Interfering w/ Custody

[stealth2]

We had to get court orders just so the kids could go the dentist.

No, *we* didn't.

And whether she shows up to the appointments or not, the adult thing to do would be for Dad to let her know when they have an appointment. It really isn't that difficult thing to do. My ex can't make their appointments, but I still tell him when they are. Because he's their Dad, and it's the right thing to do.

 

[stepmom04]

Yes "we" did. My name has been involved since the very beginning. I've been included in every proceeding in court, by her request. Therefore, "we" do.

 

[StampGirl]

Yes "we" did. My name has been involved since the very beginning. I've been included in every proceeding in court, by her request. Therefore, "we" do.

Prove it. Show the paperwork that says you as a legal stranger are involved in custody suits and issues related to a child that isn't even yours. I want to see it.

Nice way to look at things: "We play nice and get screwed." *sigh*

Let it be said that if you don't cooperate with MOM then you will lose custody. Why did you leave out the info about the restraining order against the BF. Would have been nice to have in the beginning.

If you have it documented in writing that all the things Mom says her husband didn't do were actually done, then you have no issues or worries. Let her file her suit. BUT if you are guilty of the things she is accusing you of, your husband has something to worry about.

Quit trying to justify why your husband doesn't have to keep Mom informed. Its getting old.

 

[stepmom04]

forgetting about the doctor appointments *maybe she should be informed of all appointments, and the fact that she could be held accountable that one she took them too, and the fact its not court ordered to so and since he can't be held in contempt for that* My original question was not answered . Doesn't her creditabilty for the lawsuit, shoot down hill from the phone conversation?

 

[StampGirl]

forgetting about the doctor appointments *maybe she should be informed of all appointments, and the fact that she could be held accountable that one she took them too, and the fact its not court ordered to so and since he can't be held in contempt for that* My original question was not answered . Doesn't her creditabilty for the lawsuit, shoot down hill from the phone conversation?

I would say no becasue the conversation was recorded without her knowledge or consent. But check your state law regarding this. And WHY ON EARTH were YOU recording any conversation or even talking to her???? Sheesh.

Here is the answer you want:

Oh my gosh. What a terrible mom she is. Wow. That child is sooo lucky to have you take care of her. My goodness. Of course you don't have to include the mom on anything. You can do whatever you want. The mom doesn't even deserve to have this child. Of course you can record and use against Mom whatever you want.

*darn I have a toothache now from all that sugar coating*

 

[Ohiogal]

we play nice...and we get screwed.

Let me say this VERY CLEARLY. Custody is NOT about YOU. Custody is not about your husband. Custody is not about the mother. IT IS ABOUT THE CHILD. The child is the one that fricking matters. You don't play nice. Fine. You play nice better. Who gets hurt through all this? The child. Who most likely loves everyone. SO you can either contribute to HURTING the child or you can contribute to trying to make the child's life peaceful. Your choice. If you are smart you choose choice B. Which means being the adult regardless. Good grief.

 

[Ohiogal]

forgetting about the doctor appointments *maybe she should be informed of all appointments, and the fact that she could be held accountable that one she took them too, and the fact its not court ordered to so and since he can't be held in contempt for that* My original question was not answered . Doesn't her creditabilty for the lawsuit, shoot down hill from the phone conversation?

Maybe yes. But does it fricking matter if the child is the one caught in the middle of immature adults?

 

[stepmom04]

We do not know her current address anymore *she moves very ofen* and that's part of our countersuit. So if we start today informing her of the appointments, how do you suggest we do this? Are phone calls sufficient. I do record some phone calls with her, but usually she doesn't answer and either I try multiple times, or she finally calls me back it's usually on my cell phone, where I can't record the phone call. Should we send them to her lawyer? If he has his lawyer send them to her lawyer, that costs us money. How should we go about telling her about the appointments...starting today if she would like us to. He's not keeping anything from her and it would be fine if she was there, but it's just a big hassle to tell her.

It's a lot of words, but the basic of my question is...we can't send it by mail, she won't answer the phone when I try to record the conversation....so how do we prove that we tell her?

Side note, in case it bothers you that I am the one that she always contacts....she never calls my husbands cell phone, she always calls mine, which I've told her that she could talk to him about stuff, but she refuses, which gets old.

 

[StampGirl]

We do not know her current address anymore *she moves very ofen* and that's part of our countersuit. So if we start today informing her of the appointments, how do you suggest we do this? Are phone calls sufficient. I do record some phone calls with her, but usually she doesn't answer and either I try multiple times, or she finally calls me back it's usually on my cell phone, where I can't record the phone call. Should we send them to her lawyer? If he has his lawyer send them to her lawyer, that costs us money. How should we go about telling her about the appointments...starting today if she would like us to. He's not keeping anything from her and it would be fine if she was there, but it's just a big hassle to tell her.

It's a lot of words, but the basic of my question is...we can't send it by mail, she won't answer the phone when I try to record the conversation....so how do we prove that we tell her?

Side note, in case it bothers you that I am the one that she always contacts....she never calls my husbands cell phone, she always calls mine, which I've told her that she could talk to him about stuff, but she refuses, which gets old.

YOu are a mess. Sheesh.

You don't have to talk to her. YOU didn't create the child with her. DONT answer the phone and talk to her. OMG. Are you that clueless?????????????

Its very apparent taht DAD isn't involved. How the heck did he get custody???? Seems he has no balls to speak of.

Send the damn letter to the last known address certified mail etc. Do you really need someone to hold your hand???????? RATHER YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD DO ALL THIS CRAP. ITS HIS CHILD FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD.

 

[stepmom04]

Seriously you guys have no clue what we do for her for these kids. You just attack this because of doctor appointments. We bend over backwards, I call her and have to beg her to see the kids, because she won't show and they cry. I even go as far as inviting her to things we are doing with the kids *and her other child, that I buy stuff for, so she dont feel left out* My husband and I try very hard. We've asked her to go to family counseling so we resolve stuff and work things out for the sake of the children, so every 6 months they don't have to be involved and caught in the middle of all this crap. *which the judged told her she had too* SHE REFUSES! It's not my husband or I not being adults. Yes, we stopped informing her of appointments after the millionth time of her not showing up. She stopped coming to scheduled vistations..which is worse for the kids?

 

[stepmom04]

And yes...in our state you can record conversations. She's been recorded several times in the past and it's been in court. So she is well aware that most calls are recorded. It's her stupidity to say stuff when she knows we are probably recording.

 

[stepmom04]

How did he get custody? She dropped them off one and didn't come back for a month. She was so cracked out on drugs and had no place to live. He's involved with the kids. She doesn't like to be involved talking to him, because he's not as nice and doesn't sugar coat things for her. For the children's sake, I do talk to her, otherwise she'd never get them. Because she won't call him.

 

[StampGirl]

How did he get custody? She dropped them off one and didn't come back for a month. She was so cracked out on drugs and had no place to live. He's involved with the kids. She doesn't like to be involved talking to him, because he's not as nice and doesn't sugar coat things for her. For the children's sake, I do talk to her, otherwise she'd never get them. Because she won't call him.

Then that is HER Issue to not call dad to see her children. PERIOD. Its not YOUR job to facilitate that relationship.

If she doesn't want anything to do with her children, so be it. Let it lie. Love the kids, support them etc. There is nothing that says NCP HAVE to take their ordered visitation. The CP just has to make sure the kids are available for it. PERIOD. If she chooses to not go to appts, etc and pick up her kids, so be it.

Again its not YOUR job to force her to be a Mom. If she doesn't want to, let it go. PERIOD.

My ex doesnt show at counseling appts. Well let me correct that... he showed once for the oldest one and forgot about the appt for the middle one. Its his loss if he doesn't show. Just as its her loss she doesn't show.

The kids will survive. Don't tell them when Mom is supposed to show up. Let it go. If she shows up, GREAT. If she doesn't, the kids dont know the difference. If they ask, say she hasn't called (if she hasn't) and you guess she is busy etc. DONT tell them she doesn't want to see them. Good Grief.

Wanted to add: My husband's ex started to call me about picking up her son etc. I nicely told her that she needed to talk to him about that. She got snotty and said she couldn't get a hold of him. Fine. I simply said well let me call him for you and have him call you back. PERIOD. I called my husband, screamed at him for not answering her phone calls etc LOL He now answers when she calls. THAT is the extent I get involved. AND She now respects thats the approach I take. Its HER son, not mine even though he lives in my house etc 90% of hte month. I refuse to get in the middle of THEIR parenting. Just like I don't involved my husband in the middle of the parenting with my ex. Lord knows HE doesn't want to be in the middle of THAT mess LOL

 

[stepmom04]

I totally get what you are saying. I won't lie, My husband is a great parent and is totally involved with his kids, but he lacks (like most men) the ability to take care of things. We tried. I left her a message once that said from now on do not call my phone. It lasted about 3 weeks. Things were so screwed up...she wouldn't call him. He'd try and she wouldn't answer. We didn't know if we were coming or going. I hate when things are chaotic. She's very very unorganized and so is he.

I don't tell the kids when she's coming. She tells them this and then doesn't show. That's how they find out. My husband and the counselor asks her to not tell them she's coming and let them be surprised when she shows...but she doesn't. She claims that she has some kind of short term memory loss and can't remember things..like where her kids are. In my opinion if it so serious that she can't remember what days she is supposed to have visitation..then it is serious enough that she may forget that she put a child in the bathtub and forgot about them. *My step kids are old enough to practically take care of themselves..so I worry less about them, but she has a two year old*

What sucks...the counseling sessions worked real great when she used to go. Now she refuses to go now. She says she doesn't trust the counselor. *weird*

 

[The_Non-Mom]

Gimme a break!

Then that is HER Issue to not call dad to see her children. PERIOD. Its not YOUR job to facilitate that relationship.

So lemme get this straight. If stepparents don't help facilitate a relationship between the child and NCP, they get flogged. But if they DO help facilitate a relationship between the child and NCP, they get flogged. How about we come down off of our anti-stepparent soapbox long enough to actually give this woman some legal advice?