Is this harassment? Runaway situation

[Doughmama]

I'm in Tennessee.
What are my rights in regards to feeling like a prisoner in my own home? My daughter's boyfriend ran away (age 17) 5 months ago. Since his leaving we have had people crawl all over our property, open our gate, rummage through our pool house and barn, etc. In the beginning we shrugged it off because we knew his just needed to know he wasn't staying with us. Then, my daughter noticed people watching and following her from work... So I went to the sheriffs office. We have put a lock on our gate and trespassing signs, a camera by suggestion of the officer. This was all to keep my kids from feeling vulnerable. My youngest is scare to death someone will kidnap him.

Moving forward... Months later I am visited by officers requesting letters the boyfriend sent months ago (that I tried to give a detective when she receive them). Then black unmarked vehicles pull up and sit at my gate a while then slowly leave. I know his family has hired a PI to find him... At what point is enough enough? They were the bad parents who knew he was going to run away he begged them to emancipate him... So this was no surprise when they slapped him in boarding school and he disappeared on break. Mos people who know his situation were happy he got away and no one that I know of knows his whereabouts. So...

Why is it okay to continue to show up/follow/lurk around my family just because we are his girlfriend's family? At what point should we seek council? What rights do we have? This isn't our situation?

While this story is much longer than this and there is personal vendetta from his family against my family... The basics are I need to know what my rights are pertaining to feeling harassed.

Thanks in advance!

 

[cbg]

Just as an FYI, parents cannot emancipate a minor - only a court can do that.

 

[Doughmama]

Just as an FYI, parents cannot emancipate a minor - only a court can do that.

Yes, I am aware. I'm sorry it sounded that way. He needed them to agree to it. They wouldn't. He had a job and a place to stay. They disputed the emancipation nor would they sign over guardianship to another family.

 

[eerelations]

If he is still your daughter's boyfriend, then he and your daughter are still in contact - because if contact ceased when he ran away, then he isn't your daughter's boyfriend any more. However, since you keep referring to him as your daughter's boyfriend (and to your family as "his girlfriend's family"), then they must still be in contact. Ergo, there is a very good chance your daughter knows where he is - and that all these people (cops, PIs, BF's parents and relatives, etc.) know that she knows where he is.

If your daughter cares at all about your/her family, she should give up her boyfriend's whereabouts. When that's done, all of this "harassment" will probably end.

Edit to ask: are you the one who sought guardianship of this boy? Because if you are, then his family's suspicion that you're hiding him seems pretty reasonable.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, I am aware. I'm sorry it sounded that way. He needed them to agree to it. They wouldn't. He had a job and a place to stay. They disputed the emancipation nor would they sign over guardianship to another family.

Why should they? Apparently the police and others think your daughter (His apparent CURRENT girlfriend) knows where he is. Maybe she should quit participating in hiding him. Yeah, I noted you didn't say EX GIRLFRIEND. Expect this to continue until the parents (not BAD parents but the PARENTS) give up. You are no saint and you have NO RIGHT to talk about this family in that way.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm in Tennessee.
What are my rights in regards to feeling like a prisoner in my own home? My daughter's boyfriend ran away (age 17) 5 months ago. Since his leaving we have had people crawl all over our property, open our gate, rummage through our pool house and barn, etc. In the beginning we shrugged it off because we knew his just needed to know he wasn't staying with us. Then, my daughter noticed people watching and following her from work... So I went to the sheriffs office. We have put a lock on our gate and trespassing signs, a camera by suggestion of the officer. This was all to keep my kids from feeling vulnerable. My youngest is scare to death someone will kidnap him.

Moving forward... Months later I am visited by officers requesting letters the boyfriend sent months ago (that I tried to give a detective when she receive them). Then black unmarked vehicles pull up and sit at my gate a while then slowly leave. I know his family has hired a PI to find him... At what point is enough enough? They were the bad parents who knew he was going to run away he begged them to emancipate him... So this was no surprise when they slapped him in boarding school and he disappeared on break. Mos people who know his situation were happy he got away and no one that I know of knows his whereabouts. So...

Why is it okay to continue to show up/follow/lurk around my family just because we are his girlfriend's family? At what point should we seek council? What rights do we have? This isn't our situation?

While this story is much longer than this and there is personal vendetta from his family against my family... The basics are I need to know what my rights are pertaining to feeling harassed.

Thanks in advance!

Quoting to save. I am not feeling sympathy for this OP. "daughter's boyfriend" but the boy ran away five months ago. At some point, it most likely will come out that the daughter KNOWS where he is. "Bad parents"? Lady you are out of line. Happy he got away? Your daughter and you may end up charged as you know more than you are saying.

 

[eerelations]

Quoting to save. I am not feeling sympathy for this OP. "daughter's boyfriend" but the boy ran away five months ago. At some point, it most likely will come out that the daughter KNOWS where he is. "Bad parents"? Lady you are out of line. Happy he got away? Your daughter and you may end up charged as you know more than you are saying.

Neither am I (as you'll see from my post...I may not have expressed it quite as forcefully as you but that's where I was going with it).

 

[cbg]

His parents had no obligation to agree to an emancipation or to sign over guardianship to someone else (you, perhaps?). It is their RIGHT as parents to parent their child as long as he is a minor. They are not the ones who are out of line in this situation.

 

[Doughmama]

Whoa... Wow... Okay I didn't write the years of trauma and drama experienced with this family. We know them very well and know what has gone on in the home for years. The mother did not want him. Told him she hated him and for the lack of better wording... He was the "Cinderella" of the family. His mom has NPD and the father carried out her every wish. He has been compliant his entire life and is truly a really good kid... His home life was really bad.

I DID NOT petition for guardianship. Another family did because they saw his situation and wanted to help.

I said girlfriend because she was when he left. She doesn't know where he is... She's crushed because she knew he would protect her from his parents. They have been exceedingly ugly to her for years. He would never put her in harm's way and explained that in a letter he sent after he left. We gave the 2 letters he wrote to the sheriff's office in an effort to help. While most people agree he is better away from his family we still wanted them to have peace of mind that he had contacted her via mail. We also endured the initial prowlers and spoke with the law..my daughter and I both have made trips the sheriff on our own accord to help show transparency bc we didn't know where he was.

In a normal situation I can see how this post would seem out of line. I'm asking you to think for one minute that there are emotional abusers and manipulators masked as parents. I in no way wanted to convey that I think any kid should run away with normal circumstances.

Please... Try to understand.

Edited to include: I wasn't asking for advice about his parents rights. My family is being tortured because of the situation. What are my rights as a person trying to protect my family. The constant presence is a problem and is unwarranted. We have been cooperating. We haven't been forced to help... When does my family have rights?

 

[eerelations]

So please explain why this family is looking so hard for this boy when they never wanted him. In addition, please explain why the police are taking them so seriously (especially since he must be what? 18 by now? almost 18? an age so close to 18 the cops don't usually bother with searching for/returning runaways?) when it appears to be so obvious to you and everyone else in town that they're either crazy or rotten (or both).

 

[Doughmama]

So please explain why this family is looking so hard for this boy when they never wanted him. In addition, please explain why the police are taking them so seriously (especially since he must be what? 18 by now? almost 18? an age so close to 18 the cops don't usually bother with searching for/returning runaways?) when it appears to be so obvious to you and everyone else in town that they're either crazy or rotten (or both).

He turns 18 later this year. They lost control of him is why they want him back, that's all I can figure to be honest. The police aren't searching... I've had 2 officers specifically say they weren't 1-his age 2- he will return when he wants (officers words) hes a smart kid.
The harassment seems to be the PI.

I know I cannot accurately describe these people for you all to understand but it's really a situation from a movie... Unbelievable.

Edit: They are a prominent family that dwells in high places... If they didn't look the community would question them as parents.

 

[Ohiogal]

He turns 18 later this year. They lost control of him is why they want him back, that's all I can figure to be honest. The police aren't searching... I've had 2 officers specifically say they weren't 1-his age 2- he will return when he wants (officers words) hes a smart kid.
The harassment seems to be the PI.

I know I cannot accurately describe these people for you all to understand but it's really a situation from a movie... Unbelievable.

Edit: They are a prominent family that dwells in high places... If they didn't look the community would question them as parents.

You are pathetic in criticizing these people. Their son is missing. YOU, I bet, have information regarding where he is but you are enjoying sitting in your ivory tower and criticizing them. Maybe if your daughter was missing, you would not be so sanctimonious. Maybe she should join her boyfriend wherever he is.

 

[Ohiogal]

Whoa... Wow... Okay I didn't write the years of trauma and drama experienced with this family. We know them very well and know what has gone on in the home for years. The mother did not want him. Told him she hated him and for the lack of better wording... He was the "Cinderella" of the family. His mom has NPD and the father carried out her every wish. He has been compliant his entire life and is truly a really good kid... His home life was really bad.

I DID NOT petition for guardianship. Another family did because they saw his situation and wanted to help.

I said girlfriend because she was when he left. She doesn't know where he is... She's crushed because she knew he would protect her from his parents. They have been exceedingly ugly to her for years. He would never put her in harm's way and explained that in a letter he sent after he left. We gave the 2 letters he wrote to the sheriff's office in an effort to help. While most people agree he is better away from his family we still wanted them to have peace of mind that he had contacted her via mail. We also endured the initial prowlers and spoke with the law..my daughter and I both have made trips the sheriff on our own accord to help show transparency bc we didn't know where he was.

In a normal situation I can see how this post would seem out of line. I'm asking you to think for one minute that there are emotional abusers and manipulators masked as parents. I in no way wanted to convey that I think any kid should run away with normal circumstances.

Please... Try to understand.

Edited to include: I wasn't asking for advice about his parents rights. My family is being tortured because of the situation. What are my rights as a person trying to protect my family. The constant presence is a problem and is unwarranted. We have been cooperating. We haven't been forced to help... When does my family have rights?

Sorry but I don't buy what you are trying to sell. Your family has legal issues. Your family is not being threatened. It is being monitored from PUBLIC. Deal with it.

 

[Doughmama]

Clearly I was wrong to think anyone could/would understand the unique situation from a forum post. I appreciate the responses. I in no way am looking down from an ivory tower or trying sell a story. I understand that technically there isn't a problem. I haven't done anything... I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to make my family feel okay again. We didn't do anything and it seems unfair that we should have to endure the whims of the parents. It was a logical question... One I'm sure you would ask if in the same situation. My home, our safe place doesn't feel safe to my kids anymore... That was the cause for the post. That.is.all. I wasn't debating anything else or asking to be ridiculed. You don't know the entirety of the situation therefore you cannot make a judgement call... This forum is for advice, everyone has had an opinion on the boys parents, myself, and their rights when I was clearly asking when and if it's even feasible to seek action to protect my family.

Some of you need to step back and look at how you respond to people. Without total knowledge of a situation, don't be hurtful. That's what's wrong with this world today, everyone speaks without thinking. And many people don't even know what empathy is anymore.

PS the boy has written his family and the sheriff letters as well.

There are plenty of people who could be suspects in knowing information. But I realize now this forum isn't about giving advice as much as giving an opinion. Thanks anyway.

 

[Ohiogal]

Clearly I was wrong to think anyone could/would understand the unique situation from a forum post. I appreciate the responses. I in no way am looking down from an ivory tower or trying sell a story. I understand that technically there isn't a problem. I haven't done anything... I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to make my family feel okay again. We didn't do anything and it seems unfair that we should have to endure the whims of the parents. It was a logical question... One I'm sure you would ask if in the same situation. My home, our safe place doesn't feel safe to my kids anymore... That was the cause for the post. That.is.all. I wasn't debating anything else or asking to be ridiculed. You don't know the entirety of the situation therefore you cannot make a judgement call... This forum is for advice, everyone has had an opinion on the boys parents, myself, and their rights when I was clearly asking when and if it's even feasible to seek action to protect my family.

Some of you need to step back and look at how you respond to people. Without total knowledge of a situation, don't be hurtful. That's what's wrong with this world today, everyone speaks without thinking. And many people don't even know what empathy is anymore.

PS the boy has written his family and the sheriff letters as well.

There are plenty of people who could be suspects in knowing information. But I realize now this forum isn't about giving advice as much as giving an opinion. Thanks anyway.

You don't have total knowledge either. YOU have YOUR opinion of what went in your daughter's boyfriend's house. So consider that. I am telling you right now that you are asking for trouble because your daughter or you know more than you are sharing with the family about where your daughter's boyfriend is located. My instincts are right more than they are wrong.

And how do you know the boy has written his family and the sheriff letters? Because quite frankly that would NOT have been shared with you unless... Yeah I am my reasons... You and your daughter are in this way too deep and it may end up with you or her or both being charged with felonies.