IAAL - You sick?

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Can you PLEASE tell me where I have said that you can't get advice from these boards from someone else ? If someone else who reads your posts wants to respond to you, more power to them !

I am not employed here. I come here like you do. If I choose not to answer certain types of writers, that's my choice - - not yours.

And, your response here is exactly what I'm talking about. It's emotional, and replete with feelings and beliefs of "I have my rights". That will be the Achilles heal for your husband, I assure you.

Go ahead, interfere with your husband's decisions and needs about his children, the child support, or spousal support.

Hey, I've already admitted I'm not everyone's cup of tea. Empathy and sympathy is a waste of an attorney's time, and being as how your attorney is charging by the quarter hour, you go right ahead and talk all you want and get all the sympathy you need - - if he allows it. But, remember, that meter is ticking away.

IAAL

 

[blueboy]

My wife is a wonderful stepmom, but she knows when to say when. Unfortunatly for her she was handed more of a say then she wanted at our last court date. I wanted my wife to be apart of all the disicions that regard her, and her family. I don't know where I'd be without my wife. She did almost all the leg work for me last 2 court dates. She did the searches, and attorney interviews for me. I was working 12 hours a day, and upto 6 days a week, and didn't have the time to do it myself. I have more time now, so she doesn't have to do it all.
No offense IAAL, but Im glad my wife didn't run into anyone like you in her lawyer search. We wouldn't be as far ahead in the persute of custody as we are. All of the lawyers we had were willing to listen to my wife, and thank God they did. My wife doesn't run things for me in court, but she had to do part of the preperations for court when I wasn't able to.
My wife may not have any legal rights to my daughter, but she is the one who got me visitation.My visitation is thanks to my wife. So, please don't put her in the catagory as the other steppers. She is a wonderful stepmom, and loves her stepdaughter and does more for her then her biomom does.
I don't mean to get emotional, and I wasn't going to post on this thread, but I don't want my wife put in the catagory you were luming all steppers into.
No, offense jsut want my wife's name clear here.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Very nice response. But, please allow me to make my position even clearer. If a Stepper wants to discuss matters with their spouse, then do it on your own time, at home - - not when I'm trying to discuss and explain the law and necessary strategy to my client. As a client, that's why you hired me. I don't like "Stepper" competition.

Remember, you are but one person with one wife who happens to be a Stepmother. As an attorney, however, I see this type of situation with Steppers day in and day out. I have to lump them all together. That's my job. It may sound cruel or crass, but I'm not about to listen to a "series of Steppers" through the day, week or month. The average attorney would go nuts.

However, I am not so blind to realize that there are various situations that will require a Stepper to do the legwork or the talking. In rare instances, like yours, it's a necessity. But, when both are in my office, then there's no need for the Stepper to talk or to "assert" some mysterious, non-existent, "rights". Marriage does not give Steppers a license.

From the attorney's point of view, I have but one client. When the Stepper starts to interrupt, or to assert something, or talk out of their "hats" about some law "they heard about" that doesn't exist, then I get a little rankled.

Background work is fine. Steppers can do some of the legwork. But, don't let the Stepper influence your final decision-making process. Like I said, you're the one who'll be living with that decision for perhaps years to come, and you don't want to "blame" that decision on someone else, do you ?

The average marriage to a Stepper lasts only 5 years. Decisions concerning custody, visitation, and support last far, far longer.

Good luck my friend.

IAAL

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

My dear shanney27 - - when I answered your other post, you gave no indications that you were a "Stepper". In fact, it wasn't a "Stepper question".

As long as you ask questions about your own, biological or adopted child, I will be happy to give you my legal opinion. I'll even answer any questions you might have when it comes to legal matters concerning your own marriage - - just don't ask about your stepchildren - - that's all.

And, it's not "discrimination" if it's not mentioned in Title VII, by the way. It's merely my choice, my view, and my opinion, about Steppers.

Steppers just get too emotional about things they cannot and should not control. And, it get's really bad when I have to tell them that there are no laws that give them any rights. They just don't want to hear that.

Thanks for writing. (Ooops, I'm responding to a Stepper ! )

IAAL

 

[shanney27]

My dearest I AM ALWAYS LIABLE:

You are right I am sure it is not discrimination in the legal sense of the term, more a prejudice as I stated before and of course never meant to infer anything legal at all. Merely my opinion of your opinion (my this has become convoluted). I am sure the people you represent can appreciate your logical and practical mind, but the issues you represent ARE emotional ones. Whether the law treats them such or not, you could be more amendable to people's feelings, but your not. Like you said you are not everyone's cup of tea. Their are those that choose to disassociate their feelings while handling matters such as these. More power to them and I am glad you can help them. I such as the stepper and female that I am cannot do that. I will be respectful of my husbands rights and I do not impose my wishes or will upon him. I try only to help him when he needs it and I can accomodate and we will find a lawyer that can empathize with us and work for us in the courtroom. Good luck to you in your practice and again this has been very enlightening and in fact will help us in interviewing attorneys.

 

[blueboy]

Shanney-
(this is Mrs.blueboy) Hang in there. You will run into Lawyers like IAAL. They have great legal advice, but choose not to look at the whole picture. If I had approached IAAL the way I did the other lawyer's I spoke to he would have kicked me out of his office.
Forgive me IAAL. Maybe I have you pegged wrong, if so I'll admit it.
My point is this, visitation with a dad effects the stepmom. She may not have any rights before the court order, or beyond it, but it still effects her. A good lawyer, ( in my opinion) will make sure his client is happy. My husband wanted to make sure I'd be happy with the outcome also, so to make my husband happy he also had to listen to me. He told me when I was wrong, and comended me when I was right. I of course would never interfer with my husbands relationship with his child, and if I had to take a stepback I would in a heart beat.
Fact is this if his daughter is here with us, she is part of my family. I love her. It doesn't matter to me weather or not legally I have any rights outside of my 4 walls. Her and I go shopping together, and I help her pick out makeup, clothes, and help her with her homework. Legally I have no rights, but morally I have a responsbility. I have taken on the obligation of helping raise a child. My opinons count to my husband, therefore should count to his attorney. I can't speak for my husband, and he can't speak for me. My husbands lawyer must be willing to listen to my input to see the whole picture. If he can't then he can't do all my husband wants.
Of course, IAAL will rip this up and spit it out. That's fine. Shanney I hope you see where I'm coming from. My husband likes IAAL's advice, because it's sound. I disagree with his other points of view, but legally his advice is right on.

 

[deefran]

I have only been posting here for a short time, but I have read many of IAAL's replies to people's questions. He gives excellent advice. Yes, custody disputes are emotional for ALL involved, but I believe a lawyer should remain emotionally unattached to their clients feelings. They are there to win a case, not make friends. IAAL was not saying that "steppers" shouldn't have feelings about issues regarding their spouses children, he correctly states that in the eyes of the law they have no LEGAL rights to them. So, instead of giving step-parents false hopes that they in any way have any "sway" in an upcoming custody/visitation etc. hearing he lets them know up-front that bio.mom/biodad will be the ONLY ones really listened to in court.
I too have a husband who is stepdad to my daughter, he loves her, helps provide for her, and treats her the same as our other 2 children. But I know that when I go to court for issues towards her bio-dad, my husband does not go with me. I, personally think it is important for a lawyer to focus on the legal issues, and not the "emotional" ones. Think about how crazy he'd be if he let himself get caught up in all that.

 

[blueboy]

Lawyers do not need to get emotionally involved, but they must remember that the people who are involved, are very emotional. They are the ones getting paid, and should be accomidating to thier clients, within reason of course.

( IAAL,
I respect your legal expertise, and your ability to let people know what the law is in every day terms, (most of the time). But remember there is a person on the other side of the computer screen, and your comments can cut deep.
They hurt, weather or not you intended them to. In my case I am a little more tolerant to those blows then others, but you got to me during this thread)
(Mrs. blueboy again)

 

[Ambr]

Hey IAAL

Just wanted to let you know - I moved into the position of a stepper as well with hubby's children. (did everyone catch that one - hubby's kids, not mine)

i love those little darlings to death and we are getting ready to go to court to enforce his visitation rights as well.

BUT - and this is the biggie - those are his children and anything that has to be discussed about them are decisions to be made between the father and the mother. worked out through their attorneys in their court hearing and between them. no where in that is there anything that involves me.

other than me sitting behind him in the court room offering him my love and support and he does his thing. i love them to death, help take care of them when they are there and would do anything for them - just as i would my own. but hey - they aren't mine.

i agree with IAAL - sometimes you have to step back and let the bios work things out on there own.

 

[HomeGuru]

LB, IAAL not sick. HG

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Blueboy, you said :

" . . . your comments can cut deep. They hurt, weather (sic) or not you intended them to."

That may be so. It's not personal. It's my way of practicing law, and my comments are based upon sound, legal, principles.

Sometimes, the reality of the law hurts. But, I don't deal in emotions. The only conversations that I could possibly have with a Stepper is one based on emotions, because there is nothing else for a Stepper to discuss.

I deal in law, and in this type of a situation, the law cuts with a very sharp knife. Of course it hurts; I have no doubt about that. But, if the law hurts, and my way of expressing my opinions of the law hurts, it's just my views and I'm only the "messenger" or the "piano player". I didn't write the laws or the "music"; the Legislature did.

It would be incredibly insensitive of me if I denied the fact that Steppers have feelings, and readily "fall in love" with their stepchildren. I understand that, and I empathize with those feelings. We are, as attorneys, dealing with humans. But, if the Legislature wanted to give Steppers some "rights", they could have easily done so. But, they didn't. Therefore, I'm only delivering the "music" of the Legislature. So please, don't be upset with me. There's nothing I can do about what the Legislature decides to enact into law. So, after my little talk with Steppers, at the very beginning of representation, doesn't "sink in" or I have to keep explaining or repeating myself, then that becomes a waste of time. Steppers only want to hear what they want to hear, and still expect "something to be done - - there must be a loophole." God, how many times have I heard that !

If I gave "Steppers" false hope, who would I be helping ? Wouldn't there be a disservice to my client, the bio-parent?

Therefore, until the laws change, I would rather not deal with Steppers - - because by and large, their interactions with me are merely emotional, and have no bearing on the real issues or current state of the laws. So, when it comes to matters of legal importance, I need them to "step" out of the way.

IAAL

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 07-29-2001 at 03:36 PM]

 

[EPS421]

If I lived in California and needed a lawyer, I would want IAAL to be my lawyer. The best kinds of lawyers are those who do not pander to the emotions of their clients (or their clients' second spouses!) and those people who are offended by that will probably NEVER be happy with really good lawyers representing them.

 

[Ambr]

okay - be honest IAAL - you wrote most of the responses just to get everyone to say how good you are and stroke that ego, didn't you?

just teasing.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Re: Pardon me

I'm new here and really appreciate the answers to my questions here. Do not want to get "into" the little bantering going on here. But what is the CS board?

My response:

Please start your own thread with your questions, and don't forget to tell us your State name. Also, please elaborate on your situation.

Thanks.

IAAL

 

[HomeGuru]

Hahaha.......personally I prefer bickering to bantering........then again what about bitching?
The administrator may need to create a separate board off of the Family Law forum
titled Bickering, Bantering, Bitching and BS.