Joint Physical Custody

[4bidN2father]

What is the name of your state? WA
What is required in order to go from joint legal to joint legal and physical? Is alienation a significant change? My g/f and I have lived together for 2 years now. Can my X use that to prevent me from having custody?

 

[stealth2]

If y'all can't get along at all, joint custody isn't likely to happen.

 

[4bidN2father]

Then what are my options here? This woman is going way out of her way to prevent me from being in my son's life. She has gone as far as to threaten to send him to the school in the district that she lives in so I will lose even more time with my son. I wont have Thursdays or Sunday nites then and I wont be able to help out on Friday mornings in class before work then either. I thought if we had joint physical that he would be able to use my address as his legal address and she couldnt pull him out of school here. Id like to have full custody but I dont want to confuse my son's whole world and I know it would probably take something utterly huge to have custody changed. I dont want to fight. I just want her to stop f*cking with me and I want to have the time with my son. Im his father. I should have rights too.

 

[LdiJ]

Then what are my options here? This woman is going way out of her way to prevent me from being in my son's life. She has gone as far as to threaten to send him to the school in the district that she lives in so I will lose even more time with my son. I wont have Thursdays or Sunday nites then and I wont be able to help out on Friday mornings in class before work then either. I thought if we had joint physical that he would be able to use my address as his legal address and she couldnt pull him out of school here. Id like to have full custody but I dont want to confuse my son's whole world and I know it would probably take something utterly huge to have custody changed. I dont want to fight. I just want her to stop f*cking with me and I want to have the time with my son. Im his father. I should have rights too.

If she has primary custody then the child (legally) should be going to school in her district. If the child isn't attending school in her district then the child may be illegally enrolled in the current district.

 

[4bidN2father]

And what difference does not getting along make in sharing custody. Isnt that why most ppl get divorced, b/c they cant get along? I dont see where a judge should say, you are the dad and since you cant get along with this obnoxious bitch, I'm going to punish you by only letting you see your son every other weekend for the rest of his life. And furthermore, you will have no right to make one decision in his life, she gets to call the shots b/c she filed for divorce first and she has that slit between her legs which means her rights matter and yours dont. Thats fair...NOT....
Sorry if this sounds like Im trying to b an *******...this just isnt right...my son is the main one suffering and I dont know how to fix it.

 

[4bidN2father]

If she has primary custody then the child (legally) should be going to school in her district. If the child isn't attending school in her district then the child may be illegally enrolled in the current district.

Thats exactly whats going on and shes using it against me. Because if I tell, I lose time, if I dont let her roll all over me, I lose time.

 

[casa]

And what difference does not getting along make in sharing custody. Isnt that why most ppl get divorced, b/c they cant get along? I dont see where a judge should say, you are the dad and since you cant get along with this obnoxious bitch, I'm going to punish you by only letting you see your son every other weekend for the rest of his life. And furthermore, you will have no right to make one decision in his life, she gets to call the shots b/c she filed for divorce first and she has that slit between her legs which means her rights matter and yours dont. Thats fair...NOT....
Sorry if this sounds like Im trying to b an *******...this just isnt right...my son is the main one suffering and I dont know how to fix it.

It makes every difference, because in a high conflict situation like yours- it would mean arguments every other day instead of once every other week, greatly increasing the stress of exposure in your son.

I have mentioned before, and I'll mention again- that you are fueling the fire by taking the bait and engaging in every single little battle with the b*tch. Sorry, but it's true. ie; Coach if you want to coach, not because you want xtra time to see your son and you know it drives the X nuts. another ie;fighting over the son taking backpack to school for change of clothes.....etc.etc. ad naseum.

I've told you once and I'll tell you again (Voice of experience talking) REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE in the insanity~ The X will eventually lose steam. Everytime you two snivel about every single darn thing...the more momentum you are giving to the war.

Stop it. Both of you. Go back to your corners & take deep breaths!

 

[4bidN2father]

so....

youre saying to never respond at all. It doesnt matter what the hell she does, I should just let her do it. It should be fine for her to try and interfere in my relationship with my son, in fact, I should smile at her for doing it? Are you serious? Do you seriously believe that all I should do when she uses my son and hurts him is to just laugh it off? Good grief!!!!

 

[casa]

youre saying to never respond at all. It doesnt matter what the hell she does, I should just let her do it. It should be fine for her to try and interfere in my relationship with my son, in fact, I should smile at her for doing it? Are you serious? Do you seriously believe that all I should do when she uses my son and hurts him is to just laugh it off? Good grief!!!!

No.

What I'm saying is: Pick your battles. Let time and lack of reaction diffuse some of the others. You've been engaged in high conflict from the get-go with this b*tch. Stop it. Who will she fight with when you are no longer available? Take a rest.....Take some space...Take some lessons in acceptance.

*Revenge is a dish best served cold.

 

[Reyna7]

Letting Things Go

youre saying to never respond at all.

I agree in picking your battles and allowing some stuff to go. But in our case the more the ex won these little victories over us, she became empowered and tried more. The worse part is that the kids did suffer. We are still finding out stuff she has done over the last 8 years.

Her whole life has been on "getting even" and the only way is taking time from the father. Not telling him when special events in school were or their extra activities. Then she used his non-involvement in all these things AGAINST him in court. I almost died when I read the papers and all she did was state all the times he did not pick up the kids and everything he had missed.

So be very careful and document EVERYTHING.

 

[LdiJ]

youre saying to never respond at all. It doesnt matter what the hell she does, I should just let her do it. It should be fine for her to try and interfere in my relationship with my son, in fact, I should smile at her for doing it? Are you serious? Do you seriously believe that all I should do when she uses my son and hurts him is to just laugh it off? Good grief!!!!

Click on your screen name and go to your profile. You will see an option to view all threads started by you. Read your first post in each thread and pretent that its not you that you are reading about.....but someone else, a stranger. If you can't understand what you are doing wrong after doing that....then nobody here is going to be able to help you.

 

[Ambr]

Then what are my options here? This woman is going way out of her way to prevent me from being in my son's life. She has gone as far as to threaten to send him to the school in the district that she lives in so I will lose even more time with my son. I wont have Thursdays or Sunday nites then and I wont be able to help out on Friday mornings in class before work then either.

Since she is doing everything to complicate your visitations (as you have stated in previous posts.) Then I am "assuming" that your midweek visits (Thursdays) and Sunday nites are court ordered?

If your visitation is court ordered - YOU won't be losing anything. You still get your visitation. IF she doesn't allow it then she is in contempt of the order.

Is the distance involved so great that you can't drive to your son's school (even if it is in another district) and participate in his classes?

 

[4bidN2father]

Yes, it will be. Thursday nights wont be mine anymore b/c he will go to school over an hr away. And I take him to school on Fridays and help out in class. I keep him overnights on the Sundays that I have him and take him to school on Monday. I would miss those times b/c it would be insane to expect him to spend the night with me and get him up alot earlier to take him to school or to his mom's to go to school from her home. She knows that I am not going to make things harder on my son intentionally.
The things I am doing wrong is letting it frustrate me. In all of the things I have posted, there have been hundreds of things I havent posted that I let roll off my back. I react to her after a while. That is what she wants. Its what shes looking for. I see that....but at the same time, my job as a parent is to protect my son.....just allowing it isnt protecting him. I have documented it and my atty knows. I will just let it slide for now. I will behave as if nothing has happened.

 

[casa]

Yes, it will be. Thursday nights wont be mine anymore b/c he will go to school over an hr away. And I take him to school on Fridays and help out in class. I keep him overnights on the Sundays that I have him and take him to school on Monday. I would miss those times b/c it would be insane to expect him to spend the night with me and get him up alot earlier to take him to school or to his mom's to go to school from her home. She knows that I am not going to make things harder on my son intentionally.
The things I am doing wrong is letting it frustrate me. In all of the things I have posted, there have been hundreds of things I havent posted that I let roll off my back. I react to her after a while. That is what she wants. Its what shes looking for. I see that....but at the same time, my job as a parent is to protect my son.....just allowing it isnt protecting him. I have documented it and my atty knows. I will just let it slide for now. I will behave as if nothing has happened.

You don't have to behave as if nothing happened, just try to remember the goal- which is to provide as little conflict as possible re; your son. Your son lives with the control freak, he will surely come to realize who's who in due time. I'm not unsympathetic- my nuttyX does anything/everything to irritate and complicate, it's what he actually ENJOYS doing. There came a time when I realized that I could refuse to participate. Sometimes it meant ignoring him (just like I tell my kids when someone is being a pain) and sometimes it meant picking my battles...but always it is demonstrating a lesson children need to learn anyway: You don't always get your way and people are out in the world who enjoy irritating others- we choose whether or not to give them power by how we respond to them.

Besides the best revenge is your happiness. Don't you know it'll just boil her blood for you to enjoy coaching and for you and the children to have fun learning together? Or even better than that to see you are NOT REACTING to her instigations?

 

[4bidN2father]

besides

No one really answered my initial question. What is required in order to change from joint legal to joint legal/physical?