I just have a question---if your going to jump on me--don't even read this!!

[ChevyGirl]

Oh I'm not trying to make excuses for him moving around---that was his biggest mistake!!!!

My main complaint isn't that he doesn't get to see the child--I guess my main complaint is, why can a mother ask the father to relinguish rights, but the father can't ask the mother to relinguish his rights--she can say no, so that she continues to get support---even though she wants him to have nothing to do with the child..........

What good would it do for him to file for visitation?? With her living in Utah and him in Nebraska--at best he'd get the summers---the child is 4 years old--I would hope that they would not take a child away from his mother for an entire summer to make him come here and spend it with someone the child doesn't even know--that would be unfair to the child..... If he lived in Utah, with near the child that would be different...

She has a point here. Try to step back and remember when you were 4 years old. Now, imagine mommy, who you love and adore, sends you to another state. And not only another state, but with someone you have never even met before that doesn't want you. If this bio-mom really cared about her kid, she would let bio-dad TPR. Bio-mom is all about the money money money.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

Although I can see that side, bio dad is also at fault for never even trying to gain visitation. His "moving around alot" is not a good excuse.

 

[CMSC]

Oh I'm not trying to make excuses for him moving around---that was his biggest mistake!!!!

My main complaint isn't that he doesn't get to see the child--I guess my main complaint is, why can a mother ask the father to relinguish rights, but the father can't ask the mother to relinguish his rights--she can say no, so that she continues to get support---even though she wants him to have nothing to do with the child..........

What good would it do for him to file for visitation?? With her living in Utah and him in Nebraska--at best he'd get the summers---the child is 4 years old--I would hope that they would not take a child away from his mother for an entire summer to make him come here and spend it with someone the child doesn't even know--that would be unfair to the child..... If he lived in Utah, with near the child that would be different...

Then just give up! How is the child supposed to get to know dad if dad doesn't want him in the summer?

I will tell you this much, my step son lives in California and starting at the age of 5 he flew to Nebraska EVERY summer for the entire summer! He is now 10 and has no problem flying out here. It is an expensive flight and you have to pay the airlines unaccompanied minor fee's but who cares? Getting to see him is what matters.

Is the child 4 or 5? You have given two seperate ages. If dad moves so much how difficult would a move to Utah be for him?

 

[stealth2]

Why hasn't he done anything over the past four years to get to know his child? Has he made ANY effort? Or just thrown up his hands?

 

[Courtney's Mom]

He and his wife split before she had delivered... There was sooo much trouble in their marriage of only 7 months, that he was offered a job in Florida, and he took it... He had already moved to Florida before she knew she was pregnant....

Then he while he was in Florida--he took a job in New Jersey to be near his family.... Then he moved here to Nebraska.... He ALWAYS sends b-day presents/cards -- holiday cards and christmas presents.... but he's pretty convinced that she doesn't tell him who it's from, she just gives it to the son... She will 'occassionally' let Kevin talk to his son on the phone, but being only 4--that lasts about 45 seconds because of a 4-year olds attention span!! She sends Kevin usually 1 picture a year of his son, usually a birthday picture...... Kevin's name is not on the birth certificate...she didn't even file for child support, but she went to get on assistance after losing her job, and they filed for support for the child....... I guess she was only on assistance for about 6 months, but it was long enough for them to file for child support....

I suppose he could file for visitation, but living so far away... We just figured a judge would never grant that--especially when the child knows NOTHING....... that's not fair to the child....

I know some of you on here say "unless your the one directly involved, we don't wanna hear from step-parents" but ya know.... we are just as involved as the 'real' parents sometimes..... paying child support comes out of my household money coming in....... WE not him, WE have to budget for child support.... it affects EVERYONE involved, not just the bio-parents........ If my daughter is scheduled to go to her dads for the weekend, and Kevin wants to take us all to a movie, it affects him too..... If my daughter has to be taken to the dr, and it costs $300, that affects Kevin and my ex's wife....... to say that only the BIO parents are the ones involved is just ridiculous..... maybe they shouldn't stick their nose in where it doesn't belong sometimes--but it affects them just the same!!

 

[stealth2]

So..... why didn't he do something to get visitation? I'm sorry - it's a bunch of excuses from the sound of it. It's his kid. The courts are not going to let him walk away from his responsibility to the child in terms of financial support. But if he wants more than that, he needs to get his a$$ in gear and file for visitation. If he can't be bothered to do that, then that's his problem. But I hope you'll think twice before you (a) marry him or (b) have any children with him. You've already seen the priority he places on fatherhood.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

There are really only two options here. Tell Kevin to talk to his ex and ask her to terminate his rights and her husband adopt since the boy thinks his step dad is his father anyway, or, file for visitation and a child support mod. The latter might encourage the former.

 

[Courtney's Mom]

Just because of this situation says nothing of how he is now..... He's amazing with my daughter, he's taught her to fish, he spends time doing things with her that she wants to do, he took her to Shrek 2 --2 weeks ago when i was sick...... he's more of a father to her than her BIO father is....... Kevin helped with her b-day party, he was there when she blew out her candles, opened her presents and he was even the one at 2am that told the girls they HAD to go to sleep!!!! her BIO father didn't even call her on her b-day let alone buy her a darn thing..... So just because he has not had visitation with the 4 year old child does NOT mean he's a BAD dad.... he's not avoiding his responsiblity towards child support that so many dead beat dads are..... he's trying to work this out with his ex in the best interests of the child.... it's NOT Kevin's decision for that child not to know kevin's his dad....... It's his ex's....... because she thinks it's easier on the child this way........ Until he's older and can understand it all.....

 

[stealth2]

Until he's older and can understand it all.....

When he's older and can understand it all he's gonna want to know why Daddy didn't fight to see him, but played Daddy for some other kid. Don't expect a wine & roses reception.

 

[ChevyGirl]

Although I can see that side, bio dad is also at fault for never even trying to gain visitation. His "moving around alot" is not a good excuse.

I agree, and I stated that the little boy shouldn't be forced to go somewhere that he wasn't wanted (bio-dads). When you want a child enough, when you love them enough, etc. etc, there is no excuse to keep you from fighting for your rights. Whether it be money or whatever the reason, there is no excuse. I get so sick of hearing men say "oh, she was so mean to me, so I had to give up my rights". Well, those kind of men need to get some balls and face the fact that they gave up their kids because they didn't want them as much as the money it would take to get to see them. Just MHO though!!!

 

[MBMom]

it's NOT Kevin's decision for that child not to know kevin's his dad

That may be so up to this point, but it IS his decision to not change that. Stealth is absolutely right. That child WILL wonder one day why his dad didn't fight for him. It's not about Kevin's feelings...it's about that child's. Sure getting to know his dad would be tough at first, but do you really think that child would one day be complaining about it? My mom and dad divorced when I was young, and my bio-dad did NOTHING to try and see us. He figured since he couldn't pay the cs, he didn't have the right to see us [brother and I]. BS! If he'd dug a little deeper, he would've known he could see us regardless. But I guess that's how much we meant to him. Now he's married and has four kids. At least THEY mean enough to him.