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Is this a joke?
- Thread starter Fatherof4
- Start date
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tigger22472
Senior Member
I'm curious...
1. what is the visitation agreement?
2. What is the distance between the parents?
3. Does mom utilize her visitation?
I'm going to tell you now there is SELDOM any room in a custody hearing to be optimistic. This is your "trial' period. If you show ANY signs of PAS you'll lose custody so fast it'll make your head spin. That means you dot all i's, cross all t's and you do NOTHING to make waves until it is permanent.
1. what is the visitation agreement?
2. What is the distance between the parents?
3. Does mom utilize her visitation?
I'm going to tell you now there is SELDOM any room in a custody hearing to be optimistic. This is your "trial' period. If you show ANY signs of PAS you'll lose custody so fast it'll make your head spin. That means you dot all i's, cross all t's and you do NOTHING to make waves until it is permanent.
I'm curious...
1. what is the visitation agreement?
Mother shall have visitation rights under the supervision and control of Father.
2. What is the distance between the parents?
She lives in AZ and we live in MS.
3. Does mom utilize her visitation?
No.
I'm going to tell you now there is SELDOM any room in a custody hearing to be optimistic. This is your "trial' period. If you show ANY signs of PAS you'll lose custody so fast it'll make your head spin. That means you dot all i's, cross all t's and you do NOTHING to make waves until it is permanent
I tell her when he is out of school for holidays. I tell her that she or her parents can come visit him anytime they want. Never do I tell her the visits will be supervised and I always let her know of events going on in the area that she could take him to. I give her and her parents his schedule so they can call anytime he is home. I go out of my way to make it easier for them but no one calls and no one visits.
I don't see how wanting my son to have my last name is PAS. It seems that she is doing a perfectly fine job of alienating herself all by her lonesome.
1. what is the visitation agreement?
Mother shall have visitation rights under the supervision and control of Father.
2. What is the distance between the parents?
She lives in AZ and we live in MS.
3. Does mom utilize her visitation?
No.
I'm going to tell you now there is SELDOM any room in a custody hearing to be optimistic. This is your "trial' period. If you show ANY signs of PAS you'll lose custody so fast it'll make your head spin. That means you dot all i's, cross all t's and you do NOTHING to make waves until it is permanent
I tell her when he is out of school for holidays. I tell her that she or her parents can come visit him anytime they want. Never do I tell her the visits will be supervised and I always let her know of events going on in the area that she could take him to. I give her and her parents his schedule so they can call anytime he is home. I go out of my way to make it easier for them but no one calls and no one visits.
I don't see how wanting my son to have my last name is PAS. It seems that she is doing a perfectly fine job of alienating herself all by her lonesome.
C
CaliCat
Guest
Err on the side of caution and use both names until custody is set, and then get it changed. She's the biomom. She can go to court and say you alienated her by using only your last name even though she never used her visitation and the court will hate YOU for it, not her for not using her rights.
tigger22472
Senior Member
What were the circumstances in which she was ordered supervised visitation?
How long have you had this temporary order?
Does mom work? That is a LONG distance for her to travel to have 'supervised' visitation IMO.
Another question.. yes I know I'm full of them... is do you have Mom's name listed at school at all?
Truthfully, not that I'm completely sticking up for mom but since she doesn't have a lawyer maybe she doesn't know her rights to say the school records and such.
PAS can be ANYTHING that constitutes any sign of alienating the mother. Taking the mothers name away from the child when it is his legal name could be. Also not having her listed as the mother on school records could constitute that. There are MANY MANY things that COULD mean that.
You mention that she doesn't come to court. Is court in MS? Did she USED to live in MS? I know I PERSONALLY couldn't afford to drive that distance or go that far very often.
As far as calls I'm going to let that go for now until I get more info.
How long have you had this temporary order?
Does mom work? That is a LONG distance for her to travel to have 'supervised' visitation IMO.
Another question.. yes I know I'm full of them... is do you have Mom's name listed at school at all?
Truthfully, not that I'm completely sticking up for mom but since she doesn't have a lawyer maybe she doesn't know her rights to say the school records and such.
PAS can be ANYTHING that constitutes any sign of alienating the mother. Taking the mothers name away from the child when it is his legal name could be. Also not having her listed as the mother on school records could constitute that. There are MANY MANY things that COULD mean that.
You mention that she doesn't come to court. Is court in MS? Did she USED to live in MS? I know I PERSONALLY couldn't afford to drive that distance or go that far very often.
As far as calls I'm going to let that go for now until I get more info.
What were the circumstances in which she was ordered supervised visitation?
***Complaint says "Abandonment for over one (1) year." Jurisdiction changed. It's probably so she couldn't take him out of the current jurisdiction.***
How long have you had this temporary order?
***Oct 2003***
Does mom work? That is a LONG distance for her to travel to have 'supervised' visitation IMO.
***Yes. Military. 30 days paid vacation a year. Her parents, who she visits often, live in GA only a few hours drive from here.***
Another question.. yes I know I'm full of them... is do you have Mom's name listed at school at all?
***Not sure. Probably not. They know who she is. They have her name, picture, court orders and they know she is not to pick him up from school.***
Truthfully, not that I'm completely sticking up for mom but since she doesn't have a lawyer maybe she doesn't know her rights to say the school records and such.
***That's her own fault. I e-mail her ALL progress reports and notes from his teacher.***
PAS can be ANYTHING that constitutes any sign of alienating the mother. Taking the mothers name away from the child when it is his legal name could be. Also not having her listed as the mother on school records could constitute that. There are MANY MANY things that COULD mean that.
You mention that she doesn't come to court. Is court in MS? Did she USED to live in MS? I know I PERSONALLY couldn't afford to drive that distance or go that far very often.
***Court is in MS. She never lived here. She is not poor and she can afford an attorney who would represent her in court so she doesn't have to come here.***
As far as calls I'm going to let that go for now until I get more info.
***Complaint says "Abandonment for over one (1) year." Jurisdiction changed. It's probably so she couldn't take him out of the current jurisdiction.***
How long have you had this temporary order?
***Oct 2003***
Does mom work? That is a LONG distance for her to travel to have 'supervised' visitation IMO.
***Yes. Military. 30 days paid vacation a year. Her parents, who she visits often, live in GA only a few hours drive from here.***
Another question.. yes I know I'm full of them... is do you have Mom's name listed at school at all?
***Not sure. Probably not. They know who she is. They have her name, picture, court orders and they know she is not to pick him up from school.***
Truthfully, not that I'm completely sticking up for mom but since she doesn't have a lawyer maybe she doesn't know her rights to say the school records and such.
***That's her own fault. I e-mail her ALL progress reports and notes from his teacher.***
PAS can be ANYTHING that constitutes any sign of alienating the mother. Taking the mothers name away from the child when it is his legal name could be. Also not having her listed as the mother on school records could constitute that. There are MANY MANY things that COULD mean that.
You mention that she doesn't come to court. Is court in MS? Did she USED to live in MS? I know I PERSONALLY couldn't afford to drive that distance or go that far very often.
***Court is in MS. She never lived here. She is not poor and she can afford an attorney who would represent her in court so she doesn't have to come here.***
As far as calls I'm going to let that go for now until I get more info.
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are you keeping records of your efforts to make or encourage contact between the bio mom and child? do you ever take the measure of calling her residence and putting him on the phone to show you have tried to keep them in contact? do you allow him to write letters to his bio mom? if so, send them certified so she has to sign for them and you can prove she got them.
i know it seems like your the one who has to jump through all the hoops when your'e the one who has been towing the line and doing the right thing all along, but believe what the other poster said when the "dot all you i's and cross all your t's" comment was made. it's the truth.
i had to call my ex and put my daughter on the phone because he wouldn't call. i also timed the phone calls and kept doumentation of that and how often we called. i had to send letters certified; otherwise i knew he'd say he never got them. if or when he did show up, which was quite rare (about once every 3 months), i would document how long the visit lasted, etc. i realize it seems nit-picky, but in the end, keeping track of all these things on paper will benefit you in the long run. you can get up in court and say that bio mom didn't do this or that, but if you have taken the time to document it all and have paperwork to back up what you say, she'll be standing there empty handed looking like a fool.
that's just my two cents on the subject. good luck with your case.
i know it seems like your the one who has to jump through all the hoops when your'e the one who has been towing the line and doing the right thing all along, but believe what the other poster said when the "dot all you i's and cross all your t's" comment was made. it's the truth.
i had to call my ex and put my daughter on the phone because he wouldn't call. i also timed the phone calls and kept doumentation of that and how often we called. i had to send letters certified; otherwise i knew he'd say he never got them. if or when he did show up, which was quite rare (about once every 3 months), i would document how long the visit lasted, etc. i realize it seems nit-picky, but in the end, keeping track of all these things on paper will benefit you in the long run. you can get up in court and say that bio mom didn't do this or that, but if you have taken the time to document it all and have paperwork to back up what you say, she'll be standing there empty handed looking like a fool.
that's just my two cents on the subject. good luck with your case.
Yes, every so often I call and let her talk to him. If she doesn't feel it's important enough to call for herself I feel I am almost beyond trying to make this work for her. My son hasn't known her since he was 18 months old and he is almost 4 1/2 now. He can't write or even understand that there is a person living in AZ that is supposed to be his mother.
I have a journal documenting everything that has happened since March 25, 2002. That was my first visitation after he came back from living with his maternal grandparents for 8 months.
I have a journal documenting everything that has happened since March 25, 2002. That was my first visitation after he came back from living with his maternal grandparents for 8 months.
tigger22472
Senior Member
Fatherof4 said:Tigger, were you going somewhere with all the questions?
Yes I was but I haven't answered you for a reason. That reason is because I am or was trying to avoid being rude to you.
You have been told that YES it is possible for mom to cause you problems for you not using the child's LEGAL name. You've all but admitted that although the school knows about mom she's not listed as the parent at the school.
Do I agree with how YOU say mom is acting? NO. But I'm also a firm believer there is "his side, her side, and somewhere in the middle is the REAL story". Regardless of how she is acting or not acting there are still LEGAL ramifications for things that aren't done right.
For every comment made to you that you don't like you come back with some else more damaging about mom. So, in the end all I call tell you is that or original question was answered... NO this is NOT a joke.
I don't mind rudeness, you have been very informative. I am trying to gather all the information I can get before the hearing. Anything she can use against me I want to know about so I can try to rectify.
I didn't put her name on the school records because I thought it would make it easier to for her to take him from school. I was so scared she would take him I gave the school her picture with "DO NOT GIVE MY CHILD TO THIS PERSON" on it. All relevent personnel had my work and cell phone numbers so if she showed up they could call me and I could be there in 7 minutes. For a couple of months I made him wear a child leash hooked to my belt whenever we went out so if she suddenly appeared and tried to snatch him it would make it harder for her to take him. I know now that my fears were unwarranted because she doesn't care that much. If you think it will help my case to put her name his on school records then I will do it first thing in the morning. Her name is already on his health records.
Every question I ask on here goes to helping my case and keeping my son. Every answer, rude or not, has the same effect.
I didn't put her name on the school records because I thought it would make it easier to for her to take him from school. I was so scared she would take him I gave the school her picture with "DO NOT GIVE MY CHILD TO THIS PERSON" on it. All relevent personnel had my work and cell phone numbers so if she showed up they could call me and I could be there in 7 minutes. For a couple of months I made him wear a child leash hooked to my belt whenever we went out so if she suddenly appeared and tried to snatch him it would make it harder for her to take him. I know now that my fears were unwarranted because she doesn't care that much. If you think it will help my case to put her name his on school records then I will do it first thing in the morning. Her name is already on his health records.
Every question I ask on here goes to helping my case and keeping my son. Every answer, rude or not, has the same effect.
Her Side
This is her side written to my wife in an e-mail.
How are the kids?? I don't call very much because I don't want to screw with ****'s head. I try not to get pushy if he is with you. He has been through enough and I don't want to bounce him around emotionally. I guess I don't really make sense. I just want him to be happy where he is at and I don't want to confuse him. When he stopped talking to me as mommy I stopped calling. I am not going to force him to call me something that he calls someone else. I have a problem talking to him and have him not know who I am. I wanted to spend more time with him while I was there, but he didn't want to talk to me. **** tried to get him to talk to me and he burried his head into ****. It may seem like I don't want to be in contact, but it is the exact opposite. So, I guess I should let you go. **** is just going to get mad and call me a liar like he usually does. But I am talking to you, not him. I am not trying to win your sympathy or put you between me and ****. If you think that I am I apologize and you can tell me not to write so much. I'm sorry, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to. My husband doesn't know my kid very well and you do and you are a mother and know **** better than me. But like I said, I am not trying to start anything. I guess I just needed to get some stuff off of my chest.
Thank you , ****
This is her side written to my wife in an e-mail.
How are the kids?? I don't call very much because I don't want to screw with ****'s head. I try not to get pushy if he is with you. He has been through enough and I don't want to bounce him around emotionally. I guess I don't really make sense. I just want him to be happy where he is at and I don't want to confuse him. When he stopped talking to me as mommy I stopped calling. I am not going to force him to call me something that he calls someone else. I have a problem talking to him and have him not know who I am. I wanted to spend more time with him while I was there, but he didn't want to talk to me. **** tried to get him to talk to me and he burried his head into ****. It may seem like I don't want to be in contact, but it is the exact opposite. So, I guess I should let you go. **** is just going to get mad and call me a liar like he usually does. But I am talking to you, not him. I am not trying to win your sympathy or put you between me and ****. If you think that I am I apologize and you can tell me not to write so much. I'm sorry, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to. My husband doesn't know my kid very well and you do and you are a mother and know **** better than me. But like I said, I am not trying to start anything. I guess I just needed to get some stuff off of my chest.
Thank you , ****