Legal obligation to notify a father "a child exists."

[mistoffolees]

I know that you believe that to be true. And that's great.

I just don't think it's ALWAYS true and won't accept it as a blanket statement.

I never said it was ALWAYS true.

But, statistically, it is better for a child to have both parents in their life. Lower dropout rates, lower crime rates, and so on.

And there are VERY few cases where a child is harmed by knowing who his/her father is - and most of those are cases where a restraining order would be obtainable.

 

[st-kitts]

The bolded is what REALLY gets me. It's a sickening double standard.

I so agree. Equal burden on both parties. Yes, the woman should reach out but the guy should be reaching out as well, as in "so, hey, just checking in to see if we made a baby during that one night stand cause I am awesome Dad material." If the woman is contacted by dad and lies, that is a different story. But a woman's failure to notify is no worse than a guy's failure to check, in my opinion.

 

[LdiJ]

I know that you believe that to be true. And that's great.

I just don't think it's ALWAYS true and won't accept it as a blanket statement.

I agree with you...its not always a blanket statement. Even if dad could have been a great dad its not always a blanket statement. I do believe that most children need both parents in their lives, but I am unwilling to state that all children cannot grow up well and stable with only one parent in their lives...and that there are not circumstances where its honestly better that they have only one parent in their lives.

It is sometimes a very rough decision for a mother to decide whether or not to inform a potential father or fathers. It is certainly easier now then it was when I was young. When I was young you either 1) had an abortion, 2) gave the baby up for adoption without needing the consent of the father or 3) had a ******* child and dealt with the fallout from that.

I am literally THRILLED that in today's reality that children born out of wedlock are treated the same as children born within wedlock...when it comes to establishing rights and responsibilities. However, the reality is that the mother still bears the child and the father can disappear...less now than in the past, but still.

 

[nextwife]

No, but c'mon. A woman who knows there might be multiple potential fathers - as repugnant as *I might find that scenario - is going to be called all kinds of words that will get me banned.

But a man who schtups a woman, has no idea if he knocked her up or not, and goes about his business like nothing ever happened. Well, he's just a poor victim of a vindictive woman.

Whatever. I knew that Twain's father wasn't ever going to BE a father to him. I knew that to my core. I was right. So he's on the BC and he pays child support, but Twain will never know him. TWAIN'S life would be no different if I'd given in to my first instinct and taken off.

Yes, but only the woman can know if there was a pregnancy and a resulting live birth.

It's a ridiculous idea that every male should keep following up on every woman (which could be construed as stalking) he ever had sex with IN CASE she both got pregnant AND carried to term AND had a live birth.

Many women have a life of being sexually active, being proactive about birth control, and never have an unwanted pregnancy. Really, there should be a duty to notify, or at minimum post to a legal notice site. Comparable to a Putative Father Registry would make sense, maybe a statewide type registry. That resolves the stalking issue of a guy needing to personally follow up and actually SEE mom to know if she was carrying a baby in order to even know whether there is any reason to request a DNA test. . .

 

[nextwife]

I never said it was ALWAYS true.

But, statistically, it is better for a child to have both parents in their life. Lower dropout rates, lower crime rates, and so on.

And there are VERY few cases where a child is harmed by knowing who his/her father is - and most of those are cases where a restraining order would be obtainable.

Agreed. And in some of the cases in which the child might NOT be better with both parents in their life, it's not always DAD who should be the EXCLUDED parent.

 

[InfantCustody]

For me, the issue comes from 1) failing to notify him she is pregnant and 2) more importantly, lie to him if he asks if the baby is his.

My oldest son has not seen his father since he was 6 weeks old. His father made no bones about the fact he didn't want our son, thinks he should have been aborted or "offered up for adoption." He said he never wanted to see or hear about our son again. He has never paid child support (of course, I never filed for it as I don't need it) and that is the way it is. But he knows he exists. And he knows how to contact me.

Granted, I don't know how my son will turn out in the long run, but at 8 1/2 he is a star student and has a fabulous personality. So for me, I don't think every child has to have two parents involved to turn out to be a productive member of society (and since my sons father never wanted him and wants nothing to do with him, it is probably better he is not involved) but I do believe every parent should be given the opportunity to be involved, if they choose to do so, except in cases of rape. I think to lie to a man and say the child is from artificial insemination because you want the baby all to yourself is horrible, IMO. If you wanted the baby all to yourself, you should have used artificial insemination.

 

[nextwife]

If you wanted the baby all to yourself, you should have used artificial insemination.

Amen to that. It is certainly possible to do.

My sib adopted a newborn as a single. She did not use someone to get a baby and then deceitfully hid the child, and lie about their parentage. So she, too, is legally the sole parent to the child WITHOUT lying to the biodad about the child's existance.

 

[meanyjack]

Let me ask you this.

How does MOM know that person A is the father? What if she slept with the entire Colts team?

Wasn't that a story line for a couple of "South Park" episode many years ago re: who was Cartman's dad?

Oh. I believe it was the Broncos -- not the Colts -- though.

 

[nextwife]

Wasn't that a story line for a couple of "South Park" episode many years ago re: who was Cartman's dad?

Oh. I believe it was the Broncos -- not the Colts -- though.

Yikes. Wasn't the junk, gossip press just carrying on about whether some woman was or was not "really" a Kardashian (as if any of us really care!)?

 

[stealth2]

Please start your own thread, leave out the emotion/editorializing and tell us where you're located.

Thanks

And please add white space.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I'll even help you get started. Separating the unnecessary information from the necessary information, all we need to know and all you need to ask is:

I live in the State of _________.

I believe I fathered a child out of wedlock. How do I establish paternity in order to assert my parental rights?

The child is _____ years old and lives in the State of _________. The mother was/was not married when the child was born.


Please start your own thread and provide only the essential details. If anyone needs to know more, they'll ask.