Is there a better approach in dealing with the ex?

[profmum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO
Xfiles and I share 50-50 of our 4.5 yr old DD and have been in court constanty since the divorce was final a year and a half ago. At this point, we have CO and an court ratified agreement that spells just about everything. Despite these documents, the x constantly misinterprets or deliberately tries to assert some unknown "order" or his interpretation of the order in any discussion about parenting time that comes up.

Most recently, about vacation parenting time that we litigated last year. My response has always been to wait 24 hours, then send a calm email outlining what exactly the CO or wording of the agreement said about the specific issue he is trying to be difficult about and attach a copy of all said documents every time. We may exchange 1-2 emails back and forth at which point I stop because at that point all he wants is to engage in a pissing contest. He then yells and screams (via email) about all my "alleged" atrocities and in the past it has lead to 7 motions, none of which have been granted to him (ie they have been resolved in mediation or litigated in court).

Now almost everything humanly possible has been ironed out but he finds something to yell and scream about. I am trying to find an approach that will avoid my horrendous legal fees, is there anything more I can do? We have been in court every month in 2008 and the legal biils are crazy. Any insights would be appreciated.

 

[Zephyr]

Ignore unless it's absolutely necessary to respond, never feed the psychos.

 

[penelope10]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO
Xfiles and I share 50-50 of our 4.5 yr old DD and have been in court constanty since the divorce was final a year and a half ago. At this point, we have CO and an court ratified agreement that spells just about everything. Despite these documents, the x constantly misinterprets or deliberately tries to assert some unknown "order" or his interpretation of the order in any discussion about parenting time that comes up.

Most recently, about vacation parenting time that we litigated last year. My response has always been to wait 24 hours, then send a calm email outlining what exactly the CO or wording of the agreement said about the specific issue he is trying to be difficult about and attach a copy of all said documents every time. We may exchange 1-2 emails back and forth at which point I stop because at that point all he wants is to engage in a pissing contest. He then yells and screams (via email) about all my "alleged" atrocities and in the past it has lead to 7 motions, none of which have been granted to him (ie they have been resolved in mediation or litigated in court).

Now almost everything humanly possible has been ironed out but he finds something to yell and scream about. I am trying to find an approach that will avoid my horrendous legal fees, is there anything more I can do? We have been in court every month in 2008 and the legal biils are crazy. Any insights would be appreciated.

There really isn't much that you can do if a person is determined to be difficult. (Besides asking the court to make him responsible for your attorney fees).

From a personal standpoint (and I've been divorced a while) I really don't refer to our court order much because that tends to really get OZ going. I make every attempt to be polite while firm. If things get out of hand, I generally now will say something along the lines of, "We don't seem to be communicating very effectively right now. Perhaps we should revisit this issue later." (I generally try to take out the word "I" out of the conversation as much as possible with him and replace it with the word "we.") This one little step, using the word "we" instead of "I," has really seemed to help cool down arguments before it becomes WWIII.

 

[lmgutierrez07]

i have to agree with these responses. i have learnd straight and to the point is the best way to say things. i dont respond to arguments via email or phone conversations. your x will eventually get the point. (mine still hasnt but it is getting better for me)

 

[LdiJ]

Another thing that you can do is to file your attorney and start representing yourself. You have been in the courtroom enough, and have seen enough court documents that you can probably handle it.

Once he sees that he is the only one spending money on an attorney, that might very well stop the nonsence as well.

 

[profmum]

Thanks folks... great responses, thankfully he is a good father so I will focus on that prize and let him waste his emotion on the psychosis he insists on having.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Did your attorney ever ask for his attorney fees to be paid for? If he had to pay both sides, it might slow him down some.

I had an X who used to file for everything. The best thing they ever did was raise the cost to file a motion. Easy to do when it was $20.00; raise it to $100.00, makes you think.