Love of his life

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state? New York

LdiJ
Posts: 22,175

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bali Hai
That's my point Bored. I want single men who might be reading this forum NOT to make the same foolish mistake that I did!!

LdiJ wrote:

And if those single men were foolish enough to listen to you, then they might end up like my brother.

He lived with the love of his life for 12 years....but he wouldn't get married and have kids because he was so worried about his "stuff"....and honestly, he had/has some fairly significant "stuff".

So, when she felt her biological clock ticking and decided that she was running out of time, she told him, "either we get married and start a family, or I am walking"....she ended up walking.

Now why do you suppose she wanted to enter a civil contract?? She could have certainly did everything she wanted when she felt her biological clock ticking without that contract.

Now, not only did he lose the love of his life...and bitterly regrets it, but he also has faced some serious financial reverses and is coming very close to losing all of his "stuff".

She made decent money and if they had stayed together and married, his "stuff" probably wouldn't be at risk now....they probably could have worked together to maintain the "stuff".

However that's not the biggie...the biggie is that he lost the love of his life...the biggie is that he was so scared of losing his "stuff" that he couldn't embrace "life".

Sorry but I don't agree that "embracing life" means you have to stick you neck out.

The irony is that now he is probably going to lose his "stuff" anyway.

So yeah Bali....lets all convince those single guys to live my brother's example....

********

"Losing the love of his life" is pie in the sky mentality. There are many fish in the sea, so let that one go and get on with life.

As CJane said, you better know what your getting into and get prenups into place. My view is why bother with that crap when it may be worthless anyway. Simply DON'T GET MARRIED BECAUSE IT AIN'T WORTH IT.

 

[tuffbrk]

Way too general of a statement, Bali. Based on your personal opinion due to your experiences. I've advised the young adults in my family that as soon as they say "I'm engaged" - they can expect to share a very long dinner with me so that I can make them aware of the legal responsibilities they are unknowingly accepting ...or at least the marriage license application I filled out didn't come with any disclosures! Maybe now they do..

As for me personally though? Goldie Hawn is my idol - she has no interest whatsoever in marrying Kurt!

 

[Bali Hai]

Way too general of a statement, Bali. Based on your personal opinion due to your experiences.

Which statement are you referring to??

I've advised the young adults in my family that as soon as they say "I'm engaged" - they can expect to share a very long dinner with me so that I can make them aware of the legal responsibilities they are unknowingly accepting

Horsesh!t! You have to take them down into the bowls of divorce proceedings....Munching on a lobster claw just doesn't cut it!!

...or at least the marriage license application I filled out didn't come with any disclosures! Maybe now they do..

They don't...FOR A REASON!!

As for me personally though? Goldie Hawn is my idol - she has no interest whatsoever in marrying Kurt!

Who the hell cares....

 

[fairisfair]

Who the hell cares....

you did. . . . enough to answer.

 

[nextwife]

Tonight I'm attending an anniversary party for our friends: FORTY years.

They BOTH shared caregiving, they both shared somewhat comparable income contributions to the financial well-being of the family. All their "stuff" was accumulated together. Al significant decision making was shared.

And most importantly, they gave themselves ten years of married life together BEFORE proceeding to start a family, so they already knew each other well..

I also attended a funeral about a week ago: they were a very active couple, married fifty years, who raised four very accomplished children. She was a SAHM for some years, but, instead of continuing to stay home once her youngest was in school all day, she went back to college (at about 40) and got a law degree. Now she is a financially independent woman. This ridiculous idea that a middle aged woman has no ability to develop job skills, or to compete in the job market is an INSULT to women. I know plenty or men and women my age who have had to change career directions, due to changes in the marketplace. If we can all do it, why can't a SAHM also learn new job skills, just like us? Unless someone is elderly or infirm, lifetime alimony makes no sense.

 

[LdiJ]

Tonight I'm attending an anniversary party for our friends: FORTY years.

They BOTH shared caregiving, they both shared somewhat comparable income contributions to the financial well-being of the family. All their "stuff" was accumulated together. Al significant decision making was shared.

And most importantly, they gave themselves ten years of married life together BEFORE proceeding to start a family, so they already knew each other well..

I also attended a funeral about a week ago: they were a very active couple, married fifty years, who raised four very accomplished children. She was a SAHM for some years, but, instead of continuing to stay home once her youngest was in school all day, she went back to college (at about 40) and got a law degree. Now she is a financially independent woman. This ridiculous idea that a middle aged woman has no ability to develop job skills, or to compete in the job market is an INSULT to women. I know plenty or men and women my age who have had to change career directions, due to changes in the marketplace. If we can all do it, why can't a SAHM also learn new job skills, just like us? Unless someone is elderly or infirm, lifetime alimony makes no sense.

That wasn't what this thread was about. I don't know why Bali felt compelled to start a new thread...but this was about his attitude that men should avoid marriage at all costs....and my giving him an example of a man who was so worried about his "stuff"...that he lost the love of his life....after being together for many years.

See, my brother's ex girlfriend was one of the women who was trying to do it the way that you think it should be done. She got an education, developed a career, and didn't want to have children until she was settled in a stable marriage.

 

[Bali Hai]

That wasn't what this thread was about. I don't know why Bali felt compelled to start a new thread...

I started a new thread because you told your story about your brother in the last one and then closed the thread before I could respond.

but this was about his attitude that men should avoid marriage at all costs....and my giving him an example of a man who was so worried about his "stuff"...that he lost the love of his life....after being together for many years.

See, my brother's ex girlfriend was one of the women who was trying to do it the way that you think it should be done. She got an education, developed a career, and didn't want to have children until she was settled in a stable marriage.

You mean she didn't want to take on that responsibility without having a civil contract with which she could ring your brothers neck if he got what she thought was out of line.

 

[nextwife]

If women first delelope their own careers, and are willing to acquire their own stuff while they do, and to share caregiving and financial responsibility, the presence or absence of a marriage or civil union shouldn't change much legally, as to what would happen if the relationship ended.

 

[Bali Hai]

If women first delelope their own careers, and are willing to acquire their own stuff while they do, and to share caregiving and financial responsibility, the presence or absence of a marriage or civil union shouldn't change much legally, as to what would happen if the relationship ended.

I tried to make that point in the thread that LdiJ shut down, but everyone thought there was a big difference if a civil contract (legal marriage) was in place.

 

[LdiJ]

If women first delelope their own careers, and are willing to acquire their own stuff while they do, and to share caregiving and financial responsibility, the presence or absence of a marriage or civil union shouldn't change much legally, as to what would happen if the relationship ended.

Well, that is very contradictory to what you have said in the past. In the past you have always emphasized that people should not have children unless they are in a stable, long term, marriage.

 

[LdiJ]

I tried to make that point in the thread that LdiJ shut down, but everyone thought there was a big difference if a civil contract (legal marriage) was in place.

I didn't shut the thread down Bali. Mary did.

 

[Bali Hai]

I didn't shut the thread down Bali. Mary did.

Why did you do that Mary??? And we would prefer NOT to hear; "because I have the discretion to do that".