YOU! This is the type of helpful information that I was looking for! I need to know what to look for before convincing her to do anything that could make it worse!

 

[Just Blue]

Look, you're not helping. She a young woman that is scared, alone, and been mentally battered. I'm not making her do anything. I am helping to arm herself with information. I feel like if that's a problem for you, then you're really in the wrong place. It's a place for advice not belittling and giving orders.

No one was belittling you or giving orders. Unless she is being held captive (locked in a house with no way to get out for help) then she can simply walk out the door and go to a shelter. Being rude to the volunteers here is not acceptable.

 

[stealth2]

Look, you're not helping. She a young woman that is scared, alone, and been mentally battered. I'm not making her do anything. I am helping to arm herself with information. I feel like if that's a problem for you, then you're really in the wrong place. It's a place for advice not belittling and giving orders.

Maybe a better way to help her is to pay for an hour of a lawyer's time.

 

[falexander88]

No one was belittling you or giving orders. Unless she is being held captive (locked in a house with no way to get out for help) then she can simply walk out the door and go to a shelter. Being rude to the volunteers here is not acceptable.

Telling me to just tell her to get out was dismissive and I found to be quite rude. I wouldnt be here if I hadn't already tried that one, which was him making assumptions which I also find rude

 

[Zigner]

Telling me to just tell her to get out was dismissive and I found to be quite rude. I wouldnt be here if I hadn't already tried that one, which was him making assumptions which I also find rude

See - there's your problem. SHE doesn't want to leave. Until SHE decides to leave, you really can't do much. Sad but true...

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Telling me to just tell her to get out was dismissive and I found to be quite rude. I wouldnt be here if I hadn't already tried that one, which was him making assumptions which I also find rude

You seem to be assuming you can deal with her using logic. You can't. If logic would work she would have left long ago.

 

[Just Blue]

Telling me to just tell her to get out was dismissive and I found to be quite rude. I wouldnt be here if I hadn't already tried that one, which was him making assumptions which I also find rude

What you don't seem to understand about people in DV relationships, which MANY OF US HERE DO, is that you can't force them to take that first step. THAT is up to them. BTDT.

 

[falexander88]

You seem to be assuming you can deal with her using logic. You can't. If logic would work she would have left long ago.

She told me last night that shes ready and wants to leave. She just wants to make sure it won't harm her daughter and this Dv case isn't issue. I am getting information so shes confident in leaving. Again, you're making assumptions.

It human to say I would like to travel by car to Oregon. You then, plan your route, look at a map, take days off.... if we go through the steps, get her information, provide her the route and she decides to stay at home, then I'll call it a lost cause and leave her on her own.

 

[not2cleverRed]

She told me last night that shes ready and wants to leave. She just wants to make sure it won't harm her daughter and this Dv case isn't issue. I am getting information so shes confident in leaving. Again, you're making assumptions.

It human to say I would like to travel by car to Oregon. You then, plan your route, look at a map, take days off.... if we go through the steps, get her information, provide her the route and she decides to stay at home, then I'll call it a lost cause and leave her on her own.

Please tell me this is a metaphor!

Do not advise her to cross state lines - not even as a metaphor. Crossing state lines - heck, crossing county lines could cause her legal problems, especially with a pending court case. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be limited to seeing her child only on supervised visitation at her expense.

You have to find resources for her in her current community.

* See if she can get DV help/therapy locally.
* If she does leave, she needs to file for custody/visitation.
* She should only leave the state after she has a court order allowing her to take the child with her.