Husband took son while I was asleep

[nicoleb12]

In September my husband took my son while I was asleep with the help of his parents. He was taken to their home across town and I was not contacted by them all day.

Over the past few months they have been jerking me around. I've spoken to the police and they say they can't do anything. When I tell my husband I want to take my son he threatens to have me arrested for trespassing or parental kidnapping. How can what they did be legal but me having my son for a few days isn't?

Recently I let my husband know that I would be taking my son for Christmas (he works on Christmas eve, so I figured it wouldn't be a problem), but he says if I come over to get him that he'll have an officer there. He's "afraid that I won't bring him back." He (and the officers that I've spoken to) seem to think that I would be in the wrong for taking my son on Christmas eve, but for some reason my husband was justified in what he did... ?

I just want to know... what are the laws surrounding this (I live in MN specifically). How can I spend time with my son before this goes to court?

It's been extremely stressful to have been separated from my son this long. I just want to be with him, and they're being unreasonable in their requests and demands, and I'm not receiving any help from the law.

Any ideas?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

None of this means anything without the facts, such as,
Are you married, separated, divorced from the father?
When is your court date?
What are the current orders? custody, visitation, child suport?
How old is the child?
What was the father's reason for taking the child?
Why did you sleep through such a thing?
Were you inconcipated in some way?

 

[nicoleb12]

We're still married, in the process of divorce. I have yet been able to retain a lawyer so there is no set court date or custody order. My son is a year and 3 months. The father's story is that I'm an unfit mother, but I believe that's his dishonest way way of avoiding the real issue. He had no problem with the way I raised our son, only with our marriage, and when he left he took the child. I slept through it because I slept through it. Obviously if his intent was to take the child without my interfering he would have done it quietly, and he did. And inconcipated isn't a word. If you're going to give me an attitude I neither need nor want your help. Have some sensitivity; this situation has been hard enough.

 

[stealth2]

What he did was perfectly legal - you both have the same rights to the child. You could go to his parents' home when he's not there and ask the police to help you retrieve the kid - they may or may not get involved.

Basically - you need to get into court ASAP. Dad does not have to allow access if he chooses not to.

 

[MIA_MICHELLE]

RE father took son while i was asleep

I feel like you are reciting my situation, but the names and places have been changed to PROTECT the innocent
I think that one of the hardest htings for me is that most people instantly focus on my mistakes and not on the big picture. I feel like just shaking them and saying "look you idiot, even with all my mistakes, does it make the abuse that he is doing to my child emotionally ok"!!
i try and prepare for what has now became one of the most anticipated nad inportant days of my life by taking the critisisum and teaching myself how to respond to it in a way that doesnt switch the focus from him taking my daughter to them nit picking every action and reaction that you have ever done that has no relevience to your mothering skills. I swear that when I get in front of the court clerk or when I spoke with the police I couldnt even think straight! It proably barley made sence, I literally couldnt speak at a point that it was most inportant. The courts take there own sweet time and without money you have little to no help. All the while time just passes and the pain gets worse. Add a little insult to injury and you get people focusing on you sleeping, when the focus should be on taking the child and the abuse and permanate scars that are left when a child is seperated from what they know! I hope that all goes well for you and try and try and remember that everyone sleeps and there has been many cases where a person has taken a child while the parent was sleep! It did not mean that Polly Klasp's mother deserved to have her child murdered and she had no fault eihter.

 

[newmommy]

yeah! humpf!

you cant get in trouble for taking your baby back. but it might look good for you to file a paternity action against your babys daddy and claim that he is th one who might run off with the kid. it doesnt look good for him that he was sneeky. but dont try to let you problems with the dad interfere with mutually desired parenting access.

for me, i might have to pay with my pride and cooperate with my babys daddys lawyer on a paternity action, because in missouri it costs five grand that i cant come up with. i hope things work out for you. but in the mean time GO GET YOUR BABY!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

We're still married, in the process of divorce. I have yet been able to retain a lawyer so there is no set court date or custody order. My son is a year and 3 months. The father's story is that I'm an unfit mother, but I believe that's his dishonest way way of avoiding the real issue. He had no problem with the way I raised our son, only with our marriage, and when he left he took the child. I slept through it because I slept through it. Obviously if his intent was to take the child without my interfering he would have done it quietly, and he did. And inconcipated isn't a word. If you're going to give me an attitude I neither need nor want your help. Have some sensitivity; this situation has been hard enough.

I asked the questions for a reason, because we need facts to advise you. Technically since you say there are no orders, you could also take the child, and you have already tried that, but for some reason they said no. Your husband is claiming you are unfit, which is what I expected was going to be the claim and he went to some pretty drastic measures to take the child, but didn't hid him away, but to a place where you knew he was safe. Since you don't have an attorney and he hasn't gone to court yet, I have to think that you are still not giving us the full story. What is he claiming that you have done to be unfit? Do you have any problems that the court might find you unfit? Do you have any problems with substance or alcohol abuse, anything that might keep you from waking up? Anything within 24 hrs?

I ask these questions because they are going to be asked, time and time again. If he told the police or his parents that you were incapacitated. that may be why they helped him and the police wouldn't help you retrieve your child. Right now you both have equal rights to the child until there is some order. Have you tried legal aid? Have you gone to court and filed an emergency custody petition?

 

[Whyte Noise]

incapacitated.

That's the word rmet is looking for.

Not trying to be a spelling freak, but that's what rmet was asking in her first post to you... if you were in any way incapacitated (by drugs or alcohol, etc) and THAT is why you slept through the father taking the child.

Although, I have to say that when someone doesn't WANT to be heard, they won't and when they don't want to wake someone up, they will be as quiet as a mouse and not wake the person up. I do it every night to my husband... not wanting to wake him up when I get up to go to the bathroom, and he doesn't drink or do drugs. I'm just "extra quiet". It doesn't necessarily mean the person sleeping is so inebriated that they don't wake up...

 

[rmet4nzkx]

incapacitated.

That's the word rmet is looking for.

Not trying to be a spelling freak, but that's what rmet was asking in her first post to you... if you were in any way incapacitated (by drugs or alcohol, etc) and THAT is why you slept through the father taking the child.

Although, I have to say that when someone doesn't WANT to be heard, they won't and when they don't want to wake someone up, they will be as quiet as a mouse and not wake the person up. I do it every night to my husband... not wanting to wake him up when I get up to go to the bathroom, and he doesn't drink or do drugs. I'm just "extra quiet". It doesn't necessarily mean the person sleeping is so inebriated that they don't wake up...

Thanks, I had fumble fingers and my computer was bogging down for some reason hopefully it's better now, I'll correct.

I am concerned about the sleeping through it, because that might be used as a claim that OP was incapacitated. and therefore unfit. If OP is a heavy sleeper that may be something, but I would think if that was the reason, that would have been stated, But I think three people coming into a room and getting a child out of bed somehow there would be something to wake OP especially if they were having marital distress. Also if she was only asleep and nothing else that she would have some resources to get into court ASAP rather than wait indefinately for a court date without even supervised visitation. OP hasn't even contacted legal aid, which would be a logical starting place.

 

[stealth2]

Uuuuhhh, assuming these people had more than a one bedroom place, it wouldn't be rocket science for Dad to remove the kid during the night even if Mom isn't a heavy sleeper. I suspect by "his parent's help" she meant more than they provided the place for him to take the child rather than three people tromping through the house.

Regardless - he has the exact same rights as Mom does and did not do anything illegal.

 

[Whyte Noise]

When my ex and I were still married, he told me he'd get up with our oldest daughter one night, so that I could sleep. Yay! Well, she was about 3 months old, and woke up hungry. Crying, I imagine. I never heard her. My ex husband got up, went into the LR with her, changed her, fed her, burped her, got her back to sleep, and went back to sleep himself. I woke up to go to the bathroom, and noticed him in the rocker feeding her in the LR.

The next day... I thanked him for getting up with her. He looked at me like I had 2 heads or something. He didn't even remember getting up... much less feeding her or anything else. He reads this site, so he could post and tell you that what I just said is true.

The point of the story is that one doesn't have to be drinking or drugged up not to hear anything or wake up. Neither my ex nor I were drinkers, and even her crying didn't wake me. My daughter, to this day, can come in my room and she has to call me a couple of times before I wake up. Of course... I can also sleep so lightly that the storm door opening up wakes me from a dead sleep. It depends.

It's entirely feasable that the husband did indeed take the child without waking the mother, and that nothing foul was involved. As for Legal Aid... maybe she doesn't know about that because no one had mentioned it to her before. Some people that come here are totally ignorant when it comes to their options, or where to turn.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

OP is avoiding the questions. Like I said it is one thing to be a heavy sleeper, that happens, but in this case the husband is claiming she is an unfit mother, but not why, or at least in OP's mind there is no reason and that the police won't help her get her child and if she goes and gets her child that she will be arrested yet there is no order? No divorce? No court date? Something is being left out. We can speculate all we want about things that could be possible but until OP returns and answers some questions all we know right now is that the father took the child while OP was sleeping, claiming she is unfit and for some reason, the police are supporting the father's action.

What advice can we give? She can try legal aid or retain an attorney and if there is a reason for her being seen as unfit, she needs to do something about that. She's not going to get anywhere until she get's an attorney or some local legal assistance. What ever the problem is, it is sufficiant without need of a court order.

 

[haiku]

(my husband wakes at 4 in the morning-he could set off a bomb, I would not know......)

I don't really see anything illegal here.

How many mothers have taken thier children and left the fathers? without saying "Hey, I am leaving you and taking the kids to my moms" That is certainly common, and no one accuses the mothers of foul play.

Our poster needs a lawyer to start divorce and custody precedings, plain and simple. call legal aid, beg borrow and steal, etc.....

obviously dad is aware of the thought, the parent in possesion of the child may get the upper hand in a custody dispute. It may or may NOT work to his advantage. that is likely why he will not let her have the child for the holidays, just like him, she is under no legal obligation to return the kid. (How this will look in court later, we cannot say. )

mom now needs to get her ducks in a row.