Limiting Phone Calls to 5 Minutes!

[great_ideas]

**A: it is perfectly legal for you to buy and pay for a cell phone for her. An Iphone may be nice.

When she lived with me she had a cell phone, but her dad would not allow her to use it at his house. He took it when she arrived, and put it back in her bag when she left. She complained about it. I told her dad that even if he didn't want her to have it the whole time she was there I had bought it, and she could call me for free on it. He's long distancefrom my house, and I am from his, but the phone was cheap, I added only a few minutes at a time in case it was lost.

She needs to get this address as part of a court order. If dad is as controlling as he sounds, he'll confiscate the phone.

As for the control part, he is unreasonably insecure in himself. He must cage all around him cuz otherwise they might leave.

You hit the nail on the head.

Why are you calling her every day? And why do you assume DD is upset with Dad's limitations vs. your calling and interrupting her time there? And, don't ask her -- she may well feel like she has to protect your feelings which isn't a fair position to put her in.

I have 2 9yo's and I think it's unfair to call them every day when they are with their dad. They should be allowed to go with his flow when they are with him and not be tethered back to the mother ship. If they are with him for a weekend, I won't call. If they were with him 4 or 5 days, I may call once.

I don't call every single day. My daughter asked me to call her everyday, and usually her dad isn't home. He has changed jobs several times this year, and works afternoons most of the time. If I know dad is home with her for the weekend I usually don't call. There have been nights where I haven't called when she calls me late at night asking if I am okay, because I didn't call her.

I know that she is upset with his time limit and not my calls, because she told me that she is upset with her dad. Her dad and stepmom set a timer when we are on the phone. She also has to hand the phone to one of them when hanging up so they can see the time display! This is about dad's need to control everything.

Wiley, it depends on various relationships. In this case, she is the NCP and they want to talk to each other. I know of various people here on the forum who have it in their decree that they can talk daily.

If dad has been very limiting on access, they you take what you can get.

Dad told our daughter several months ago that he is tired of playing nice, that he is going to make me pay... I don't know what I'm paying for.... leaving him? Seriously, I don't know, and I am upset that he talks about things he shouldn't in front of our daughter.

Cosign... When The Child is spending time at my parents' house for a week, I may call once or twice. I call to make sure they've picked her up at the school on Fridays if that's the plan, but other than that, it's unusual for me to call her over a weekend.

I don't call everyday. I talk to my mother everyday.... My husband talks to his mom and dad everyday. I talk to my sisters almost everyday.

I agree...however there is a small chance that this has something to do with "minutes" if dad doesn't have a land line...or even that he is just a control freak about the usage of his "minutes".

Actually, dad ONLY has a landline. If it was a cell phone I'd ask him about free times, early minutes, or buying our daughter a phone on the plan with minutes. I call mostly on my cell phone.

OMG! I must spend my life on the phone! Is there a 12 step program somewhere? I know, how about a hotline I can call, because I'd feel more comfortable talking to them over the phone about my problem! (I couldn't resist after I read what I had written)

 

[haiku]

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with a short daily phone call. But I don't think you should expect the child to be available every day for it. And it also depends on how the child handles the contact.

We have an overbearing CP who is even worse now with the advent of the cell phone. she calls my youngest step when we have them for our monthly visit 4 or 5 times a day. And the child is always in a foul mood afterwards.. It is at the point where yes, I can see my husband removing the phone while the child is with us....

Now on the other side of the spectrum, my husband likes to call his children during the weeks he doesn't see them. But the CP was making contact difficult. During a hearing for visitation contempt. the phone contact was brought up, and a half hour phone call time every thursday, make up day on friday. was made part of the order, after an hour mediation of mom trying to figure out when the kids could be available to take the call. My husband could call the kids any other time he wanted within reason, BUT the thursday phone call was called "phone visitation" in the order, and had to be strictly adhered to, by the CP.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My X can call my daughter whenever on the landline. Don't care. If it's my minutes on the cell, then I ask her to limit them during the week. Weekends, don't care. When she makes a call, I swear she has to talk to 5-6 different people on the same connection. She calls whenever the mood strikes. It could be twice in the same week; other times, it can be 3-4 weeks between calls (depends on how much is happening.)

This summer, we went to emailing cuz dad only has a cellphone and he was working afternoons. I work days so emailing was better. (SweetPea is with dad in the summer.)

What matters most is that there is communication. I think that dad is obstructing COMMUNICATION. That is what OP can get him on. Don't think she would get him on contempt because he is allowing phone calls.

 

[LdiJ]

My X can call my daughter whenever on the landline. Don't care. If it's my minutes on the cell, then I ask her to limit them during the week. Weekends, don't care. When she makes a call, I swear she has to talk to 5-6 different people on the same connection. She calls whenever the mood strikes. It could be twice in the same week; other times, it can be 3-4 weeks between calls (depends on how much is happening.)

This summer, we went to emailing cuz dad only has a cellphone and he was working afternoons. I work days so emailing was better. (SweetPea is with dad in the summer.)

What matters most is that there is communication. I think that dad is obstructing COMMUNICATION. That is what OP can get him on. Don't think she would get him on contempt because he is allowing phone calls.

She actually could get him in contempt in Indiana. The ITPG are very specific that there is to be no hindering of communication between parents and children, as long as phone calls are reasonable in length and frequency.

I don't know of any Indiana situation where a judge considered once a day to be unreasonable, or limiting a call to 5 minutes to be reasonable. I have seen many, many Indiana judges rip new ones for parents who tried to unreasonably limit phone contact.

Anyone who is interested might want to read through the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines...they pop up on google right at the top.

 

[Sens55]

I know every situation is different. But my ex got rid of her landline phone and then tried the "we don't have enough minutes for you to talk or text thing". So I bought my son a phone. It was a plan that we could talk unlimited and the minutes didn't count (Sprint PCS to PCS). That ended that. After that I could call anytime or text anytime within reason, i.e. before 9 pm or after 7. But I'd usually catch him at 3:30 when he got home from school and she wasn't home yet so we could talk unimpeded

Good luck with that. I know it's frustrating.

 

[great_ideas]

I only want to talk to our daughter because I miss her, and want to hear about her day. I called last night at my usual time and no one answered the phone. I called again an hour later, and my daughter answered. They had been home all night. (She voluntered that, I did not ask.) She was waiting for me to call her. We talked for 10 minutes before her dad started complaining. I have her from after school tomorrow until Sunday evening. Dad's house is an hour away from me, so it is a 2 hour trip for me to take her to school and pick her up. Thank God for my husband. He picks her up when he can.

I am considering filing contempt about the phone calls.

 

[thedoctorisin]

I am considering filing contempt about the phone calls.

I tried something along these lines a while back, in Virginia. The judge told me that I needed to file both a Show Cause (for contempt) and a Motion To Amend (to change the court order to explicitly specify the length allowed for the phone call).

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I was thinking about your case after I received my daughter's 5-minute phone call when she arrived home from school. She calls everyday when she gets home to let me know that she has arrived safely AND to tell me about her day.

Can she call you earlier in the day so that dad's not getting all bent? I realize that you are long-distance, but can you provide a calling card so that you are paying the long-distance calls?

 

[tuffbrk]

She shouldn't have to use a calling card - she purchase and provided a cell phone to eliminate costs. If Dad tries to use expense as an excuse, she's already covered it.

 

[great_ideas]

I was thinking about your case after I received my daughter's 5-minute phone call when she arrived home from school. She calls everyday when she gets home to let me know that she has arrived safely AND to tell me about her day.

Can she call you earlier in the day so that dad's not getting all bent? I realize that you are long-distance, but can you provide a calling card so that you are paying the long-distance calls?

I would love to do something like that, but her dad will not allow her to have a calling card or a cell phone. I have tried doing that in the past. If he would let her have the Tracphone and she would charge it then I could refill the minutes online and not worry about it, but her dad is being impossible.

I tried something along these lines a while back, in Virginia. The judge told me that I needed to file both a Show Cause (for contempt) and a Motion To Amend (to change the court order to explicitly specify the length allowed for the phone call).

Thank you for that helpful advice. I did not know that. I am going to be doing this on my own now, because I cannot afford an attorney any longer.

I am considering filing for a modification of custody. I posted another thread asking if I have enough to do that. Aside from the phone call difficulties my daughter is not doing well in school this year. When she moved to her dad's she was reading above grade level. Now she is reading at a second grade level in 3rd grade. There are other things... Please read that post for details.

Thank You