just venting

[TNBSMommy]

What is the name of your state? TN, but that is neither here nor there.

I just want to say I am sitting here reading post after post from parents who want to see their children and ex's won't let them, and I have to say to each of you.....
Bugaboo and Raddad, OregonMom, GradyC, Califgentleman, missourigal(I believe in this case it is your husband/boyfriend) I know there are many more on this board, these are the names of ones who are on the front page of the board right now......
Keep fighting to see your children. I wish my ex cared half as much as you all do. I would love for my children to see their father, instead I have to read a christmas card my daughter wrote to her father saying she missed him and wished she could see him and asking how the other children in his family are doing.
I have a friend who's cousin died and left a little girl, who had no idea her father died 3 years ago, she only knows that her daddy suddenly has nothing to do with her, her grandparents have no idea where she is at this point and it is soooo sad.
All these children who are missing out simply because of a cp's anger, or control issue, just breaks my heart. Just as much as my children who desperately want to see their dad, and he won't do it. If this man who claims to love them showed just a quarter of the interest in his children as all of you do my children at least wouldn't have to be counted in the number of children who are missing out on the other side of their families.

I pray that each of you those, I named and those I didn't, are finally able to see the babies you love and are being denied based on someone elses whim. And to those who have exes who don't seem to care. I hope that one day they wake up and realize what they are missing......

Good luck to all of you!!! Hang in there. And try to have a merry christmas.

Ok, sorry for rambling, it just breaks my heart, especially this time of the year.

 

[karma1]

well said....

and I didnt take this as a vent, but more like a plea for those adults to start acting like such?
You have a wonderful holiday-your children too!!!

 

[TNBSMommy]

thanks Lovingwife, I called it a vent because it makes me mad that parents do this and the only ones they hurt in the long run are their children......
Looking back on it, you are right, it isn't so much a vent as a plea, I wish parents would look to see what they are doing.

Happy holidays to you and your family also

 

[CRYROSE1]

TNBS thanks
I am also like you have have a son who has not seen his father in 10 years and he will soon be 11. His faterh wrote in 1998 to say I plan to change but I still have yet to see it. If his dad came tomarrow I would let him see him, but he does not.

I am also the girlfriend one of a ncp who on Jan. 7 it will be one year since he has seen son, but he is fighting in court to get custody. The cp won't even contact his lawyer or the court so soon she will be in deflat and he will get custody(so we are told) as of Jan 24 unless things change. She keeps moving a 6yr old little boy from state to state ( IA to MO and back again) to avoid the courts papers served we are trying to serve to her.

So I am jummping on your band wagon LET"S RIDE!

 

[TNBSMommy]

Let's go Cryrose!!!

you know I am taking my children to see their gp's tomorrow. I know the dad will be there, and I will be there to see his face when my daughter gives him his christmas card. I was going to drop them off and pick them up later, but due to alot of reasons I decided to tough it out and stay with my children. One of the reason's is, I want to see him when he reads this card. I want him to see what he is doing to her.
Unfortunately the gp's are ones who only show interest in them on holidays....which is another of my "why do people do this" causes. My parents are both passed away, these people are the only gp's my children have and they live 30 minutes from me, and it is sad that they only see them on holidaysand birthdays. From Jan. to Sept. they don't see them- they want to see them in sept. for my daughters birthday, and in dec. for christmas and my son's birthday.
Good luck to you Cryrose, I will add your name to my list of people I mentioned in the first post.
I hope you have a happy holiday!

 

[karma1]

I'd like to take a second here and...

give some "pats on the back" so to speak, to those parents that have worked through "issues" and let the children visit the other parent during this holiday season---this is truely what this Season is about-digging in and giving something from you heart, no matter how difficult it may be to be without your children during this time.....this is the Christmas miracle we all wish for children-the love and care of both parents.

 

[TNBSMommy]

Amen to that Lovingwife!!!

 

[CMSC]

TNBSmommy, you are so right! I also wish my ex were are determined to see the children as these parents on here! I wish this board did not need to exist...well, kind of, I mean if it didn't exist what would I do!LOL But you know what I mean!
Merry Christmas!

 

[Whyte Noise]

The thing that breaks my heart is to see the look on CJ's face.... and to hear the man I love say... "My children hate me." He's done everything he knew to do. He's accommodated her telling him he has to drive for an hour one way to see his girls in a public place for 30 minutes, then drive an hour back. He's accommodated her by only seeing her children when his parent's have them. He's jumped through hoop after hoop for her, just to be able to see his children. The day we got to Missouri back in January he stopped by the school to see his girls and let them know he was in town. His kids told his ex he came by when they got home, and she gets straight on the phone to the school and tells them he's not allowed to come there. Any "restriction" she's placed on him, he's gone along with. We drove that 2 hours for him to see his kids for 30 minutes. He's literally begged his parents to let him know when they have them, so that he can see them. And for what....? To have his ex tell me to tell him "If he can PROVE to me he has gifts for the girls I'll meet him in a public place so he can give them to him." A public place.... to give his children their Christmas gifts.... Christmas.... a time for family and togetherness.... and he'll be sitting in a Pizza Hut just to be able to see his children....

His ex has told his children that if he loved them, he'd pay child support. His oldest daughter has repeated that to other prople. A friend of ours told her, "Your daddy loves you." and his daughter's response was, "If he loved us he'd send us money." Tell me what 7 year old (this was 2 years ago) thinks that way on their own? One of his ex's reasons for denial is that she says he wont give them their meds.... his youngest stated this one time... "He won't give me my meds!" Wonder where she got that from....It surely wasn't from experience, because he's not had them for overnight visits to be able to give her any meds...

I flat out told his ex the other night on the phone... "All CJ wants to do is be a dad." Her response to me was.... "Then he needs to pay his CS on time"

Is money what makes you a good parent now days? I mean, is Tommy Hilfiger and Jordon's what equates love to some people? Do these ex's get a thrill out of knowing they can tell people what to do? Do they get off on the fact that the people who are parents to their children have to beg and plead to see the children they helped bring into this world? CJ's ex's exact words were "MY girls are not spending the night in his home." What did she do, have an immaculate conception, or were they finger babies? Do they think they above the law and that no matter what rights the NCP has they don't have to follow the court order? I'll never understand it. Never......

To those who can't have their children for Christmas for whatever reason the ex has concocted.... I feel your pain. I live that pain thru CJ every day. I know the hurt and anger and sorrow you feel. I only wish there was something I could do to change it. Something I could do to help. And to those that are blessed enough to have their children with them during the holiday season, hug them extra tight for those of us that don't. We have enough love bottled up inside to go around, and if we can't give it to our own children, I'd be happy knowing that my friends on here could give their kids a squeeze from me, and CJ, and Rad and Bug , and the others.

You know, maybe I really shouldn't write posts like this when I'm listening to sappy love songs. But there's one I think that fits for those of us who don't have our kids.... Faith Hill's "There You'll Be"

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky...
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life....
I'll keep a part of you with me...
And everywhere I am there you'll be.

 

[TNBSMommy]

Ryrysmom, did you get your Christmas card??? I am still waiting on mine! I know what you mean about wishing this board didn't have to be here. I wish these people who call themselves "parents" would just GROW UP!!!!
Missourigal, that is so dam* sad that a child has been conditioned to think money is the be all end all of parenting. I truly hope CJ gets what he deserves, to be able to see his children grow up and I hope that his ex gets what she deserves, and I do believe that one day she will, and one day he will, I know that doesn't mean much in the here and now. I am a firm believer that one day these children are going to grow up(well I know they will do that) and realize what was done to them, and they will also realize which parent it is that has done it to them. Whether it is your situation where the cp is keeping them from the ncp or mine where the ncp does not even try to be there. I hate it when my daughter makes excuses for her father, ie- "daddy must be working" "daddy must not have gas money" "daddy must not be able to call" It just kills me. And in case anyone noticed, my son is not included in all of these rantings, b/c he doesn't seem to even care, I think that is even sadder. He just gave up on his father. When he brought home his christmas stuff from school it was to me and my husband, his father was not even mentioned. I don't remember the last time he mentioned his father without being prompted.

Personally I would do anything to make my children happy, I can't stand to see people putting their own wants and desires before a child. I can't stand my ex, but my children love him, for all his faults he is still their daddy. If he would just show a smidgen of the interest you all show everyday for your children........ well, I suppose that is wishful thinking......


edited to add: I just saw your edit, missourigal, I love that song, and on the other side of the spectrum, I am the child thinking of my parents when I hear it.....
Tomorrow was my mom's birthday... "happy birthday, mom, I love and miss you"

 

[CMSC]

Thanks, MG for making me cry!

TNBS yes I got your christmas card. Okay I must confess, I have been doing these Christmas baskets for 2 weeks and I am about to give up...I have made 3 batches of caramels and not one has turned out well enough to ship!!!!! ahhhh!!! So I bought some decorated cookies and am finishing up my last batch of fudge...

So to all who sent me cards, I love you!!! To the rest, Bah Humbug!LOL I am just kidding, your lump of coal is on the way!!!! I will get these done and off...consider it a Happy New Years Present!

 

[CRYROSE1]

I have to admit

I was once one that did not want my little girl to see here dad - only pays support when he is on unemplyment. But I saw what I was doing. That and it gets you no where just wishing and beeing upset over silly stuff. It is just important that she knows her father , and loves him too.

Wishing all of you the best on christmas.

 

[bugaboo]

God Bless you TNBS...

Your post brought tears to my eyes...and also ripped my heart out. Your precious babies! If only their father knew what he was missing...You know that saying...you don't know what your missing till its gone. Well that saying is SO true. As a parent, we could never imagine that there would be a person to actually take our children away from us...And that person being the other parent!!!!!!!!!!! Why on God's Green Earth would ANYONE want to DESTROY their children?

There are WAY too many people on this board BEGGING to see their children,,,if only for a few minutes!!! But these mothers are such control freaks,,,"nope, I don't think so..." or "I just don't feel comfortable with you seeing MY children..." No matter what these LOVING dads do, it will NEVER be good enough for these mothers.

I am one of the fortunate people who LOVINGLY share custody of OUR daughters with their father. Sure I disagree with A LOT of what he does and how he raises them,,,but they are his girls too. Sure I hate that he has PURPLE hair, his house is filthy (in my eyes-not dangerous), he doesn't dress them LIKE I WOULD, he doesn't mow his lawn or cut his hair...But you know what...NONE OF THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIS LOVE FOR OUR DAUGHTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are some the reasons we were divorced. It never had anything to do with whether or not he loved the girls...Those girls are his life as well as they are my life. They live with him. I get them the day after christmas. Yes, it tears me up not having them christmas day, but I can't be selfish. I hug them extra tight each and every time I get them, for those that are still hurting. My girls are very much aware of what is happening with the boys. They don't understand why the boy's mom would do such a thing. My oldest (she's 10) asked me if their (the boy's) mom loved them. I told her that I'm sure she does, why? She said "I would think if she loved them, than she wouldn't want to hurt them. I know it would hurt me if I couldn't see my dad, mom" OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES. And she's so right.

To all of you WHO WILL NOT SEE YOUR CHILDREN FOR THE HOLIDAYS, Don't give up hope. I know it's easier said than done...but your children need your strength. Try to stay close to family during this time of year...you could use all their support.

Lets not give up on the power of prayers. The more the better. There are so many children who's little lives are being turned upside down because of one parents hate. Lets continue the prayer chain...Not just for Rad, but for the others as well.

God Bless you and Have a Merry Christmas!

 

[karma1]

A little story for y'all....

(and unfortunately, have seen this more than once).
I substitute teach and have many opportunities to work with children of all ages---
Last Wednesday, I was in a first grade class-I really love this school and know the children-they are well behaved and ready to learn-
this one stinker kept pushing me--when it was work time, he was off bothering others, when it was teaching time for me, he kept drawing....etc...etc...etc.....
about midmorning, I finally told him, "listen, you have a decision to make, if you dont work now, you'll be in at recess---you choose what you want to do" he then made a face at me, did one of those mocking-me-while-talking things and turned away--I said, "okay, now you just lost your afternoon recess"
Later in the afternoon, I looked over at him and he had tears in his eyes--I said, "my gosh, what is wrong?"-
He said, "I cant see my dad for Christmas" (now I feel bad for being so hard on him).
I say, thinking his dad may be gone out to sea since this is a military town, "but he will come back, and maybe you can have Christmas then?"
He says, "no, my mom won't let me see my dad".
I took him in my arms-trying not to cry with him-and just hugged him---
kind of puts things into perspective from a little guys view, huh?

 

[bugaboo]

My god, My eyes just welled up with tears...Makes me wonder how many times Rads boys have cried for him... Poor little guy, I wish i could wrap my arms around him and tell him that no matter what, his daddy loves him.