I need advise. out of state visitation

[tcitrin02]

What is the name of your state? Kentucky

I need any help or advise I can get at this point. I am a mother of two children from a previous divorce and remarried last year to a wonderful man. Well my current husband is in the army and currently deployeed to South Korea. Upon his return he is being stationed in Louisiana and it will be approx 10-12 hours away from where I currently preside. To make this short in my divorce the state never set a visitation guidline. I have joint custody but I hold the primary residence. When I went to court to do the right thing and have out-of-state visitation established from out of the blue my ex-husband decided to fight me. Well even though he owes back-childsupport, never agrees to help me pay for my children private schooling (let me add that he wanted them to go to), tells me to provide him with the diapers and wipes he needs because thats what he pays me child support for, has never once paid any medical insurance on the children, and tells my kids how bad of a mother I am and that he cant afford to buy them anything because I take all his money. My husband now is the one that pays for the medical on my children and has since the day we wed. Anyhow they have now ruled that its not in the best interest of the children to move to Louisiana because I have exstended family in Kentucky. The only exstended family I have is my parenst and a grandmother and thats it! I asked the judge for facts and finding on why he ruled that way and now he has given my ex and I fifteen days to give him a memorandum with our statemenst and he will reconsider with these and rule. All I am asking for is if anyone knows anything that may be useful to me at this point i would greatly appreciate it. I am going on 3 days with no sleep researching all this and working my job and taking care of my children. Choosing between my husband and my children is not a choose that needs to be made, even though I will never leave my children I can not choose. I'm having to choose between family and family. Please help!!

 

[VeronicaGia]

Is your ex in KY too? If so, that is likely why the judge has told you that you have to stay there. How can he exercise joint custody when you're a few states away?

I don't think this is an unreasonable request. Your new husband is not the father of the child, your ex is. Why should your ex and child be separated?

Now, if your ex isn't in KY either, I have no idea why a judge would rule this way, unless the judge simply does not want to give up jurisdiction over the case.

 

[tcitrin02]

out of state visitation

so i guess your telling me to just stay here with my kids and let my husband go off for atleast 3 years by himself and live without his family 5 states away. ok i would like to see if you could ever do that. Or excuse me let my dead beat ex split my family up. My new husband is more of a faher to my children than their own father. It funny how you said to stay here considering that my ex told the court that he loves to see his kids and yet he only picks them up for about a few hours and drops them back off saying that he cant handle them. Let me tell you hes a good role model!!!!!!

 

[Terry7]

If hes not taking them his entire visitation scedual,why dont you bring that up in your writtigs to the Judge.
You agreed to Joint Custody.Unless you and your X can agree on a visitation scudual,ext,from state to state,it is unlikly the Judge will be swayed,Unless you can show and prove in your writtings fo consideration ,he is grossly not utlizing his visitations as ordered,and this is only causing you hardship,but your willing to work out state to state visits,wheras he would have to keep the child(ren) the entire ordered time.
Order time is just that,if he is in violation bring it up in your filings,also.

 

[Bre's_mom]

I agree with Veronica...

You leaving the state to be with your new hubby, is not fair to your ex or the kids. Think of your kids, the farther you move the more traveling time it takes for them to see their dad. Plus if a judge did say you can move to the other state, he might also make you 100% responsible for all transportation costs, since it was your decision to move so far away. I understand that you want to be with your new hubby, but you need to remember that at one point you were with you ex, and created children with him, he could not have been that bad, or you would not have had kids with him, you would have gotten out of the relationship with him before getting pregnant twice(or maybe more, you didnt say) And you should not refer to the children as MY KIDS, they are not just yours. Think of your and your ex's kids, they need both their parents. And your comment about your new hubby being a better father, well what if your ex married and said his new wife was a better mother! Grow up, and think of the kids

 

[haiku]

sorry, but your new husband has an obligation to his new wifes family, and that includes going along with HIS WIFE and doing everything HE can to encourage his wifes childrens relationship with thier dad.

if yo uwant to convince the judge you need to layoff insulting the father and show how yo uare going ot bend over backwards to make sure your kids visit often and at your expense.

 

[stealth2]

Your best bet is to prepare a generous visitation schedule to present (including offering to pay for all transportation costs). But you may well find yourself stuck. While I realize that's not what you want to hear, it's the reality when in the situation you're in. Your husband knew you had kids and would be limited in your ability to move, and you knew that he was in the military and likely to move - not two situations that are easily reconciled.

You could also file against your ex for contempt wrt the child support, etc.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Re: out of state visitation

so i guess your telling me to just stay here with my kids and let my husband go off for atleast 3 years by himself and live without his family 5 states away. ok i would like to see if you could ever do that. Or excuse me let my dead beat ex split my family up. My new husband is more of a faher to my children than their own father. It funny how you said to stay here considering that my ex told the court that he loves to see his kids and yet he only picks them up for about a few hours and drops them back off saying that he cant handle them. Let me tell you hes a good role model!!!!!!

No, I'm not telling you this at all. A judge told you this, it is a court order. The simple fact is that unless you can get the court order changed you must follow it!

And don't blame me that you had kids with this guy. You made your own bed.

 

[tcitrin02]

well i have read all the replies and thank you for everyone whom may have given me some advice but i can go without peoples opinions. I dont judge you and you all shouldnt judge me. It comes down to the fact that you all have no clue as to what all goes on in my life so dont tell me to grow up. It is also a fact that NOBODY IS PERFECT!!! I have made mistakes in my past while I was young by getting involved with a man I thought I would be with the rest of my life but htings happened in my marriage that you all have no clue about. The good thing is I am with a great guy now whom loves me for who i am and my kids as well and you cant help who you fall in love with! i didnt ask to fall in love with a guy that was in the military knowing he would probably have to move! Im not that petty. All I am asking is not to judge me but give me any advice if you have experience with a similiar situation of this sort. i dont judge you so dont judge me!

 

[Terry7]

You have been given a number of suggestions.What you do with them is up to you.
The Laws ,are the Laws.If you beleive they should change write your congress & legislators,even the president.
We all have are Emotional rollercoaster lives to tell about,you are NOT unique ( as you state you are looking for some advice from someone in a simular boat ).
Why didn't you say so up front ? We have been trying to tell you ,you can-not expect a magical pill to fix this.
Work it out with the Kids father,end of story !!

 

[tcitrin02]

i never said i was unique or any more special than anyone else for gods sake. And do you not think i have tried to work it out with him. I have offered him everything i can as far as him not paying any child support to having the kids every christmas and paying transportation. Im not trying to take his kids away from him and i would never hold my kids against their father. for after all he is their father. All I am guilty of is trying to keep together my family. Is somethig wrong with that?

 

[haiku]

. for after all he is their father. All I am guilty of is trying to keep together my family. Is somethig wrong with that?

NO but your childrens family STILL includes thier dad, if you want to be succesful, when this goes to court you need to do everything in your power to make his access to his children easy.

These are not opinions they are fact.

 

[Terry7]

Just out of Curiosity, are you aware , soldiers in the armed forces,have spent many many months/years away from there families to serve their country ?
He chose that feild , you knew about it ,and chose him with all the baggage.
If he is the wonderful man you claim,i'm sure you'll wait for him.
Plus I'm sure if he's stationed in the States,he will get time to come spend with you.
Aren't you allowed to take the Kids out of state for visits ? That's another option,you two ( new hubby & you ) could set up.
If you want something bad enough you CAN work something out,even if it's not an every day living arrangement, for the time being.
What if he were to get shipped overseas , for say 18 months or more?

Nazerath " Love hurts "

 

[tcitrin02]

my husband is overseas right now and has been for the last 10 months and will be until april 2004. this is his last overseas tour because this makes his 4th overseas assignment. I understand that my kids father is part of their family as well and i think i stated that i would never take that away. he knows just as well as i do that he could see his kids and I am willing to let him see his children. I understand facts and I have tried everything. I dont see my husband as any baggage what-so-ever and I dont think that anyone else would for the fact. I will not do what most do against military men and woman and that is hold his job against him. Just because he signed up for duty to protect all of us doesnt mean he signed up to be told he cant be with his family the whole 20 years of his career because if so who would ever go into the military. Him and i have had to endure alot of time apart already and I dont think that spending another 3 years 15 hours apart from my husband could be called a marriage if i do say so myself.

 

[tcitrin02]

just out of curiosity!! would anyone be willing to be apart from thier husband for 5 years during the first 6 years of their marriage so they can be in the same state as their ex husband so he could see the kids whenever he feels like it. Oh and just out of curiosity if my ex was to move let me guess some of you would exspect me to move along with him so he could see his kids right?