interference in custody

[Zephyr]

Why?

Don't defend yourself - walk away. Be the bigger person for your daughter's sake. Just because your daughter was in the car doesn't mean she wasn't completely embarassed by her mother and step mom fighting in front of all these people she knows at HER extracurricular function.

and mom screaming like a lunatic that she told someone to go away and LOOK she's still here and so now everyone who can hear her is now a "witness"

do NOT engage the step in any way, do NOT allow her to engage you, you don't have a child with HER

 

[CJane]

I of course did yell back at her in defense of myself, we were nose to nose

There is no 'of course' at all. You SHOULD have walked away as soon as you told your daughter that you were proud of her/she played a good game/whatever. There's no reason at all for you to have a conversation with the sm or dad.

I'm one of the lucky ones that almost always gets along with my ex/his wife in public. However, I don't feel the need to seek him out or speak to him except as it directly relates to the kids/scheduling. If we're both at a school function, we may or may not sit together and we may or may not converse afterward. If I'm feeling in any way snarky or tired or just not up for any BS, I stay the hell away from him - and you should do the same.

 

[Zephyr]

If I'm feeling in any way snarky or tired or just not up for any BS, I stay the hell away from him - and you should do the same.


good advice....for all of us

 

[hayleys mom]

first of all I DID WALK AWAY and SHE FOLLOWED ME TO THE CAR! I then just said loud enough for a few people to hear because it was dark for her to back up off of me and I then said I've asked her to get away from me I walked away from her she followed me to my car and is blocking my door and you people are my witnesses, THEN SHE finally walked away threatening ME! And believe me I've been the bigger person for years, My daughter was on the other side of the school in the car with her dad, I guarantee you they planned the whole thing hoping I would hit her so they could say I started it. But a couple of people saw the whole thing and gave me their numbers in case I needed them if I decided to press charges. It's been bad in the past and I've had to be the bigger person it's terrible now because my daughter wants to leave and they are really angry because my daughter told on my ex and the sm for choking her and then trying to dismiss it like it wasn't sh@%!!!!!! My ex told my daughter he would give up his parental rights if she left, so he doesn't have to pay support to me and he only wants her to stay cause my child support pays his child support to another lady he has a son with, he told me so and in front of my daughter!! I'm not an idiot I don't lie about things and I am not going to mess up my chances of getting my daughter, my attorney said I did everything right AND I apologized to the school and said we were both wrong but I wasn't going to just stand outside my car while she blocked me from getting in I didn't have my cell and nobody called the police, my attorney said nothing can really be done at this point but we are keeping it documented.

 

[hayleys mom]

And the game had been over for like 20 or 25 minutes there were like 7 people there and like 2 students so it wasn't in front of all those people. I mean I come here for advice but you obviously didn't read my post because I said "I WALKED AWAY AND SHE FOLLOWED ME" yes I did yell bacK I said " I DON"T LIE GET AWAY FROM ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE" I'm not perfect but I did drive an hour to watch my daughters game and to talk to her like 5 minutes before her dad told her to come on its time to go so why was sm waiting for me 15 minutes later under the bleachers? TO start crap! THAT"S WHY? ! So I'm not the bad guy here ok!

 

[Zephyr]

And the game had been over for like 20 or 25 minutes there were like 7 people there and like 2 students so it wasn't in front of all those people. I mean I come here for advice but you obviously didn't read my post because I said "I WALKED AWAY AND SHE FOLLOWED ME" yes I did yell bacK I said " I DON"T LIE GET AWAY FROM ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE" I'm not perfect but I did drive an hour to watch my daughters game and to talk to her like 5 minutes before her dad told her to come on its time to go so why was sm waiting for me 15 minutes later under the bleachers? TO start crap! THAT"S WHY? ! So I'm not the bad guy here ok!

why were you even still there 15 minutes after you thought you daughter had left?

I just came from my daughters soccer game, my ex and his wife were there together then after the game sm was waiting for me and we got into a big argument about my daughter and sm said that I was a big liar and that i'm making up lies about things, I of course did yell back at her in defense of myself, we were nose to nose my daughter already went to the car with her sniveling father i'm sure sm sent him there since she wears the pants, I then walked away and she said Oh you just gonna walk away and I kept walking when I got to the car she was standing right behind me,


is blocking my door


how was she behind you and blocking the door at the same time?
you said you were in an arguement, and yelling, and nose to nose- then you said that you had only said one sentence and then turned around and walked away.



it boils down to you were just as wrong as her, DON NOT TALK TO THE STEP MOM AT ALL, you know she is a provoker, why would you even put yourself in that situation, DO NOT ANSWER HER INSULTS. walk away before saying ANYTHING.

 

[Zephyr]

especially in a custody battle you need to hold yourself above reproach, the judge could decide that you were the one provoking....even if that's not true. protect yourself and your chances, stay away from step.

 

[stealth2]

I mean I come here for advice but you obviously didn't read my post because I said "I WALKED AWAY AND SHE FOLLOWED ME" yes I did yell bacK I said " I DON"T LIE GET AWAY FROM ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE"

Yes, AFTER you got into a row with her:

I just came from my daughters soccer game, my ex and his wife were there together then after the game sm was waiting for me and we got into a big argument about my daughter and sm said that I was a big liar and that i'm making up lies about things, I of course did yell back at her in defense of myself, we were nose to nose my daughter already went to the car with her sniveling father i'm sure sm sent him there since she wears the pants, I then walked away and she said Oh you just gonna walk away and I kept walking when I got to the car she was standing right behind me, and I told her to back up off of me and I told her that she and my ex had better keep there hands off my daughter just because they are mad at me. she kept getting closer so I said very loudly to the people in the parking lot that I had asked her to back away from me but she was still standing there and they were my witnesses that she was provoking me. She finally left but she turnrd around and said "you really did it this time" and "you are gonna be sorry" will my ex be able to keep me from seeing my daughter because of this? She pursued me I tried to walk away and she followed then threatened me.

So you behaved just as badly BEFORE walking away. And you can bet that, even if your daughter was not within hearing distance, by the time homeroom was done this morning, she heard about it from a whole bunch of kids who heard about it from their parents or others. If for no reason beyond not embarrassing your kid, DO NOT ENGAGE AT ALL!

 

[CJane]

I come here for advice

And the advice is to stay the hell away from sm and your ex. It really is that simple. Do you honestly think a judge is going to care who started it? Seriously, when my 5 year old uses that excuse, she gets a lecture about being responsible for her reactions, that no one can force her to behave in a certain manner. And you're a GROWN UP!

 

[hayleys mom]

I understand what you are saying she stepped back in front of me as we got to the car, I was trying to leave. I was still there because my ex and I had talked earlier and he wanted to know if I was going to be at the game so we could discuss my daughters hair. If I hadn't said what I did at the car I either would have had to run back and forth from driver to passenger doors or tried to push her GENTLY away from my door which was locked and I guarantee if I would have made any attempt to touch her she would have said I touched her first, and it would not have been a total lie or total truth. I was actually talking to one of my daughters soccer mates after I realized my ex was leaving, and thats why I was still there. I am going to try and refrain from having any conversation with sm unless its when I call to talk to my daughter or she usually brings my daughter on my visitation and I take her back. She does not allow my ex and I to talk much either she stands there or listens on extension phone or she does the talking for him. I didn't feel in the wrong but maybe I was, I will have to watch myself I guess.

 

[Zephyr]

you could also suggest that all communications be handled in writing, that way everyone has a chance to think about what they say before they send it out..

just a thought, it works for a lot of people.

 

[hayleys mom]

I can try that. I will have to copy everything I write so it is dated and my words don't get changed around. I am so worried that they are going to try and not let me take her on visitation. I did call the school to see how my daughter is today and I explained (NOT IN DETAIL) what transpired and apologized for my part in it to her counslor, I also said it would not happen again. I guess now I just have to wait and see what my ex and sm are planning next. Thanx for all the advice I need it!

 

[CJane]

I can try that. I will have to copy everything I write so it is dated and my words don't get changed around. I am so worried that they are going to try and not let me take her on visitation. I did call the school to see how my daughter is today and I explained (NOT IN DETAIL) what transpired and apologized for my part in it to her counslor, I also said it would not happen again. I guess now I just have to wait and see what my ex and sm are planning next. Thanx for all the advice I need it!

Use email. Since my ex and I started this modification, almost all of our communication takes place via email.

They can't with hold visitation (without consequences) just because you and sm had an altercation. They'd have to actually believe that the child is in immediate danger in your custody.

 

[hayleys mom]

My ex doesn't have a computer, I've tried calling to speak with my daughter and my ex said her privileges have been taken away due to grades (I'm so sure) and I said it's not a privilege to talk to her parents and he said in my house it is! My attorney says we can't really do anything at this point about the phone calls and if he refuses visitation we will file contempt charges. My daughters best friend called and said Hayley says to tell me she loves me and to please get her out of there asap, shes still frightened about the choking incident. She also said Hayley is also doing her best to just get along and do her homework and chores and go to bed. I worry about her so much if you knew her you would see what a sweet kid she is, she doesn't deserve any of this really. I wish it didn't have to be like this, I love her so much.........
We need lots of prayers and support, Thanx