Am amazed everyone is popping ut kids like there's no tomorrow when they live from paycheck to paycheck. Kids are more expensive than anything else, yet people think that money magically multiplies when a kid is born. Simple, if you are living from check to check.....DON'T HAVE KIDS!!! Not only doesn't it mean you can't afford one, but it also means you'll be raising your kid on food stamps if you end up a single parent. And for women, regardless if your man wants you to stay at home for 18 years after the birth of each kid, protect yourself from poverty (if you end up single) by getting a job, any job. Raising kids are is the most important job in the world, but unfortunately the only job that gets you no financial security what so ever. So if you and your partner don't have money to throw around when it's just the 2 of you in the household, don't assume there will be any when there's 8 of you.
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Veronica1228
Senior Member
cohiba said:
Anti-American? If it is Anti-American to make sure that children are well cared and provided for, then no wonder other countries can't stand us! I agree completely with Paradise and Breezy, there is no justification for a man to just deposit his sperm into his wife or girlfriend and then expect to be able to walk away scott-free! A child is a precious life that needs to be nurtured and provided for. They are not just a toy that you can throw away when you no longer want to play with them.
Additionally, I wish there was a way for the court to order the father to not only be there for his child financially, but physically and emotionally too. Its because of parents that check out that we have so many children in this country who will grow up with problems like eating disorders, low self esteem, and anger management issues to name a few. And these are going to be the lucky ones. Others that grow up in extreme poverty because their father did not contribute his fair shair, will spend a great deal of their adulthood on drugs, in gangs, and, or in jail.
Do you really want to take the position that these
things (drugs,jail, etc) are American?
BTW I have no children, so my opinion is based on how sick I feel when I hear people complaining about having to bring up their kids, not because I receive child support.
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tigger22472
Senior Member
AHA said:
Ya know.. I think we finally found something the two of us agree on!!
As I've said a million times the laws are screwed up on both sides of the child support issues. I have no sympathy for someone (MAN OR WOMAN) who produces children and then does whatever it takes to not support them and then continues to have more children.
B
BL1993
Guest
Just read this thread and you'll know the problem
Wow... reading this thread really points out how rare two parent's are in America.
Divorce has pitted the parents against each other...mostly over money! If you were the child, you would realize that you are simply being fought over. After divorce.... your parents will spend endless energy and money trying to prove who failed who. You will know that you parents are in a competition over who does the most for you. You will know that your not loved and cared for like you should be because you are told that all the time by someone. You will be forced to decide who's fault the divorce was and who should pay the price for the divorce. You will watch your parents play this game of who is the "good guy" and who is the "bad guy". You will need to divide your loyalties to side with the parent who makes the best case for "good guy". That parent deserves your loyalty you know. You will feel sorry for whichever parent has been vicitimized the most and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to fix it for them. Hum? I wonder why we can't suck up the hard stuff and sacrifice like we used to when we were married... for our children. Why should they take it on?
Look, if you all were really putting your children first, you would realize that your children were living with two parents before the divorce. Now, they are living with two parents who hate each other and refuse to really act like the parents they used to be. Why? Well, because we are angry. We are therefore raising angry children who will grow up believing that how much someone pays for you, determines how much they love you. This isn't at all what we would want our children to learn if we had stayed married. This is what is ruining our children's lives. If you were still married, you would likely being having your financial ups and downs. You would sacrifice in terms of lifestyle when someone loses a job. You would not be calling each other deadbeat in front of your children over these things either. You would be working together to get through the tough job of being parents! This is the difference .... after divorce you simply stopped working "together" as parents. Both Mom and Dad are guilty of this.
I have two children, and by heck, I know that they don't cost $800 a month. I have to pay for housing and utilities etc, in order for 'me' to have someplace to stay. I would have living expenses and I would drive a car most likely. I made a decision to have children and they are my responsibility... That people is what I should worry about.. I share what is mine with my children! As for their father, what he decides to be or not to be in their lives is up to him. He has free choice just as I do. He gets to live with whatever he is or isn't in their lives. It's also not my place to point out to my children how, because he doesn't pay what 'I' think he should, they are not loved by him. Why would anyone choose to spend 18 years proving the case to their child that they are not and haven't been loved in the world by those who should love them the most. Is that in their best interest? We had better get over the money and look a little closer at what is going on with our kids. Kids are not going to be better people, have self worth etc., based on how much money was provided them during their childhood! Why not forget about this battle with your ex... and raise children who will know that they are loved in the world by more than just YOU. That will do their hearts some good. Then, teach them that having little makes you strong and teaches you gratitude. Teach them the real stuff that builds character instead of stuff that will make them greedy, selfish, people who believe themselves to be entitled to whatever it is they want. We, as parents are that example.
Wow... reading this thread really points out how rare two parent's are in America.
Divorce has pitted the parents against each other...mostly over money! If you were the child, you would realize that you are simply being fought over. After divorce.... your parents will spend endless energy and money trying to prove who failed who. You will know that you parents are in a competition over who does the most for you. You will know that your not loved and cared for like you should be because you are told that all the time by someone. You will be forced to decide who's fault the divorce was and who should pay the price for the divorce. You will watch your parents play this game of who is the "good guy" and who is the "bad guy". You will need to divide your loyalties to side with the parent who makes the best case for "good guy". That parent deserves your loyalty you know. You will feel sorry for whichever parent has been vicitimized the most and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to fix it for them. Hum? I wonder why we can't suck up the hard stuff and sacrifice like we used to when we were married... for our children. Why should they take it on?
Look, if you all were really putting your children first, you would realize that your children were living with two parents before the divorce. Now, they are living with two parents who hate each other and refuse to really act like the parents they used to be. Why? Well, because we are angry. We are therefore raising angry children who will grow up believing that how much someone pays for you, determines how much they love you. This isn't at all what we would want our children to learn if we had stayed married. This is what is ruining our children's lives. If you were still married, you would likely being having your financial ups and downs. You would sacrifice in terms of lifestyle when someone loses a job. You would not be calling each other deadbeat in front of your children over these things either. You would be working together to get through the tough job of being parents! This is the difference .... after divorce you simply stopped working "together" as parents. Both Mom and Dad are guilty of this.
I have two children, and by heck, I know that they don't cost $800 a month. I have to pay for housing and utilities etc, in order for 'me' to have someplace to stay. I would have living expenses and I would drive a car most likely. I made a decision to have children and they are my responsibility... That people is what I should worry about.. I share what is mine with my children! As for their father, what he decides to be or not to be in their lives is up to him. He has free choice just as I do. He gets to live with whatever he is or isn't in their lives. It's also not my place to point out to my children how, because he doesn't pay what 'I' think he should, they are not loved by him. Why would anyone choose to spend 18 years proving the case to their child that they are not and haven't been loved in the world by those who should love them the most. Is that in their best interest? We had better get over the money and look a little closer at what is going on with our kids. Kids are not going to be better people, have self worth etc., based on how much money was provided them during their childhood! Why not forget about this battle with your ex... and raise children who will know that they are loved in the world by more than just YOU. That will do their hearts some good. Then, teach them that having little makes you strong and teaches you gratitude. Teach them the real stuff that builds character instead of stuff that will make them greedy, selfish, people who believe themselves to be entitled to whatever it is they want. We, as parents are that example.
Shay-Pari'e
Senior Member
cohiba said:
tigger22472 said:Ya know.. I think we finally found something the two of us agree on!!
As I've said a million times the laws are screwed up on both sides of the child support issues. I have no sympathy for someone (MAN OR WOMAN) who produces children and then does whatever it takes to not support them and then continues to have more children.
"I think we finally found something the two of us agree on!!
"Well worthy a celebration, it might be our only one
Can all this s**t about anti or non anti american views be flushed down the toilet on this issue!
Don't delude yourselves that divorced parents in the US are any better or worse than divorced parents in any other country. It has absolutely nothing to do with paying cs or not. It has everything to do with being a responsible, intelligent, child caring adult, and that has no country borders. A US divorced parent doesn't deserve more money in cs than other nationality for the sole reason that HE/SHE IS AMERICAN, please. If that's the only defense, major therapy is in order. So leave all the "I'm american therefore cs should make me rich" attitude at the door.
Don't delude yourselves that divorced parents in the US are any better or worse than divorced parents in any other country. It has absolutely nothing to do with paying cs or not. It has everything to do with being a responsible, intelligent, child caring adult, and that has no country borders. A US divorced parent doesn't deserve more money in cs than other nationality for the sole reason that HE/SHE IS AMERICAN, please. If that's the only defense, major therapy is in order. So leave all the "I'm american therefore cs should make me rich" attitude at the door.
J
jen0923
Guest
Posh
all this talk about being a resposible parent and taking care of one's resposibility - well, that's a given, but it is not, nor will it ever be the way things are. The reply saying it would be better (in theory of course) that the court could mandate emotional support as well; I couldn't agree with you more, but we all know that is only a dream. However money is not quite so abstract. To the reply of one person that could not live on $800 plus their salary, well if I were recieving $800 per month, maybe even per year, I would not be complaining. I agree with the thought that paying one's car payment with support might be necessary, the money all goes into one bank account when you get it, but honestly, after paying for all of your own needs and wants, are you really spending THAT much to raise your child? By that math it would cost $1600 per month to provide the bare essentials for your child. I wish you were my mom! Those of us that actually RAISE the child spend more money regardless. We are the ones to replace the broken toy, and bake the christmas cookies and drive to the beach and buy the hotdogs and buy the goldfish and the kitty litter boxes, we buy the bandaids and the Vicks, and the towels to wipe the faces clean. I don't believe anyone can say this 50/50 business would be fair on every level, obviously the person raising the child is hit much harder than 50%, no matter how well you could try to calculate it. I just feel that mandating each parent pays what would be a rough half, might even things out. If I did not have custody of my child and I were told I had to pay half, I would consider that very fair. And it is not very often that I hear people talk about child support without everyone in the room complaining. It seems to me the majority of people have more problems than not. I just don't think that determining child support should have very much at all to do with income. It costs so much to provide for a child, make them pay that much, and if you live in Beverly Hills, I'm sure it would warrent you a bit more than I here in residential WI, but the limit has to come somewhere.
all this talk about being a resposible parent and taking care of one's resposibility - well, that's a given, but it is not, nor will it ever be the way things are. The reply saying it would be better (in theory of course) that the court could mandate emotional support as well; I couldn't agree with you more, but we all know that is only a dream. However money is not quite so abstract. To the reply of one person that could not live on $800 plus their salary, well if I were recieving $800 per month, maybe even per year, I would not be complaining. I agree with the thought that paying one's car payment with support might be necessary, the money all goes into one bank account when you get it, but honestly, after paying for all of your own needs and wants, are you really spending THAT much to raise your child? By that math it would cost $1600 per month to provide the bare essentials for your child. I wish you were my mom! Those of us that actually RAISE the child spend more money regardless. We are the ones to replace the broken toy, and bake the christmas cookies and drive to the beach and buy the hotdogs and buy the goldfish and the kitty litter boxes, we buy the bandaids and the Vicks, and the towels to wipe the faces clean. I don't believe anyone can say this 50/50 business would be fair on every level, obviously the person raising the child is hit much harder than 50%, no matter how well you could try to calculate it. I just feel that mandating each parent pays what would be a rough half, might even things out. If I did not have custody of my child and I were told I had to pay half, I would consider that very fair. And it is not very often that I hear people talk about child support without everyone in the room complaining. It seems to me the majority of people have more problems than not. I just don't think that determining child support should have very much at all to do with income. It costs so much to provide for a child, make them pay that much, and if you live in Beverly Hills, I'm sure it would warrent you a bit more than I here in residential WI, but the limit has to come somewhere.