I really need help

[elouisehelen]

I live in Ohio married for 16 yrs have two daughter ages 13 and 15. My husband takes no interest in kids, doesn't like them involved in anything, gets mad when they go to their games, practices etc. He told me that if I ever left him he would a) keep the kids b) call the Sheriff's dept to report that I stole the van (it's in his name but that's what I drive). He said that he would fight everything. The kids don't want to have anything to do with him. I want to get out of the house and am thinking about getting a place of my own so that if I do file for divorce I can already be gone with the kids. I'm scared to death if I am at the house when he finds out it won't be a pretty site. The only relatives around are his parents. Also, he does one illegal drug since we've been married. He doesn't do it around the kids and goes outside or for a drive with his friends. He says that if I mention anything he can take something that will hide the evidence if they take tests. What should I do? Will I get in trouble for his actions? Can he take the kids from me? Everyone in the community knows that he takes no interest in the kids. They aren't aware of his other actions. I really, really need help. I can't take it much longer and neither can the kids. We hate coming home at night, we never know how he'll react.

 

[recycbride]

for ellie-ohio divorce

Sounds as if you're in a mental abuse situtation--Does he work? Do you work? For starters--don't leave the house, unless of course you're in a dangerous situation--He can't just take the kids-custody has to be agreed upon and at there age if necessary their desires would be taken into consideration--You have been married for 16yrs--you are entitled to plenty--child support, alimony, the house, etc. In other words, if you choose to you can literally take him to the cleaners. I am not an attorney but I live in ohio and have been through a divorce so I do know a few things--I have the name of an excellent attorney in my area--he is known to be one of the best divorce attorneys-- I used him myself--He will go for the jugular if you want him to--and he will see to it that you and the children get what you are entitled to--you can e-mail if you want his name at recycbride@aol.com--He is in the Columbus area. Most importantly you do need to sit down with an attorney--In the mean time if you can, make copies of all his pay stubs/checks, look for other monies he might have without your knowlege--and if you have a joint checking account and you do the grocery shopping start writing the grocery checks out for $20 over the amount and pocket the $$ so you have your own little stash incase you need some escape $$--also, now is the time for you to apply for a credit card in your name only--If you have joint cards he will cancel them when you get divorced and you don't want to be without any credit card.

 

[recycbride]

Re: for ellie-ohio divorce

Sounds as if you're in a mental abuse situtation--Does he work? Do you work? For starters--don't leave the house, unless of course you're in a dangerous situation--He can't just take the kids-custody has to be agreed upon and at there age if necessary their desires would be taken into consideration--You have been married for 16yrs--you are entitled to plenty--child support, alimony, the house, etc. In other words, if you choose to you can literally take him to the cleaners. I am not an attorney but I live in ohio and have been through a divorce so I do know a few things--I have the name of an excellent attorney in my area--he is known to be one of the best divorce attorneys-- I used him myself--He will go for the jugular if you want him to--and he will see to it that you and the children get what you are entitled to--you can e-mail if you want his name at recycbride@aol.com--He is in the Columbus area. Most importantly you do need to sit down with an attorney--In the mean time if you can, make copies of all his pay stubs/checks, look for other monies he might have without your knowlege--and if you have a joint checking account and you do the grocery shopping start writing the grocery checks out for $20 over the amount and pocket the $$ so you have your own little stash incase you need some escape $$--also, now is the time for you to apply for a credit card in your name only--If you have joint cards he will cancel them when you get divorced and you don't want to be without any credit card.

 

[qadaq]

Is there an echo in here? (grin) It sounds like recycbride has it REALLY covered. All I can add is this. If you have two children, you don't need a van to escape. Call a taxi, or if you want to load up stuff rent one of those in town $20 a day plus mileage pickups from U-Haul. Take off and he can't even call the cops. Now, as for the "not pretty sight" if he finds out before you can get away, I offer this one piece of information. A 90 pound woman can drop a 350 pound linebacker with a .45. Guns are wonderful equalizers, (It amazes me that women don't like that idea.) just make sure you have it handy and he doesn't find it. If you fear for your life you have the right to defend yourself. Don't pull it unless you're GOING to use it. You'll only get one chance to pull it then he will either have one or make sure you don't. Only an idiot pulls a gun to "scare them". If you pull it, use it. Shoot to kill. The less he says the better. (Dead men tell no tales.) The only time you might leave him alive, and this is very risky, is if he stops dead in his tracks. If he stops, and puts his hands up, keep the gun trained on him, have your daughter call the cops, don't let him move until they arrive and charge him with attempted murder. Don't listen to a word he says either when you pull the gun or while you're waiting. It's over. If he moves toward you don't hesitate, kill him. If he's smart enough to stay put, press charges. Don't look back. One thing, though, in 5 years this will all be academic anyway. Your daughters will be legal adults (unless somebody changed the law) and don't ever have to mess with him again.

 

[Grandma B]

And now we know why Halkert and IAAL think you're an idiot! You are, you know, and a dangerous one at that!

 

[qadaq]

You'll find that most people who want to take from people really hate dangerous victims.