Joint custody of an infant or toddler

[LdiJ]

So you figure about age 18 or so.

No, actually I was thinking someone between the age of 2 and 3, depending on how developed the child's communication skills are.

 

[waitinMd]

I disagree. I think it is easier on the child if they start out small with both parents. AS long as it is a structured schedule, they adjust fairly well.

And it depends on how the parents handle the situation. My ex did everything she could to make exchange horrible, and so did her family. Holding toys and animals from her, telling her she had to go with me, so she couldn't have the doll or cat. I was so lucky my daughter looked at them like they were crazy, or RAN to my car to get away from them. They stopped doing it because it made them look stupid.

It would be great to have a real counselor make a custom schedule for each child..... or if all parents could be mature and get along and really have just the child's best interest in mind...then of course, we wouldn't be here would we

 

[truebluemd]

it will also depend on the status quo, what county you are in, and how well you and the other parent communicate. Some maryland courts still operate from the old laws of giving physical custody to the mom just due to maternal preference, but it is not unusual for dad to get physical custody of an infant undercertain circumstances. If you are not married, and baby has been with mom since birth, then I think you will have little chance at getting 50/50 right now unless you both agree on it.

 

[waitinMd]

it will also depend on the status quo, what county you are in, and how well you and the other parent communicate. Some maryland courts still operate from the old laws of giving physical custody to the mom just due to maternal preference, but it is not unusual for dad to get physical custody of an infant undercertain circumstances. If you are not married, and baby has been with mom since birth, then I think you will have little chance at getting 50/50 right now unless you both agree on it.

county in Md makes a HUGE difference!

 

[Zigner]

Oh arg...

I agree

My dad has alzheimers, my mom just this past week put him into a nursing home because the hospital insisted that she could not care for him at home (at least temporarily) we all KNOW that its traumatic as heck for dad and he has sharply deteriorated...PARTICULARLY since no one can truly communicate with him and he can't understand what is happening to him.

Its NO DIFFERENT with an infant/toddler.

An infant is no different than someone with alzheimer's?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

This is a personal opinion only, but I don't think that 50/50 is good for a child until the child is old enough to have things explained to them, and to understand the explanation. If they don't understand what is going on, it can be difficult for them.

No, actually I was thinking someone between the age of 2 and 3, depending on how developed the child's communication skills are.

Sooooo... LdiJ, do you really believe that any 2 or 3 year old can understand the concept of 50/50 custody, or were you just trying to cover your butt?

And if you do believe that, exactly when did we get to the point of explaining "grown up business" to kids(particularly 2 or 3 year olds)?

 

[nextwife]

But they do "understand" being left with aunts, uncles, grandparents, older siblings, daycare at two, so that's OK? It's only extended periods with DAD that should be rationed? If it's somone Mom WANTS to leave her kids with overnight, say, her parents, that's OK, but only dads should be treated differently?

 

[juke]

But they do "understand" being left with aunts, uncles, grandparents, older siblings, daycare at two, so that's OK? It's only extended periods with DAD that should be rationed? If it's somone Mom WANTS to leave her kids with overnight, say, her parents, that's OK, but only dads should be treated differently?

That's what the woman says.
But why limit it to two years old? I know plenty of infants, 6 weeks old, left in daycare 5 days a week.

 

[proud_parent]

Imagine just how much you would enjoy having to sleep in different places every other night, or get used to different environments every other week, and then imagine how much worse it would be if you were unable to communicate your feelings/needs and have them fullfilled, and then you might just have some idea of how it would be for an infant or toddler.

No, then we would have an idea how it would be for an adult, with an adult's experience, logic, and learned biases brought to bear. Children do not process the world in the same way adults do. Furthermore, children as a group are a great deal more resilient than you consistently give them credit for on this board.

How well any individual child would adjust to 50/50 custody would depend (as waitinMd correctly stated) on the parents' handling of transitions, their responsiveness and consistency as caregivers, their sensitivity to the child's needs, etc. It would also depend a great deal on the child's temperament. Some children roll with the changes, others become irritable at even minor deviations from routine. If the 50/50 time sharing were such that extended separations from either parent were minimized, it might indeed be in the child's as well as the parents' best interests.

Then imagine how it would feel to grieve for the parent that you have just gotten used to, only to have to readjust to the other parent again.

Good grief! (no pun intended) Isn't this statement a tad melodramatic? We're talking about a change in the child's daily caregiver routine, not a permanent loss of a loved one. And once the "new" schedule becomes routine, this argument doesn't hold much water.


On a personal note, LdiJ, I am sorry to hear your father is ailing. My father also suffered with Alzheimer's for many years; my mother was his caregiver through the moderate and into the advanced stages of his illness, before he moved to a care facility. However, I must agree with Zigner...to suggest that our fathers' needs and experiences are/were no different than that of an infant or toddler is inaccurate, to say the least.

 

[sweetcinaminn]

I agree with the others on it depends on which county in Maryland. In my case, we agreed to 50/50 legal but I got sole physical based on the grounds for divorce and the fact that my spouse left the house so they considered it prior abandonment.

If the parents can agree to it without the courts making that decision, I think it definitely makes it easier on both parties. As far as age, it depends on how the parents handle it that will determine how well the child will adjust to being in a shared custody situation. I don't think 7 months is too young.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

it will also depend on the ..., what county you are in, ...

county in Md makes a HUGE difference!

I agree with the others on it depends on which county in Maryland. ...

I'm not sure that I can agree with ANY of these statements.

MD law is MD law. Counties do NOT supercede state law in MD, or at least there are not more restrictive county statutes with respect to custody. If you prove your case, you prove your case. I'd think that if the judge/master went against the evidence presented, you would have grounds for appeal, if needed.

Then again, I'm only ProSe, what do I know...

 

[Isis1]

I'm not sure that I can agree with ANY of these statements.

MD law is MD law. Counties do NOT supercede state law in MD, or at least there are not more restrictive county statutes with respect to custody. If you prove your case, you prove your case. I'd think that if the judge/master went against the evidence presented, you would have grounds for appeal, if needed.

Then again, I'm only ProSe, what do I know...

a pro se in MD?? naw...nothing at all

 

[CourtClerk]

Then again, I'm only ProSe, what do I know...

You do know you're (what is it?) 3 for 3?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

You do know you're (what is it?) 3 for 3?

Stand back, I'm gonna explode....

 

[Ohiogal]

Stand back, I'm gonna explode....

Where? Never mind. i dont want to know.

(Now people are really going to think I am thinking about your......)