letter from jail

[waitinMd]

What is the name of your state? Md

I received a letter my ex today. She is in jail. There were 3 warrants out for her a few months ago.

1. Violation of Probation - our county
2. Violation of Probation - other county
3. Failure to Appear - other county

the FTA was for criminal charges which she also skipped bail on...

Right now the 2nd and 3rd warrants are being served in the other county with HWOB. Her hearings are not until next week and the end of June, then she has to serve her other warrant in our county.

She writes a letter saying she is sorry and doing well. In the letter she constantly indicates she wants to see "both" of us, she loves "both" of us... wants pics of "both" of us.... (makes me want to gag).... I truly believe it is still not about the child....

Anyway, in Feb, before the trial... before I was awarded full sole custody.. the judge took her visitation away and said she would only get facilitated visitation, and that her family may no longer supervise...

So, my question is.... when she gets out, should I allow her to see the child, supervised by either myself or one of my family members, or should I make her file for visitation and get the faciliated?

 

[CourtClerk]

What is the name of your state? Md

I received a letter my ex today. She is in jail. There were 3 warrants out for her a few months ago.

1. Violation of Probation - our county
2. Violation of Probation - other county
3. Failure to Appear - other county

the FTA was for criminal charges which she also skipped bail on...

Right now the 2nd and 3rd warrants are being served in the other county with HWOB. Her hearings are not until next week and the end of June, then she has to serve her other warrant in our county.

She writes a letter saying she is sorry and doing well. In the letter she constantly indicates she wants to see "both" of us, she loves "both" of us... wants pics of "both" of us.... (makes me want to gag).... I truly believe it is still not about the child....

Anyway, in Feb, before the trial... before I was awarded full sole custody.. the judge took her visitation away and said she would only get facilitated visitation, and that her family may no longer supervise...

So, my question is.... when she gets out, should I allow her to see the child, supervised by either myself or one of my family members, or should I make her file for visitation and get the faciliated?

You should allow her to see the child supervised by either yourself or one of your family members. Not EVERYTHING needs to be litigated just yet. You already have sole custody. If she wants more that you're willing to give (while you are being reasonable) let her file for it, but why not just let her see the kid on your (reasonable) terms.

Note: my advice isn't for those who are irrational, unreasonable immature individuals.

 

[waitinMd]

that is what I was thinking. Last year I paid for her to have a membership to a family fitness center that has lots of things to do for children.

I was going to suggest she pay the membership this time, and meet there. It is safe and our daughter loves it there.

I just don't want to go against the judge as far as the facilitated goes. Plus she still needs to submit to the drug tests to see her. Should I insist on that and have the results sent to my lawyer?

oh, plus I guess it depends on what her punishment is. She has violated the court so many times, she may get house arrest, or again Probation. That is an unknown....

 

[las365]

I was going to suggest she pay the membership this time, and meet there. It is safe and our daughter loves it there.

Could/would your ex pay for it? If you can afford to, why not pay for the membership again? It sounds as if it would be in your daughter's best interest. It must be hard for her to have a mom who is in trouble due to her apparent drug addiction and/or simple irresponsibility. If all positive contact with mom is removed, she may think it's because her mother doesn't love her, so there is something wrong with her. That's the way kids think.

Best of luck to you in dealing with this.

 

[waitinMd]

right now she is too young to know that, later it would be a problem and I agree it would be damaging. When my ex saw her last, it is all drama, her entire family comes out and acts like they will never see her again, they all call and wave to her. They tell her right in front of me "you want mommy don't you".

My ex even uses toys and animals and tells our daughter "you can't have this, Daddy won't let you. You have to go with him, he's mean. He won't let you take the kitty." My ex's little sister (5yrs old) comes out to my car and says "X said you are mean and Lil Ms doesn't want to go with you".

I'm not going there again !!!

I've already spent 47+K on the custody battle, and I would not consider paying for the membership again because:

1. I don't think she will stay straight; her entire family is completely disfunctional. She has a total of 12 criminal charges against her. She has been through rehab 3 times and always gone back to drugs.

2. she didn't show up the last time I paid for the club membership, she only showed 1/3 of her visits and of those visits half of the alloted time for the visit.

3. she refuses to pay child support, I have to take her court. She said "you're family makes enough money, they can pay for Lil Ms. X".

she has to work per her probation. She will have to pay for hair follicle tests, child support and the club membership. I already paid the 300.00 initiation fee, so she will only have to pay 60.00 a month. Facilitated visitation is like 25.00 an hour and she would have to pay that. The membership would save her money.

I will consider taking over the payments later if she can't afford them and if things work out positively and she proves she is trying this time, but no, initially I will not pay.

Her letter basically says she wants me back, she thinks about me everyday.... doesn't sound like it's all about the child...

 

[las365]

Her letter basically says she wants me back, she thinks about me everyday....

Well, I don't doubt that is true in that she's either having a rescue fantasy or hoping to manipulate you into providing financial assistance to get her out of trouble. Of course, in reality, she has to live with the consequences of her actions and she's the only one who can help herself.

I don't have any help to offer you on the legal front, so I'll bow out of the thread. Again, good luck to you and your little girl.

 

[Humusluvr]

right now she is too young to know that, later it would be a problem and I agree it would be damaging. When my ex saw her last, it is all drama, her entire family comes out and acts like they will never see her again, they all call and wave to her. They tell her right in front of me "you want mommy don't you".

My ex even uses toys and animals and tells our daughter "you can't have this, Daddy won't let you. You have to go with him, he's mean. He won't let you take the kitty." My ex's little sister (5yrs old) comes out to my car and says "X said you are mean and Lil Ms doesn't want to go with you".

I'm not going there again !!!

I've already spent 47+K on the custody battle, and I would not consider paying for the membership again because:

1. I don't think she will stay straight; her entire family is completely disfunctional. She has a total of 12 criminal charges against her. She has been through rehab 3 times and always gone back to drugs.

2. she didn't show up the last time I paid for the club membership, she only showed 1/3 of her visits and of those visits half of the alloted time for the visit.

3. she refuses to pay child support, I have to take her court. She said "you're family makes enough money, they can pay for Lil Ms. X".

she has to work per her probation. She will have to pay for hair follicle tests, child support and the club membership. I already paid the 300.00 initiation fee, so she will only have to pay 60.00 a month. Facilitated visitation is like 25.00 an hour and she would have to pay that. The membership would save her money.

I will consider taking over the payments later if she can't afford them and if things work out positively and she proves she is trying this time, but no, initially I will not pay.

Her letter basically says she wants me back, she thinks about me everyday.... doesn't sound like it's all about the child...

You sound like the male version of me.

I've been getting those letters for a while too. Never asks, "How's kiddo?" Just "I miss you baby." Arg.

I hope she gets it together and does the club. Sounds like you've provided her an opportunity that she would be a fool to miss.

And I know all about ex's family drama too. I've got some horrific emails from my ex's sister trying to stir up drama. His family lives for drama, and they create it themselves when there is none. I learned quickly to not read them, not go where they'll be, and to just have no contact. And they are all about emotional manipulation too.

I feel for you!!!!

 

[waitinMd]

thanks..

My entire goal is to let child see Mom without drugs/drama.

I am really scared this is all just going to start over again. I got a call from her father on Memorial Day, you would NOT believe that drama..... they leave messages on my phone... just can't take it!!

I'll have to see what happens at her "hearings".

 

[truebluemd]

thanks..

My entire goal is to let child see Mom without drugs/drama.

I am really scared this is all just going to start over again. I got a call from her father on Memorial Day, you would NOT believe that drama..... they leave messages on my phone... just can't take it!!

I'll have to see what happens at her "hearings".

how old is little Ms x and what county is your case in?

 

[waitinMd]

she is 2 and a half... Harford.

 

[truebluemd]

thanks..

My entire goal is to let child see Mom without drugs/drama.

I am really scared this is all just going to start over again. I got a call from her father on Memorial Day, you would NOT believe that drama..... they leave messages on my phone... just can't take it!!

I'll have to see what happens at her "hearings".

how old is little Ms x and what county is your case in?

 

[waitinMd]

how old is little Ms x and what county is your case in?

2.5 - harford

I have two more questions....

1. when doing the child support calculator.. it says about the NCP impoverishing themselves. I do NOT make the minimum wage times 40 hours a week. I am a full time student. I put in minimum wage for her, and my salary for me. Is that incorrect? Should I calculate it with both of us making minimum wage? Or mine with my salary and the remaining hours minimum wage?


2. she says in her letter she is filing for custody when she gets out, how does that work?

 

[LdiJ]

2.5 - harford

I have two more questions....

1. when doing the child support calculator.. it says about the NCP impoverishing themselve. I do NOT make the minimum wage times 40 hours a week. I am a full time student. I put in minimum wage for her, and my salary for me. Is that incorrect? Should I calculate it with both of us making minimum wage? Or mine with my salary and the remaining hours minimum wage?

You should impute her at minimum wage and impute yourself at your current salary times 40 hours per week.

2. she says in her letter she is filing for custody when she gets out, how does that work?

Someone whose visitation is currently suspended for due cause, and had supervised visitation prior to that, has no hope in heck of getting primary custody. She is certainly in denial if she thinks that she has any hope of that. She won't even get an attorney to take the case.

 

[waitinMd]

thank you, that is much relief to me. I am all for visitation and hopefully in the future she can have a relationship with our child that is not supervised.

Thanks again so much.

 

[janM]

If she is saying inappropriate things to your daughter, I would consider having her visits at a supervision center. I don't know if there is one near you, but I would check it out. I know that one of the YWCA's near us do them, and they go by a sliding fee scale. I'm sure they have lots of things for a toddler to do/play with, and depending on the level of supervision, they won't allow Mom to say those kinds of things. They'll terminate the visit if things get out of hand. I would worry about how "supervised" a fitness center is. Do you stay nearby?

An added benefit is that, if you go back to court for a review, the staff can testify as to Mom's behavior, good or bad. They also keep track of how often she visits or if she is late. You wouldn't have to have any interaction with Mom either.

There also wouldn't be the issue of all the relatives showing up.