I told him from the beginning he wasn't the father

[dorndorff]

I live in Texas. I have been married for almost 8 years. We have two children together. The second child, born 2 years ago, is the result of an affair. I told my husband from the beginning that he was probably not the father, but he insisted that it didn't matter and that he would love and raise the boy as his own.

Now, I want a divorce and he is threatening to have dna done to prove he's not the father. He is the daddy, and he loves his son and his son loves him. Do you think a judge would really allow him to disown him? I have no intentions of divulging the name of the "real" father.

 

[nextwife]

Just curious. YOU now want the divorce. What do you now wish as to access / custody of these kids? Where do you intend to have them live in relation to your soon to be ex?

 

[stealth2]

II have no intentions of divulging the name of the "real" father.

You may not have much choice if it comes down to getting support for the child. It's expecting a lot for a person to accept a child that their spouse conceived in an adulterous affair - and while your stbx may have made a good effort at it, it's not unusual for it to fall apart. Yes, it is possible that a judge will order a DNA test and excuse your stbx from support.

Chickens always come home to roost.

 

[Boxcarbill]

I live in Texas. I have been married for almost 8 years. We have two children together. The second child, born 2 years ago, is the result of an affair. I told my husband from the beginning that he was probably not the father, but he insisted that it didn't matter and that he would love and raise the boy as his own.

Now, I want a divorce and he is threatening to have dna done to prove he's not the father. He is the daddy, and he loves his son and his son loves him. Do you think a judge would really allow him to disown him? I have no intentions of divulging the name of the "real" father.

I not only think but actually know that the husband, who is the presumed father, can rebut that presumption by denying paternity and having a DNA test performed which excludes him as the father.

 

[julbug66]

is your husband's name on the birth certificate? i'm not sure how this works in Texas, but in AZ, if the man willingly puts his name on the birth certificate as the father, he is assuming responsibility for that child (when he signs the BC, he is "acknowledging paternity"). your husband may have a hard time getting out of supporting him if this is also the case in TX.

btw, what a schmuck. if you're going to love a child as your own, then DO IT ALWAYS. it's not fair for your boy to have to through this. is he old enough to understand what is going on? (if not, i'd suggest keeping this from him as much as you can)

 

[stealth2]

In answer to your question. julbug:

"The second child, born 2 years ago"

And it's no more schmucky than having an affair, truth be told.

 

[nextwife]

" if you're going to love a child as your own, then DO IT ALWAYS"

I agree, however, is he saying this because she is moving in with whomever he suspects is the biodad? If the biodad is going to GET to be the father to this child, I can understand where he's coming from Remember, SHE is the one who is asking for the divorce, and, I presume, wants custody. So she does not want him around to act as father (or so it seems), she just wants him to continue the financial responsibility. Is she going to let HIM continue to be father to this child, in more than financial ways? Will he have regular daily access, or will she be claiming she doesn't need to let him see the child as "it's not his", or moving the kids away so that he can't see them?

I can understand his anger - he accepted the child as his own, she stays with him long enough for him to bond, and then wants to up and take the child away. Betcha if he had continued living with this child, he would have been perfectly happy to support him.

My DH and I love and support our daughter, and neither of us have matching DNA, BUT we also get to have her with us. We get the benefit of her presence in our lives. For the husband, this situation is comparable to adopting a child, but not being able to have that child live with you. When you adopt a child (which he, sort of, did) you do it with the idea of having that child live with you in your home.

 

[dorndorff]

The rest of the story

It said be brief and to the point, so I didn't give all the gory details. In fact, had things been great two years ago, I probably wouldn't have been involved with anyone else. Yeah, I was a schmuck, but I've put up with a lot. And no, I am not moving in with the father; he's not in the picture, doesn't even know. I'm just tired.

 

[stealth2]

Unfortunately, none of that gets you out of the mess. Your stbx has every right to request a paternity test. Once he is disproven as the father (assuming you're correct), he will very possibly be given a pass on supporting this child. In that case, in order to get support, you will have to go after the bio-Dad. That would be up to you. However, in the future, should you decide to change the kid's name, have him adopted, end up receiving state aid - you will have to disclose the bioFather's name. These things don't go away. And at the end of the day - your son deserves to know who his father really is. Play time on that issue will need to end eventually.

 

[one1moment]

Think for Just a moment....

Would you be so willing to fight him to remain father IF he decided that he wanted custody of the kids and to limit your contact with them??????
I would be willing to bet you would be racing the other way to make sure he could not get custody of the child that is not his....sticky situation...As the legal father(and that is what he is right now) he has ALL the rights of a dad, including petitioning for custody.

 

[Boxcarbill]

is your husband's name on the birth certificate? i'm not sure how this works in Texas, but in AZ, if the man willingly puts his name on the birth certificate as the father, he is assuming responsibility for that child (when he signs the BC, he is "acknowledging paternity"). your husband may have a hard time getting out of supporting him if this is also the case in TX.

btw, what a schmuck. if you're going to love a child as your own, then DO IT ALWAYS. it's not fair for your boy to have to through this. is he old enough to understand what is going on? (if not, i'd suggest keeping this from him as much as you can)

Here is the way that it works in Texas. If a woman is married, her husband is the PRESUMED father of the child. The husband's name goes onto the birth certificate because he is the presumed father. The birth certificate is NOT an acknowledgement of paternity for the husband. An acknowledgment of paternity is a separate and distinct document, executed by both the mother and a man claiming to be the father and sworn to under oath. (It also must contain some other statutory mandated language and one of those things is that the child has no presumed father.)

The husband's presumption of paternity, however, may be rebutted at the time of divorce. This is done by denying paternity of one or more or of all the children which were born during the marriage. It is not a matter of the judge "letting" him deny paternity and then letting him have a DNA test done. The judge has no choice but to grant the DNA testing to allow the husband to rebut the presumption of his paternity. The law, specifically the Uniform Parentage Act, gives him the right to rebutt his presumed parentage. But once the Final Order makes a finding that the following child or children were born or adopted of the marriage and the judgment becomes final, 30 days after the judge signs the order, then the husband is no longer the presumed father but becomes the adjudicated father and he may no longer challenge his paternity after this.

 

[ccarter]

Don't you think the bio dad has a right to know that he has a son?
And is this decision for a divorce recent? Maybe your husband is just hurt right now that you are leaving him, if he was a good enough man to accept your child, born out of an affair, sounds like he has SOME character, so maybe its just his pain talking?