Just a few more questions

[dyce71]

What is the name of your state? MS

OK, the ex is in the military and headed to Iraq. We have joint custody but he told me, he had to have physical custody, but I would still keep the kids. Turns out his first visit with them, he took them and left the mainland, where he is currently stationed. I have had no visitation with the children, cause of the distance and the expense and paying lawyers.
Ok, current situation, he has agreed to give me the boys while he is gone, but requires that I return the children to him when he returns. Meanwhile, he will only give me power of attorney, versus the temporary custody we had discussed when he told me he was leaving. And now he says he will only leave the children with me if I give his parents visitation, meaning 6 weeks out of the summer, every other weekend and holidays. If I do not agree to his demands, again (alot like the divorce papers I signed), I won't get to see the kids and he won't tell me who he leaves them with. He has suggested that he has someone at his present duty station that will keep my children if I don't do things his way.
I'm so tired of screwed by this man, but he leaves me feeling like I have no choice to comply. Like, his way or no kids. I did it his way last time and still lost the kids.
He knows my self esteem can be beat down pretty easy, thanks to my childhood, so he likes to tell me I'm stupid and I don't know what I am talking about. And of course, my favorite, I'm crazy, because of my childhood. Yes, I will admit I take wellbutrin for anxiety, for the stress in my life. Not seeing my kids, an ex who likes to hang them over my head, and a 12 year old girl who thinks she knows everything, her dad who only sends money on her birthday and christmas, who has also only had insurance on her for one month since our divorce 8 years ago. I thinks its safe to say that I have a little anxiety, and am getting the help I need so that I can be a better mom for my children. I was going to college, but with the extra stress of the boys being gone, it was just too much. I work full time, 80 hours every pay period. I'm not out party or wasting my money, it all goes to attorney fees. I do apologize for rambling on, but sometimes you need to vent.
A little advice would be appreciated thanks in advance.

 

[critterperson]

What is the name of your state? MS

OK, the ex is in the military and headed to Iraq. We have joint custody but he told me, he had to have physical custody, but I would still keep the kids. Turns out his first visit with them, he took them and left the mainland, where he is currently stationed. I have had no visitation with the children, cause of the distance and the expense and paying lawyers.
Ok, current situation, he has agreed to give me the boys while he is gone, but requires that I return the children to him when he returns. Meanwhile, he will only give me power of attorney, versus the temporary custody we had discussed when he told me he was leaving. And now he says he will only leave the children with me if I give his parents visitation, meaning 6 weeks out of the summer, every other weekend and holidays. If I do not agree to his demands, again (alot like the divorce papers I signed), I won't get to see the kids and he won't tell me who he leaves them with. He has suggested that he has someone at his present duty station that will keep my children if I don't do things his way.
I'm so tired of screwed by this man, but he leaves me feeling like I have no choice to comply. Like, his way or no kids. I did it his way last time and still lost the kids.
He knows my self esteem can be beat down pretty easy, thanks to my childhood, so he likes to tell me I'm stupid and I don't know what I am talking about. And of course, my favorite, I'm crazy, because of my childhood. Yes, I will admit I take wellbutrin for anxiety, for the stress in my life. Not seeing my kids, an ex who likes to hang them over my head, and a 12 year old girl who thinks she knows everything, her dad who only sends money on her birthday and christmas, who has also only had insurance on her for one month since our divorce 8 years ago. I thinks its safe to say that I have a little anxiety, and am getting the help I need so that I can be a better mom for my children. I was going to college, but with the extra stress of the boys being gone, it was just too much. I work full time, 80 hours every pay period. I'm not out party or wasting my money, it all goes to attorney fees. I do apologize for rambling on, but sometimes you need to vent.
A little advice would be appreciated thanks in advance.

If he is heading to Iraq you are the next in line for the custodial parent role given you haven't abused,neglected or mentally hurt your children in any way. Contact a lawyer

 

[snostar]

First of all, what EXACTLY do the court orders state in regards to custody and visitation, is the any clause that addresses the possible deployment of your ex?

 

[winn dixie]

By no menas am I a lawyer....but it sounds like you need to get one....my husband is military and he has children from a previous marriage. We were told by his attorney as well as Jag that if she were to get deployed (she was gonna join the military) that the kids had to go to him and that she couldn't make him give visitation to her parents...If I am not mistaken when someone is active duty and they have kids they have to have a POA and it must be the other parent...unless the courts have deemed you unfit...he cant give the kids to anyine but to the other biological parent unless the courts have said you can't bea round the kids!!! I would get an attorney ASAP!!!!!

 

[snostar]

If I am not mistaken when someone is active duty and they have kids they have to have a POA and it must be the other parent...unless the courts have deemed you unfit

There is no need for a POA if this poster has joint custody, as she stated.

 

[winn dixie]

Actually avey active duty member must have a POA designated if they are the primary caretaker of a child and the other parent doesn't live in the area. That is per the military. For example...I am a teacher...we have severla parents who are active duty military who have custody or even joint custody that have the child/children residing with them. The other parent doesn't live in the area. the school requires a POA so in case of emergency that person can pick the child up, seek medical care, or ect. .... the military will also require it....there are times an active duty member may be unreachabe due to an exercise or what not. We had an incident that came up where a child broke her arm...the father (the active duty member) was in the field and couldn't be reached for many hours. Unfortunatley the school had let it slip throught the cracks of having a POA on file. The school contatced the person in case of emergeny and was on the school pick up list. That person went to seek medical care and couldn't without POA because it was not an emergency situation. A few hours later they were able to get through to the father to take care of the medical situation, but he got reprimanded for not having a designanted POA.

In short....active duty military with custody/joint custody of child must have POA designated when other parent is not in area.

 

[snostar]

In short....active duty military with custody/joint custody of child must have POA designated when other parent is not in area.

NOT TRUE, my ex is in the military, and lives a couple hundred miles away, he is and was NOT required to obtain a POA for such purposes. Did you even read the orginial post? The poster stated Dad wanted to give her a POA, not a family member in his area.

 

[winn dixie]

Well I guess the Jag office here is mistaken then...out of curiosty I called a freind who works at Jag...and they said YES active duty had to have POA if other legal guardian was not in area..

Yes I read original post....I understood he was gonna give POA I was simply making a comment.

 

[snostar]

Well I guess the Jag office here is mistaken then...out of curiosty I called a freind who works at Jag...and they said YES active duty had to have POA if other legal guardian was not in area..

Yes I read original post....I understood he was gonna give POA I was simply making a comment.

Simply put, all active duty members do not HAVE to have a POA in these cases. Of course it may be recommended, but I am POSITIVE it is not REQUIRED by all branches. Don't forget where you obtained this information. Your comment is completely irrelevant based on the facts presented. This OP appears very confused as it is, try not to complicate the matter unnecessarily.

 

[winn dixie]

I am just stating that JAG has said this a DOD policy....

 

[winn dixie]

Also JAG has said there are some very cut and dry DOD policies when it comes to deployment and the active duty member deploys and they have primary custody of that child.

Unless court order states specifically that child is suppose to reside elsewhere during the deployment that the legal guardian or in this case biological parent will have child with them.

This policy isn't branch specific at all

 

[snostar]

You are completely missing the POINT, and I will no longer try to explain it to you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? MS

OK, the ex is in the military and headed to Iraq. We have joint custody but he told me, he had to have physical custody, but I would still keep the kids. Turns out his first visit with them, he took them and left the mainland, where he is currently stationed. I have had no visitation with the children, cause of the distance and the expense and paying lawyers.
Ok, current situation, he has agreed to give me the boys while he is gone, but requires that I return the children to him when he returns. Meanwhile, he will only give me power of attorney, versus the temporary custody we had discussed when he told me he was leaving. And now he says he will only leave the children with me if I give his parents visitation, meaning 6 weeks out of the summer, every other weekend and holidays. If I do not agree to his demands, again (alot like the divorce papers I signed), I won't get to see the kids and he won't tell me who he leaves them with. He has suggested that he has someone at his present duty station that will keep my children if I don't do things his way.
I'm so tired of screwed by this man, but he leaves me feeling like I have no choice to comply. Like, his way or no kids. I did it his way last time and still lost the kids.
He knows my self esteem can be beat down pretty easy, thanks to my childhood, so he likes to tell me I'm stupid and I don't know what I am talking about. And of course, my favorite, I'm crazy, because of my childhood. Yes, I will admit I take wellbutrin for anxiety, for the stress in my life. Not seeing my kids, an ex who likes to hang them over my head, and a 12 year old girl who thinks she knows everything, her dad who only sends money on her birthday and christmas, who has also only had insurance on her for one month since our divorce 8 years ago. I thinks its safe to say that I have a little anxiety, and am getting the help I need so that I can be a better mom for my children. I was going to college, but with the extra stress of the boys being gone, it was just too much. I work full time, 80 hours every pay period. I'm not out party or wasting my money, it all goes to attorney fees. I do apologize for rambling on, but sometimes you need to vent.
A little advice would be appreciated thanks in advance.

I agree that it would be best that you hire an attorney. However, since you have joint custody he has no right to leave the children with anyone but you. You need an attorney to assist you in enforcing that right. He also has no right to make demands regarding his parents or anyone else...RUN don't walk and get yourself and attorney.

 

[dyce71]

here's where I am at

First and foremost, thank you for all of your helpand advice.
I have an attorney, who has drawn up change of custody papers. I have never beaten my children, or caused them any harm of any kind. I have never had any accusations against me, by anyone. Except for now with the ex saying I'm crazy cause I grew up in an abusive home.
According to him, his command demanded that he have a "care package" set up in case of deployment, especially since we were divorced. This "care package" must include the POA, and who they should send the kids to in case of deployment. He stated in his care plan, that the babysitter at his current duty station, would take care of the kids until his parents could go there and pick them up. Completely leaving me out of the picture,....a quote from him, "cause I was mad at you at the time, and don't see a reason to change it now." He never once enclosed a copy of the divorce papers. He just told them; His commander, the jag office, and the babysitter, that I had abandoned my children and wanted nothing to do with them.
I would never had agreed to giving him physical custody, if I had know he was lying to me.
So, I can not be forced into giving his parents visitation? I have issues with them, but I would not tell them that they could not see the kids. That's just cruel and I wouldn't do it to my children.
What if he doesn't sign the new papers? He has stated that he has given me POA over the children and over their medical. I don't understand why I have to have a POA over them to begin with. We have joint custody, I am their mother, I have insurance on them, I do not need the military for medical. I maybe dumb about the law, but not about my responsibilities.

 

[dyce71]

Nothing stated in the custody papers about deployment.