I don't know what to do!!

[Butterflys Momm]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I was never married to her dad, and when he found out I was pregnant, he left the picture...then a week before I had her, he came back saying he wanted to be a part of her life, and so he signed the birth certificate and she has his last name...he has only seen her a total of 21 times since she has been born and he hasn't seen her at all since she was 5 months old (May of 2003). He very rarely pays child support, so I'm receiving OWF for her, but that will stop when she's 3 years old. I'm on SSI because I'm in a wheelchair, and don't receive a lot of money, but I can't seem to find any other help for my daughter. I barely make ends meet, and I would really like to get her father's name off the birth certificate and get his rights revoked, so he's not in the picture anymore, but I'm afraid I'd be screwing myself in the long run and put myself further in debt than I am now. I have a boyfriend who says that he'd adopt her, but not for a while. I would like to get her last name changed back to mine before she realizes what a last name is. Would I be able to get him for being "unfit" and does anyone know of any help I'd be able to get for her since I'll be raising her myself? Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!!!

Thanks.

 

[stealth2]

Is there actually a support order? If there is and he's not paying, you should take him back for contempt. If there is not, then you should file for one. Courts generally do not like to terminate parental rights w/o adoption because it effectively kills off one avenue of support. The state does not want to be in the position of supporting the kid unless necessary. Yoru b/f cannot adopt the child until he's your husband. And it doesn't sound like he's all that keen on the idea anyway. As for her last name, you have to notify the other parent, and he has the right to contest it.

 

[Butterflys Momm]

Yeah, there is a support order, but even if he does pay a few dollars a month, I don't see it, because I get the OWF. He's supposed to pay $262.00 a month, and I receive $223 from OWF. They told me I'd be better off to take the OWF instead of depending on him to pay. So there's really nothing I can do about him NOT paying since I'm getting the OWF. That's in Job and Family Services hands.(which stinks because I'm getting less than what I'm supposed to be getting from him). He's almost $3000.00 behind, and I've contacted my case worker and told her his new address and everything and they haven't done anything about it. And about the boyfriend situation. He really wants to adopt her, but right now, he's not financially ready to take on the responsibilty. I know we have to be married before that can take place, and that's what I was meaning (sorry I wasn't more specific about that.) I was told that if I were to put it in the paper as him being a "missing person" for 6 weeks, and he didn't reply to it, that his rights would be automatically gone. But the problem with that is, I'd lose everything I get for her now (through the state), and I don't get enough through SSI to be able to provide for everything on my own. I also don't know what to do after the OWF stops when she turns 3 (in December). When that stops, I WON'T have enough money to pay for everything! I know I'd be able to prove him as an unfit parent if need be, because of everything he's done, but if I do that, then I'll lose out in the end, and if I don't, I'll still be losing, because he can hold stuff over my head if things don't go his way (like if Job and Family Services turn him in for not paying support, he'd somehow turn everything around back on me and make me look like the bad guy).

 

[LdiJ]

Yeah, there is a support order, but even if he does pay a few dollars a month, I don't see it, because I get the OWF. He's supposed to pay $262.00 a month, and I receive $223 from OWF. They told me I'd be better off to take the OWF instead of depending on him to pay. So there's really nothing I can do about him NOT paying since I'm getting the OWF. That's in Job and Family Services hands.(which stinks because I'm getting less than what I'm supposed to be getting from him). He's almost $3000.00 behind, and I've contacted my case worker and told her his new address and everything and they haven't done anything about it. And about the boyfriend situation. He really wants to adopt her, but right now, he's not financially ready to take on the responsibilty. I know we have to be married before that can take place, and that's what I was meaning (sorry I wasn't more specific about that.) I was told that if I were to put it in the paper as him being a "missing person" for 6 weeks, and he didn't reply to it, that his rights would be automatically gone. But the problem with that is, I'd lose everything I get for her now (through the state), and I don't get enough through SSI to be able to provide for everything on my own. I also don't know what to do after the OWF stops when she turns 3 (in December). When that stops, I WON'T have enough money to pay for everything! I know I'd be able to prove him as an unfit parent if need be, because of everything he's done, but if I do that, then I'll lose out in the end, and if I don't, I'll still be losing, because he can hold stuff over my head if things don't go his way (like if Job and Family Services turn him in for not paying support, he'd somehow turn everything around back on me and make me look like the bad guy).

Is there no hope for you to get SSDI rather than SSI? That alone would improve your situation signficantly.

 

[waitinMd]

Is your daughter eligible for social security benefits because of your disability. And if OWF stops in December, can you then file for child support??

If you don't file for child support, then you really aren't losing anything if you wait a few months and try to take him off the birth certificate. I don't see why you would take him off right now. You can ask the courts to terminate his parental rights if he has not had contact with her, if they do that, he still has to pay child support.

 

[Butterflys Momm]

No, she's not eligible for anything, because I'm just on SSI....I'm not on SSD. I'm not eligible for SSD because I haven't worked long enough to get it. I worked part time when I was in high school (at the school I was attending), then went straight to college, and got pregnant while I was in college, and was told I couldn't work the whole time for medical reasons, and I'm not able to work now because of complications that happened during child birth.

I can file for child support when the OWF stops, but what I'm scared of is him not paying. If he doesn't give me at least $200 of what he's supposed to pay, I won't have enough to live on.

And about getting his name off....I'm just afraid one of these days he's going to take me to court for visitations, and he LITERALLY isn't in his right mind to be around a child alone, but they'll at least give him a chance to try and prove he is, but it's what he could do during that chance that I'm afraid of. He's threatened to take her and run away with her when she was a baby, but I don't have any proof of it. I don't know. I just don't trust him at all because of things he has said and done. Even when he WAS seeing her, he would come over one day, and then disappear for a week or 2 without calling or anything, and I don't want that kind of life for my daughter. She deserves to have both parents in her life full-time, but if he's just going to be a part-time daddy, I don't think it's healthy for her and I want to try and protect her from the hurt. She already calls my boyfriend daddy and everything and thinks the world of him, and all it's going to do if her "real" dad comes back into the picture, is confuse her. I should have known all this was going to be going on, because he left me when he found out I was pregnant and wasn't there for me the whole time until a week before I had her. He was at the hospital the whole time, but when we got home, he disappeared for 2 weeks....he didn't even come see her for Christmas or anything. But, I'm going to close this for now...it's getting late and trying to keep a 2 year old to sleep in past 6 is pretty hard so I need to go get some beauty sleep. LOL Any more advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[VeronicaGia]

Is your daughter eligible for social security benefits because of your disability. And if OWF stops in December, can you then file for child support??

If you don't file for child support, then you really aren't losing anything if you wait a few months and try to take him off the birth certificate. I don't see why you would take him off right now. You can ask the courts to terminate his parental rights if he has not had contact with her, if they do that, he still has to pay child support.

She cannot remove him from the birth certificate unless someone else adopts the child She cannot terminate his parental rights either, since it is not nearly enough time to do that and there is no one willing to adopt. If she and her boyfriend marry, after at least a year, he would be able to adopt, but it doesn't sound like he's willing and even the, dad would have to agree or be court ordered.

 

[Butterflys Momm]

I checked into this. I can terminate his parental rights. He hasn't been around since she was 5 months old and she will be 3 in December, and I have other proof that proves he's an unfit father. If I wasn't on SSI and could prove I can take care of her financially on my own, I would be able to get his name off the certificate, but since I'm on SSI at this point in time, they won't let me unless I have other means of money (which I'm not allowed to have while on SSI).

And about the boyfriend thing....he IS willing to adopt her, but just not at this point in time....like I said in my last post...he's not financially stable enough at this point in time, because of job change, to do so. That's why he wants to wait until he has all of his bills caught up so he can provide for her. He buys her pull-ups when he can and has provided WAY more than her biological father ever has. He hasn't provided ANYTHING to this day for her except for the first few months of child support and a few dollars here and there. He keeps telling people that I won't let him see her. That is not the case....He hasn't attempted to see her at all since May of 2003. Since she was born, I have had to beg him to come see her and be a part of her life, and in September of 2003, I quit begging him.

I thought of another question. Would there be anyway I could find out if he claimed her on his taxes? Since he hasn't been paying support, he wouldn't be able to do that would he?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I checked into this. I can terminate his parental rights. He hasn't been around since she was 5 months old and she will be 3 in December, and I have other proof that proves he's an unfit father. If I wasn't on SSI and could prove I can take care of her financially on my own, I would be able to get his name off the certificate, but since I'm on SSI at this point in time, they won't let me unless I have other means of money (which I'm not allowed to have while on SSI).

And about the boyfriend thing....he IS willing to adopt her, but just not at this point in time....like I said in my last post...he's not financially stable enough at this point in time, because of job change, to do so. That's why he wants to wait until he has all of his bills caught up so he can provide for her. He buys her pull-ups when he can and has provided WAY more than her biological father ever has. He hasn't provided ANYTHING to this day for her except for the first few months of child support and a few dollars here and there. He keeps telling people that I won't let him see her. That is not the case....He hasn't attempted to see her at all since May of 2003. Since she was born, I have had to beg him to come see her and be a part of her life, and in September of 2003, I quit begging him.

I thought of another question. Would there be anyway I could find out if he claimed her on his taxes? Since he hasn't been paying support, he wouldn't be able to do that would he?

You are seriously deluded if you think you can do any of what you said above.

First, you have no other responsible party to adopt.

Second, you have admitted here that you are committing a crime (fraud) by taking monies without reporting to SSI.

Third, your child's father does not fall under the legal definition of 'abandonment'.

Fourth, YOU can't do anything about the birth certificate. Only the court can and that is only AFTER a TPR hearing and adoption.

It's time to grow up little girl. You laid down with this guy and now you are bound to him for 18 years.

 

[Butterflys Momm]

First. If I wasn't on SSI, I wouldn't HAVE to have someone adopt her if I can prove her father is unfit. I talked to my case worker about it.

Second. I NEVER said I was taking money and not reporting it to SSI. I said that they won't let me get his name off the certificate because I'm on SSI and I don't have other means of money to provide for her (which I'm not allowed to have while on SSI).

Third. How does he not fall under the legal definition of "abandonment"? He hasn't seen her since she was 5 months old, and hasn't paid a single penny in child support for quite a few months. Here in Ohio, that is classified as abandonment. If a parent hasn't been around for 6 weeks without any contact with the costodial parent and child, he's classified as abandoning the child. I posted in a previous post that if I put it in the paper as him being a "missing person" for 6 weeks, and he didn't reply to it, that his rights would be automatically gone. But I can't do that right now because of the SSI. I was told that by my case worker also.

Fourth. I know I MYSELF can't do anything about the birth certificate. I KNOW I have to go through court to get it done. I never said I can do it myself. And like I have several times before...here in Ohio, you don't have to have someone adopt if you can prove that you're financially able to take on the responsibilty on your own and not on SSI or any other for of government assistance.

And why be so hostile and call me a little girl and tell me to grow up? I know I laid down with him and got pregnant. And I'm being an ADULT about it and taking on MY responsibilities of raising her. If he's not going to provide for her and be a father to her like a father should, then I WILL NOT be bound to him for the next 18 years. No child should have to be treated the way that he treats her, and I'm not going to let her get hurt by him anymore. He doesn't want anything to do with her....I don't see how that makes ME the immature one. I didn't come on here to get chewed out or treated like I'm a little kid. I came on here to get advice. If you can't give any, then why bother responding?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

then if you are taking legal advice from a caseworker you're as big an idiot as I seem to think you are.

Ohio Rev. Code Ann. § 2151.414(B), (C), (E), (F) (West, WESTLAW through 2001 Files 1-3)

Now, go back to that caseworker and ask her/him if they will represent you in court.

 

[legalcuriosity]

First. If I wasn't on SSI, I wouldn't HAVE to have someone adopt her if I can prove her father is unfit. I talked to my case worker about it.

Case workers are as clueless as those who work in the child support divisions. NEITHER are lawyers or judges. You can NOT simply terminate his rights "just like that!" You might as well stop because it won't happen.

Third. How does he not fall under the legal definition of "abandonment"? He hasn't seen her since she was 5 months old, and hasn't paid a single penny in child support for quite a few months. Here in Ohio, that is classified as abandonment.

Ummm, no it's not.

If a parent hasn't been around for 6 weeks without any contact with the costodial parent and child, he's classified as abandoning the child.

Ummm...wrong again.

I posted in a previous post that if I put it in the paper as him being a "missing person" for 6 weeks, and he didn't reply to it, that his rights would be automatically gone. But I can't do that right now because of the SSI. I was told that by my case worker also.

So you'd be committing some sort of a crime by filing a "missing persons" report. Is this Jennifer Wilbanks? I didn't realize you moved from Georgia to Ohio. LOL

Why don't you ask your case worker for their law school credentials. If Sally Struthers' name is at the bottom, I'd run.

And like I have several times before...here in Ohio, you don't have to have someone adopt if you can prove that you're financially able to take on the responsibilty on your own and not on SSI or any other for of government assistance.

I live in Ohio and that is WRONG!

And why be so hostile and call me a little girl and tell me to grow up? I know I laid down with him and got pregnant. And I'm being an ADULT about it and taking on MY responsibilities of raising her. If he's not going to provide for her and be a father to her like a father should, then I WILL NOT be bound to him for the next 18 years. No child should have to be treated the way that he treats her, and I'm not going to let her get hurt by him anymore. He doesn't want anything to do with her....I don't see how that makes ME the immature one. I didn't come on here to get chewed out or treated like I'm a little kid. I came on here to get advice. If you can't give any, then why bother responding?[/QUOTE]

You are getting advice. But you insist on listening to a freaking case worker (make sure you ask for their law school credentials). I live in Ohio and I can tell you what you were told is a huge crock of crap!

BTW...I might have missed this, but has this guy even filed for visitation? If not, that is HIS choice and is not considered abandonment.

 

[Butterflys Momm]

It's considered abandonment when he doesn't provide for her (like paying support like he's ordered to do). And my case worker used to be a lawyer for this kind of stuff, so therefore she must be right somewhere down the line. And as for me getting advice? I'm not getting that (at least from the last few people who have responded...other's have been helpful). I'm getting bashed left and right and being called an idiot and stupid for asking questions and telling you guys what I have been told. Ummm...looks to me like ya'll are the childish ones for gettin an attitude with me and being very RUDE about it.

Would greatly appreciate advice from people who actually give a rat's a**...Not from people who want to judge.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

If your caseworker is so smart then what are you doing here? Why haven't you started the TPR already?

Someone is lying here.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

It's considered abandonment when he doesn't provide for her (like paying support like he's ordered to do). WRONG!!!!!!!

And my case worker used to be a lawyer for this kind of stuff, so therefore she must be right somewhere down the line. And as for me getting advice? I'm not getting that (at least from the last few people who have responded...other's have been helpful). You have been told the truth. Just have your case worker represent you in court for "This kind of Stuff". We know how far it will go.


I'm getting bashed left and right and being called an idiot and stupid for asking questions and telling you guys what I have been told. Ummm...looks to me like ya'll are the childish ones for gettin an attitude with me and being very RUDE about it.

Would greatly appreciate advice from people who actually give a rat's a**...Not from people who want to judge.

What do you "WANT" to hear?