I am going to lose it

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Just leave him be to his own misery and just deal with your son and other children. I figure you have to go back to court, so ask for:
1. Therapy for son that DAD is required to foot the bill of
2. If they EVER consider giving dad visitation, that it only be in a therapeutic situation
3. You've remarried, right? Some time down the road, would your husband consider adopting?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I can understand why you asked him directly. Some things just shouldn't be pursued. Exactly HOW can someone do that to their children? They won't understand it either actually.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Just leave him be to his own misery and just deal with your son and other children. I figure you have to go back to court, so ask for:
1. Therapy for son that DAD is required to foot the bill of
2. If they EVER consider giving dad visitation, that it only be in a therapeutic situation
3. You've remarried, right? Some time down the road, would your husband consider adopting?

1. Okay, I will ask for that. I'm not sure what therapy options are available to a 2.5 year old. I will definitely be looking into it.
2. Dad doesn't seem to want visits if wife and grandpa can't be involved. I will remember this if that time comes.
3. We're getting married in May. He would definitely adopt if given the chance.

 

[CJane]

Just leave him be to his own misery and just deal with your son and other children. I figure you have to go back to court, so ask for:
1. Therapy for son that DAD is required to foot the bill of

I wouldn't ask for this, and here's why...

It forces MORE involvement for a man who is clearly abusive and doesn't want to be involved.

I would fo' sho' get therapy for the child, but I would pay for it out of pocket before I would involve Dad even tangentially.

 

[SESmama]

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr
1. Therapy for son that DAD is required to foot the bill of

Originally Posted by CJane
I wouldn't ask for this, and here's why...

It forces MORE involvement for a man who is clearly abusive and doesn't want to be involved.

Not just this but would he even pay? He's been dodging CS as well.

 

[gr8rn]

Dawn, I am so glad you got your son away from that horrible man. I hope that this is the impetus to get this horrible person out of your son's life forever.

I thought I had problems with my son's father, but at least I know he loves our son. Your ex clearly has no emotional bond to your son and vice versa. He should never ever be allowed to have any kind of visitation any more, even supervised.

 

[Isis1]

Dawn, you have my prayers and support. the actions of this "thing" are so horrifying for a child of any age to go through. i'm still astounded to why this thing would do something so cruel.

 

[CourtClerk]

You're absolutely right, CC. I should have taken your advice and shown up with ball bat and gasoline in hand.

Yeah, but after I did that, I certainly wouldn't be on facebook trying to figure out why he did what he did... AFTER I already acted on it the first time. You don't keep stirring the pot because you don't have anything better to do with your time. THAT'S the point if you didn't get it.

 

[frylover]

I'm so relieved to hear from you. I was really worried about kiddo and you.

I think you are right in your guess as to why he sent you this video. He doesn't want to bother with kiddo but he doesn't want anyone to KNOW he doesn't want to bother. This way it will be all "mean ole Dawn and the mean ole judge's fault."

Truly, once a person treats their child that way, I think they belong UNDER the jail!

 

[reportermom]

Dawn,

If you look for a child psychologist in your area, they have specialized methods for counseling children as young as your little one. Do lots of searching and as for references from the school. They will be able to point you in the right direction. Make sure you get someone who specializes in children.

I recently sat in on a graduate level psychology course where they were discussing children and depression/trauma/treatments. The professor was repeatedly stating that depression/trauma with kids repeats itself in their life, so if you don't get your little one in therapy now, he will fall behind in his development.

You should expect to keep him in therapy until he is an adult because have will have a re-occurence of his depression every few years as he grows up. I know it seems overwhelming, but by knowing it WILL happen and preparing for it, you can help him to cope with it as it happens rather than after it has affected his life even more.

 

[stealth2]

Dawn,

If you look for a child psychologist in your area, they have specialized methods for counseling children as young as your little one. Do lots of searching and as for references from the school. They will be able to point you in the right direction. Make sure you get someone who specializes in children.

I recently sat in on a graduate level psychology course where they were discussing children and depression/trauma/treatments. The professor was repeatedly stating that depression/trauma with kids repeats itself in their life, so if you don't get your little one in therapy now, he will fall behind in his development.

You should expect to keep him in therapy until he is an adult because have will have a re-occurence of his depression every few years as he grows up. I know it seems overwhelming, but by knowing it WILL happen and preparing for it, you can help him to cope with it as it happens rather than after it has affected his life even more.

And, of course, all of those "wills" should really be "mays". The child MAY fall behind in his development, and he MAY have recurring depression. Or, he may not. Life is not that black and white.

But counseling is a good idea for now. You'll be looking for someone who does play therapy at this age.

 

[MichaCA]

I really agree about finding counseling. It IS harder when the child is so young, but it may be better/easier at this point to get a psychologist. Or at least someone very experienced with play therapy, sand tray therapy, something.

This is awful your child went through this at all, but also when already having separation anxiety. However, eventually it will pass. However I would have a talk with your son. In your words, tell him that dad was wrong...that he was(is) sick and said absolutely horrid things that have NO truth. Repeat the threats dad made one by one, and tell your son each one is not true, and say the opposite of how you WOULD act in each situation. I know its not a fix all, and I am not a psychologist...however, I believe this child needs to be set straight that all dads threats were simply not true. And tell him if he is having scary feelings to always come to you.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

I really agree about finding counseling. It IS harder when the child is so young, but it may be better/easier at this point to get a psychologist. Or at least someone very experienced with play therapy, sand tray therapy, something.

This is awful your child went through this at all, but also when already having separation anxiety. However, eventually it will pass. However I would have a talk with your son. In your words, tell him that dad was wrong...that he was(is) sick and said absolutely horrid things that have NO truth. Repeat the threats dad made one by one, and tell your son each one is not true, and say the opposite of how you WOULD act in each situation. I know its not a fix all, and I am not a psychologist...however, I believe this child needs to be set straight that all dads threats were simply not true. And tell him if he is having scary feelings to always come to you.

You DO realize that this child is a TODDLER, right? That's got to be the most HORRID advice I've heard this week... Bar none.

 

[MichaCA]

I'm not sure why its horrible advice...the threats dad made traumatized him. At least I would assure him the threats were not true. It won't undo the damage, he needs counseling...but I think it would help.

 

[stealth2]

At 2 1/2? That conversation is unlikely to do much.