letter from jail

[farmgirl_48732]

Not a legal answer.

I must say that you are one heck of alot better person than I am. Your X spouse has been given a plethera of chances by the court system. I don't care if she is your child's mother, she has brought nothing stable to your child. I would never agree to any visit that was not supervised period. She is hurting your child EVRY time she says those negative comments. You do not need this in your life, or your childs.

Only when she gets herself cleaned up and off drugs would I ever let her see her daughter. You can not help a person, that can not help themself.

I realize that this may come across as rude and harsh, but coming from a law enforcement background, I have no sympathy for people that are given chance after chance.

 

[waitinMd]

Only when she gets herself cleaned up and off drugs would I ever let her see her daughter. You can not help a person, that can not help themself.
I realize that this may come across as rude and harsh, but coming from a law enforcement background, I have no sympathy for people that are given chance after chance.

Judges don't feel that way, typically. My judge finally got tired of her. It won't be my decision to 'let' her see our child or not if we go back to court, the judge will decide where, when....

I hope it can be worked out without going back to court right now.

Her Mom called a few minutes ago.... my ex was 'forced' to write the letter to me. It is part of the 12 step they have her in while in jail. It was supposed to be an apology letter!

 

[wileybunch]

Her Mom called a few minutes ago.... my ex was 'forced' to write the letter to me. It is part of the 12 step they have her in while in jail. It was supposed to be an apology letter!

Fantastic! So does that make her on step -3? Or is it -4?

 

[fairisfair]

I would trust her as far as I could throw her.

no, wait, half as far as I could throw her.

And I disagree with not complying with the type of visitation ordered by the court.

It could well be interpreted in a manner NOT in your favor by a judge.

That is why they CALL them court orders.

Yeah, it's all good and well to be nice and reasonable, til mom shows up drunk or high at the gym for one of the meetings with the child, or steals money outta the membership desk...or maybe violates her probation again and gets picked up there, in front of junior(ette)**************.

but then again...I am such a pessimist.

 

[waitinMd]

I would trust her as far as I could throw her.

no, wait, half as far as I could throw her.

at this point I think I could throw pretty far....

And I disagree with not complying with the type of visitation ordered by the court.

It could well be interpreted in a manner NOT in your favor by a judge.

That is why they CALL them court orders.

And what you said is exactly what I am afaid of. I think her whole thing is not having to go before the judge. Frankly, I don't blame her.

Fantastic! So does that make her on step -3? Or is it -4?

I think this is -12.... but whose counting

 

[truebluemd]

at this point I think I could throw pretty far....



And what you said is exactly what I am afaid of. I think her whole thing is not having to go before the judge. Frankly, I don't blame her.




I think this is -12.... but whose counting

yep she seems untrustworthy, but just stick to whats in the order and do no more, because its no telling how it would be used against you, as in my case. how long has the little one been in your custody?

 

[waitinMd]

I have had her for 16 months with ex getting supervised visitation. She didn't see her at all from Feb 2007 until May 2008, and then skipped most of the summer visits. Now hasn't see her since Jan 2008.

Right now there is NOT a court order. For her to get visitation, we'd either have to agree or go to court. The judge said she WILL get faciliatated and that she would have to file for it, and prove to the court she is clean. The only way you can get facilitated in our county is by an order signed by the judge.

I am anticipating her getting out and asked the forum should I set something up or make her file per what the judge said. Her 'step' program according to our judge was..
facilitated, then supervised but NOT by any of her family members.

 

[Humusluvr]

I have had her for 16 months with ex getting supervised visitation. She didn't see her at all from Feb 2007 until May 2008, and then skipped most of the summer visits. Now hasn't see her since Jan 2008.

I think you mean May 2007. We're in May 2008. or just were.

Right now there is NOT a court order. For her to get visitation, we'd either have to agree or go to court. The judge said she WILL get faciliatated and that she would have to file for it, and prove to the court she is clean. The only way you can get facilitated in our county is by an order signed by the judge.

I think you need to let her file.

With all the potential drama, and things that could go wrong (I'm thinking there is no security at the gym, so her family could show up, she could be drunk, she could try something stupid out of desperation...) its best to follow what the judge says, so as not to hurt YOURSELF. We all applaud you for facilitating, but no one wants to see your custody affected because you were trying to do the right thing.

I am anticipating her getting out and asked the forum should I set something up or make her file per what the judge said. Her 'step' program according to our judge was..
facilitated, then supervised but NOT by any of her family members.

How soon after she gets out do you think she'll be back in? It sounds like she is on track to get thrown right back in. Maybe this is all a mute point.

 

[GrandmaOH]

I think you are on the verge of the line between facilitating a relationship between your daughter and her mother, and enabling mom's bad behavior. The court obviously recognizes she should be supervised & drug tested, let the court do their work, and make mom answer to the court to get visitation back. Anything less and you will be excusing her bad behavior, not an example you want your daughter to grow up with, is it?

 

[waitinMd]

I just wrote my atty a letter informing him she is in jail.

I guess I can offer her what the judge said she will get. I think she would agree because she knows the judge would order it anyway, plus she was told any more Shenanigans, she can pay all my legal fees.

the letter was definately "coached". I can tell because she can't spell, and there are no misspelled words. I called the BCDC and they confirmed the 12 step program makes them write letters of apology to those they have hurt.

I am not sure what reasonable would be? And I wonder how long facilitated visitation usually is? Plus, I guess it all depends on the outcome of her hearings. I don't know if OhioGal or CC can give insight on what happens when you repeatedly violate probation, and have multiple FTA's. But once again, it all depends on the Judge.

I will not be taking our child to the visitations, one of my family members will be doing that. I hope that will keep the drama to a minimum.


Thank you for all your advice. I will let you know what happens.

 

[milspecgirl]

stick with the professional facility. They have plenty of things for kids to do at all ages and are under strict guidelines. If a parent acts wrong, says something wrong, child gets upset, etc- they end the visit immediately. No one else will be allowed to visit unless court ordered or under your OK. They are very strict. Indigents normally don't have to pay. They are trained to supervise these types of visits. You will not even see her. You will come in 1 area- the child will go with the supervisor to another area where mom is. You will never see each other- that is one of the rules.
We were in this same position for 13 years. Mom bounced in and out supervised, etc. Eventually we were able to terminate and I am adopting her. The 1st thing you have to do is think of the child. At this age- it is easier. When they are over 5- you show up and mom doesn't- again, and again, and again. makes promises and breaks them over and over- the child is affected. They believe they are not worthy of their moms love. Eventually mom will have to prove herself before even being allowed visits again.

 

[fairisfair]

You should allow her to see the child supervised by either yourself or one of your family members. Not EVERYTHING needs to be litigated just yet. You already have sole custody. If she wants more that you're willing to give (while you are being reasonable) let her file for it, but why not just let her see the kid on your (reasonable) terms.

Note: my advice isn't for those who are irrational, unreasonable immature individuals.

apparently.....grin....that would be ME!!!

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

apparently.....grin....that would be ME!!!

Perish the thought!

 

[fairisfair]

Perish the thought!

hey!! I am all those things AND a dfg.