lifetime alimony?

[ICUB4ER]

I live in Kansas, am 41 years old, and will have been married 15 years by the time we get to our settlement conference. I have been a stay at home mom the entire marriage. I have been diagnosed with cluster migraines, degenerative joint disease, and rhumatoid arthritis of the spine.
I am unable to sit or stand for more than 15-20 minutes at a time, I am unable to lift/bend/twist/stretch, or reach without pain. I am taking prescription pain medication so I can function daily.
I applied for ssdi on the suggestion of my doctor, but was denied due to not having any work credits. What, if any effect will this have on my receiving alimony? Would I possibly qualify for lifetime alimony?
Do I need to get statements/letters from my doctor before the settlement conference date to assist the court in determining the ammount and duration of any alimony?
Will my condition have any effect on determining custody? Since my condition arose during the marriage, is there any way my stbx can be required to continue to provide health insurance for me?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

I live in Kansas, am 41 years old, and will have been married 15 years by the time we get to our settlement conference. I have been a stay at home mom the entire marriage. I have been diagnosed with cluster migraines, degenerative joint disease, and rhumatoid arthritis of the spine.
I am unable to sit or stand for more than 15-20 minutes at a time, I am unable to lift/bend/twist/stretch, or reach without pain. I am taking prescription pain medication so I can function daily.
I applied for ssdi on the suggestion of my doctor, but was denied due to not having any work credits. What, if any effect will this have on my receiving alimony? Would I possibly qualify for lifetime alimony?
Do I need to get statements/letters from my doctor before the settlement conference date to assist the court in determining the ammount and duration of any alimony?
Will my condition have any effect on determining custody? Since my condition arose during the marriage, is there any way my stbx can be required to continue to provide health insurance for me?

Your condition, may in fact effect custody.

Alimony is a different story. It depends on how long you were married, and Ya Da Ya Da YaDa.

(QUOTE)I am unable to sit or stand for more than 15-20 minutes at a time, I am unable to lift/bend/twist/stretch, or reach without pain. (QUOTE)

And this is life threatening? You will never be able to support yourself?

 

[decor04]

ok, I just had to respond!

Are we one and they same? I am 41 and have arthritis and a immune defect. I have 4 kids 2 grown and was married for 19 years. Never worked or paid in to social security either. I did get lifetime alimony, however, I was stupid and married again. You loose your alimony when you remarry. Now, if my new marriage ends,I will get nothing since it would be a short term marriage. My advice? Get lifetime support and NEVER get remarried. In our condition, its just not worth it. If I get divorced again,I am out in the cold with no means of support. BTW you can get ssi, its different. ssdi is if you have worked and paid in and is run by your state and SSI is run by the federal gov. You dont qualify by working, if you disabled you can get it. However its only about $800 a month and you can have NO assets or money. I have equity from our home so I did not qualify.

Also, You wont loose custody because you are ill. Geez, ya think a judge would rip a child from there home because you are ill? If that happened, the world would really go to hell. They might ask if you can care for your children but as I stated I can and when I am not well, I rest or get help from my folks. I hope this helps

 

[stealth2]

Also, You wont loose custody because you are ill. Geez, ya think a judge would rip a child from there home because you are ill? If that happened, the world would really go to hell. They might ask if you can care for your children but as I stated I can and when I am not well, I rest or get help from my folks. I hope this helps

That will be up to the judge. The children have two parents, and the judge gets to decide which of the two can better care for the kids. OP's physical problems will obviously be taken into consideration when making that decision.

 

[Bali Hai]

Are we one and they same? I am 41 and have arthritis and a immune defect. I have 4 kids 2 grown and was married for 19 years. Never worked or paid in to social security either. I did get lifetime alimony, however, I was stupid and married again. You loose your alimony when you remarry.

It's surprising that you didn't know that.

Now, if my new marriage ends,I will get nothing since it would be a short term marriage. My advice? Get lifetime support and NEVER get remarried.

That's the common theme among alimony bilkers.

In our condition, its just not worth it. If I get divorced again,I am out in the cold with no means of support. BTW you can get ssi, its different. ssdi is if you have worked and paid in and is run by your state and SSI is run by the federal gov. You dont qualify by working, if you disabled you can get it. However its only about $800 a month and you can have NO assets or money. I have equity from our home so I did not qualify.

Isn't it amazing that the state won't take care of you for the rest of your life, but that very state enacted laws to force your ex to work himself to death doing it.

Also, You wont loose custody because you are ill. Geez, ya think a judge would rip a child from there home because you are ill? If that happened, the world would really go to hell. They might ask if you can care for your children but as I stated I can and when I am not well, I rest or get help from my folks. I hope this helps

And just what is that supposed to mean?

 

[decor04]

And just what is that supposed to mean?

What I was trying to say, is just because I am disabled does NOT mean i am not the best parent to have custody and the courts agreed.

You know, I have a genetic immune problem and I am sure that there are people who lie and take advantage. I was born with my condition and frankly have lived longer than anyone with my condition. My DRs think I have less the 5 years at this point to live.I provide support for my children from the equity from my house I have owned in California for the past 20years.I pay my part and more. The mortgage alone is $2500 how much do you think his child support of $600 goes? I cant even get insurance due to my disability. I have to live the rest on my life on my equity income. I get hospitalized again , I am wipped out and on the streets. Is that fair?Maybe I should give my child to my ex then I could be the disneyland parent for once but I love my children to much to do that. Please live with my illness for a day.

 

[VeronicaGia]

My DRs think I have less the 5 years at this point to live.I provide support for my children from the equity from my house I have owned in California for the past 20years.I pay my part and more. The mortgage alone is $2500 how much do you think his child support of $600 goes? I cant even get insurance due to my disability. I have to live the rest on my life on my equity income. I get hospitalized again , I am wipped out and on the streets. Is that fair?Maybe I should give my child to my ex then I could be the disneyland parent for once but I love my children to much to do that. Please live with my illness for a day.

Is it fair that your ex husband, someone no longer related to you in any way, should have to pay for you for the rest of your life? How is that fair? What's in it for him? Would it be fair for you to pay him for the rest of your life?

As far as your question about health insurance, most employers and insurance companies will not allow a person to cover someone who is no longer related, which is as it should be. A court order will not overrule that, since employer policies and insurance company policies are in place for a reason. They are there to cover employees and their dependents, not ex wives, ex step children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins or anyone else.


Edit: And one more thing. What if he moves, falls of the face of the earth or dies? Who will support you then? Never depend on alimony.

 

[ceara19]

What I was trying to say, is just because I am disabled does NOT mean i am not the best parent to have custody and the courts agreed.

You know, I have a genetic immune problem and I am sure that there are people who lie and take advantage. I was born with my condition and frankly have lived longer than anyone with my condition. My DRs think I have less the 5 years at this point to live.I provide support for my children from the equity from my house I have owned in California for the past 20years.I pay my part and more. The mortgage alone is $2500 how much do you think his child support of $600 goes? I cant even get insurance due to my disability. I have to live the rest on my life on my equity income. I get hospitalized again , I am wipped out and on the streets. Is that fair?Maybe I should give my child to my ex then I could be the disneyland parent for once but I love my children to much to do that. Please live with my illness for a day.

If you only have 5 years to live and you have 20 years of equity in your house, with a $2500/mo payment, you might want to consider moving somewhere less expensive. With the money you get from selling the house, you could be a disneyland parent everyday and build alot of really good memories with your kids that they can carry with them once you are gone.

 

[decor04]

If you only have 5 years to live and you have 20 years of equity in your house, with a $2500/mo payment, you might want to consider moving somewhere less expensive. With the money you get from selling the house, you could be a disneyland parent everyday and build alot of really good memories with your kids that they can carry with them once you are gone.

Guess you have never been to California. $2500 mo buys you a 900sf condo apartments where i live are $1800 for a 2 bedroom and no tax deduction that i need do to the taxes I pay on the interest income,do you think I should sell it and move the kids to the streets? I cant get much lower then how I am living compared to my former life

 

[decor04]

Is it fair that your ex husband, someone no longer related to you in any way, should have to pay for you for the rest of your life? How is that fair? What's in it for him? Would it be fair for you to pay him for the rest of your life?

As far as your question about health insurance, most employers and insurance companies will not allow a person to cover someone who is no longer related, which is as it should be. A court order will not overrule that, since employer policies and insurance company policies are in place for a reason. They are there to cover employees and their dependents, not ex wives, ex step children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins or anyone else.


Edit: And one more thing. What if he moves, falls of the face of the earth or dies? Who will support you then? Never depend on alimony.

Well I am no longer on alimony. I was just answering the above poster based on my experiances but let me ask you?Do you think it fair , that a 25yo man gets pregnant a 17 yo girl ,insists she has for kids for him and not work for 20 years, then when she gets ill he throws her out so he can go screw a younger girl with a tight bod and no kids ? and then leaves her no means of support due to her disability??

 

[Bali Hai]

Guess you have never been to California. $2500 mo buys you a 900sf condo apartments where i live are $1800 for a 2 bedroom and no tax deduction that i need do to the taxes I pay on the interest income,do you think I should sell it and move the kids to the streets? I cant get much lower then how I am living compared to my former life

OP lives in Kansas, not Hollywood where many of these screwed up matrimonial laws are conceived.

 

[decor04]

OP lives in Kansas, not Hollywood where many of these screwed up matrimonial laws are conceived.

Ok, I will give ya that. From a 2mil house to a 900sf condo still sucks. With little time left on this earth, lifetime support is not that long for giving up 20years and my entire childhood. Without alimony laws, it would give every guy the right to make promises and dreams to ya,then when a cute young thing came alone throw you on the street. Geez 4 kids ,20 years and a disability and you think men should be allowed to just toss us to the street when they want to sew there oats again.

 

[stealth2]

And none of that has any bearing on OP's situation. She's not you, she doesn't live in your state, etc. You made a completely misinformed statement about OP's illness having no bearing on her custody situation when, in fact, it very well may.

If you want to discuss your situation and it's merits, start your own thread for it.

 

[tigger22472]

?

As far as your question about health insurance, most employers and insurance companies will not allow a person to cover someone who is no longer related, which is as it should be. A court order will not overrule that, since employer policies and insurance company policies are in place for a reason. They are there to cover employees and their dependents, not ex wives, ex step children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins or anyone else.

Actually this is possible... but not the way the OP would like it The Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (COBRA) is a federal law that lets a non-employee spouse continue coverage for a period of 3 years as long as the non-employee spouse pays the premium.

If the OP were to get alimony she could be required to pay the premium out of that.

I am with Stealth and others on this as far as custody goes. The medical condition will be taken into consideration as far as custody and it will be up to a judge. If the illness is such that the children will be spending a lot of their time caring for and helping the parent rather than being able to lead a normal productive life of a child/teenager, this will be considered.