last name and custody issues

[Christal]

What is the name of your state?MO
I am looking for advice on what to do. To make a long story short, I am 4 months pregnant by my current exboyfriend. We dated 10 months before I got pregnant but recently split up because of arguing all the time which was worse after I became pregnant. I don't want to raise the new baby and my 4 year old son in that type of environment. He is financially unstable and has a hard time paying his bills although he has a good job. The advice I'm needing is whether or not to give the baby his last name on the birth certificate. The baby will be in my care 24/7 and he can see the baby anytime he wants. We don't have a visitation schedule set up between us or legally. I'm confused on what to do because my last name is from my previous marriage and I kept it on account of my son by my ex-husband. I don't want this new baby to wonder why it doesn't have my last name since it will be living with me 90% of the time. Can I give the baby my last name and still have the father on the birth certificate? I am so confused. Can anyone help me?

 

[stealth2]

You can name the kid anything you want.

 

[Naturalmom]

In NJ my child has my name(mother) father is on the BC you as the momther can name child anything you would like. If father has a complaint about it he can take you to court and try to change it but most times espcially being unmarried courts will not force that. As for continuity of the names I agree that I truely does make life easier for for both you and child.

 

[casa]

I am not a lawyer- but have had 2 children. My advice? If he is the father- his name belongs on the birth certificate. Why? Because it is the Truth. He may want to know one day and you may not be here (never say never) there are physical concerns ie; genetics etcetera.

Regarding the name: Do you want your child to have your last name? Then name them that. period.

Word of advice? (not legally) I don't have my maiden name. I too, have 2 children by 2 fathers- long story but I believed in the 'fairytale' twice So I have a name which is hyphenated to include both my childrens' names. The schools aren't confused and no one else is either.
When I sat down and thought about it, I decided "What would be best or easiest for the children?" and went with it

Good luck to you

 

[VANCAM1]

The father does have the right for his children to have his name. If you do give the child your current last name and he takes you to court to have it changed then it will be way more complicated than naming the child that in the first place. If the father is going to be in his life then it wont be wierd for him to have a name that is different from yours. It will be something special that he sheres with his dad. So when you re-marry, you're not going to change your name?

 

[Christal]

Thanks everyone for the advice. It helped me to understand both sides of things. There's not any doubt that I am going to put the father on the birth certificate. I was confused as to whether or not to give it my last name or his last name. I do want the father to feel as if he is a part of this baby. I understand that having the father's last name will help him with his identity or whatever. I know that he will be in the baby's life but financially I know he won't help support it. Being the nice person I am I've told him I won't slap him with child support since he is not financially stable because I want him to get back on his feet. We made an agreement he would pay me $20 a week for diapers. I only make $7.00 and hour and I'm more financially stable than he is making $10.00 an hour. I also told him he is always welcomed to come see his child anytime. I am not the type of person to try and keep a child from his/her father or being a mean person and out for money. This is not an easy decision for me. Part of me wants to give this child my last name because of my son and I having the same last name. The other part wants my ex-boyfriend to feel as if he's a part of this baby by giving the baby his last name. But then I keep thinking here I am in my 4th month and he hasn't even helped buy anything for the baby such as helping me buy a swing, car seat or start stocking up on lotions etc. That's the part of me that doesn't want the baby to have his last name because I don't feel as if he is willing to be with me during the pregnancy. On the otherhand, someone posted asking me what I would do if I got re-married. If I got re-married it would be to my ex-husband. I still keep in contact with him and he has hinted around he and I trying to work things out. I do know in my heart my ex-boyfriend and I couldn't work things out enough to make a marriage work. I guess I'm so confused right now and only want to do what is best for my kids because I know that they are my heart and soul and I will do everything in my power to give them the best life and lots of love. I've rambled on long enough. Thanks again everyone for all your advice. Take care and be safe.