Issues with work and visitation...

[Silverplum]

What a GODDESS you are, Nextwife!!

It always amazes me. The NCP is expected to pay CS - this REQUIRES working. If the NCP QUIT this job so that he would be better able to meet the visitation time, he would be forced to pay CS on the current income if he couldn't get a different job that always allowed him to be available more. My husband sometimes has to travel at the spur of the moment. Because if lousy airline schedules, delays at layovers, and frequent cancelations of the last flight in, there are days I must be the one to meet the bus. His travel needs are PART of his job requirements. If I insisted he not travel and be a totally predictable 9 to fiver, he would not be able to perform the job he performs, and he could not earn the money he earns. The unpredictability of his schedule is part of his employment- I can't expect him to maintain his job AND also have a predictable schedule.

Ya know, Dad had his kids removed from his daily life. If they lived with him, he could see them on a more regular basis - like mom gets to. Sorry, part of GETTING to be the parent who has a kid living with you, is getting to be the one that must be there if sitters and other plans fall thgrough. If I as a parent want the benefit of getting to have my kid live with me, I should also be willing to accept the disadvantages it brings.

Unless ex is willing to give up the benefit that his having that job brings economically, she shouldn't be kvetching about the inconvenience his having that job causes her.

 

[haiku]

It always amazes me. The NCP is expected to pay CS - this REQUIRES working. If the NCP QUIT this job so that he would be better able to meet the visitation time, he would be forced to pay CS on the current income if he couldn't get a different job that always allowed him to be available more. My husband sometimes has to travel at the spur of the moment. Because if lousy airline schedules, delays at layovers, and frequent cancelations of the last flight in, there are days I must be the one to meet the bus. His travel needs are PART of his job requirements. If I insisted he not travel and be a totally predictable 9 to fiver, he would not be able to perform the job he performs, and he could not earn the money he earns. The unpredictability of his schedule is part of his employment- I can't expect him to maintain his job AND also have a predictable schedule.

Ya know, Dad had his kids removed from his daily life. If they lived with him, he could see them on a more regular basis - like mom gets to. Sorry, part of GETTING to be the parent who has a kid living with you, is getting to be the one that must be there if sitters and other plans fall thgrough. If I as a parent want the benefit of getting to have my kid live with me, I should also be willing to accept the disadvantages it brings.

Unless ex is willing to give up the benefit that his having that job brings economically, she shouldn't be kvetching about the inconvenience his having that job causes her.

As my husband always says to his ex when she complains he never has the kids enough......"you LIKE the check you get every month?"

 

[kayceebee]

And so, as a CP, I should get fired from my job because my ex decides on a whim that it isn't convenient to pick up the kids at the designated pick up time? Fine, then the NCP can pay even more CS.

 

[LdiJ]

And so, as a CP, I should get fired from my job because my ex decides on a whim that it isn't convenient to pick up the kids at the designated pick up time? Fine, then the NCP can pay even more CS.

Which is exactly why many of us see both sides of this issue....and why several of us suggested that the OP find help.

Despite the fact that visitation is something that an ncp can choose or not choose to exercise. I am familiar with cases where the ncp was held in contempt for not picking up/dropping off at the scheduled time...or even for not exercising visitation.

In each of those cases the cp's livelihood was harmed by the fact that the ncp didn't adhere to the schedule. In each of those cases the ncp was ordered to pick up/drop off on time...and to exercise visitation...or to arrange for and pay for child care. I think that is completely fair and appropriate.

In fact...I think that that an ncp should be 100% responsible for whatever time they have been given in a court order. I don't think that parenting time should be "optional" for the ncp. Of course the ncp should offer the cp (and vice versa) right of first refusal...but other than that, the I think that the ncp should always be responsible for both arranging and paying for care for their children if they can't be present.

If the CP has to work late one night, or on a Saturday, or has some sort of emergency...and needs care for the child, the CP cannot FORCE the ncp to drop everything to provide that care. The NCP shouldn't be able to either.

 

[dannysmyboy]

If the CP has to work late one night, or on a Saturday, or has some sort of emergency...and needs care for the child, the CP cannot FORCE the ncp to drop everything to provide that care. The NCP shouldn't be able to either.

But that's why the CP is the CP, they take on that burden and responsibility. The CP cannot force the NCP to drop everthing, is correct, but how many CPs will even ask the NCP if they are available to help. Maybe the NCP can pick up the child that day, or keep them that night, but the CP is so vindictive that they don't even consider this option. My husband's X works nights 2 days a month, and my husband works days. Instead of asking my husband to watch the kids for her on that evening, she'd rather pay a sitter to watch them. She gets off work at 2am and goes to pick up the kids at the sitters, drags them home, puts them back to bed. They get themselves up for school at 6am, and leave the home without breakfast at 6:30am. Now, wouldn't it be more viable for the father to keep them and drop them off at school on his way to work for her....Hummm....Can't do that??? the NCP would be spending too much time with the kids and the CS could be reduced ...Hummm...

 

[Smochia]

Sorry

You may want to spend a little bit (and I know it is hard for you) you can get the order changed in your benifit. There is not much she can do about what you are doing as so long as you continue to give her your scheduale in advance. To protect yourself you can always mail your scheduale to her via return recipt mail. That way should it go to court, you have covered yours.

 

[Smochia]

also

I know I already tried to help but another idea (which helped us alot) is to record on your calander everything. Conversations, when you gave her your scheduale, the dates that scheduale covers, times and dates you get to see your boys. Unfortunately, seperated parents have to do.