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mediation in a week-advice>?

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dad43

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? florida

i've got mediation the 3rd...to make a permanent order for cs for my son. our original temp order addressed back support, and now my ex is saying she never agreed to the order and that it didn't inclue back pay. i had to scan it into the computer, and email it to her, using "Word" to highlight the part about back pay, how much extra is to be added to support for the back pay, as well as her signature...

with my arrearage payment, i do pay about 250 less than the state says, but that's because my health insurance is free for myself, but if i add children, it becomes a group plan, and it's 421/mo...BUT my wife carries our son on her BC/BS, and my daughters mom carries hers as well as a state card. so, armed with the fact that i pay 421 for insurance for 1 child, as well as the fact that i pay 750/month, AND have the reciepts where the wife bought him school clothes, shoes and supplies, i thought i'd be somewhat covered, as well as the fact they didn't take out my fed taxes, or child support for my daughter

. but, she is saying she wants the guideline 1065, PLUS me to carry the 400 in insurance, and to split the copays/deductables, AND contribute to half his expenses for school(which, so far, has been nothing. he's in kindergarten, what else can there be?)...she also originally agreed on paper, that if i/my wife came all the way to florida to pick my son up, she'd come to tx to take him home. well, the 1st time we got him in tx for christmas, we met halfway(we were on our way to KY to see my daughter). for spring break, my wife picked him up and took him back the entire distance(and she used it to see her dad, whom she hadn't seen in about 6 years ;))...well, the ex had to come and get him the end of summer, b/c i was offshore, and the wife started working, and not only couldn't go to fla, she couldn't meet halfway(i've been home most the summer, i left 2 days before son was supposed to be picked up)...during the time my son was here, the ex got 1350 in child support and he wasn't with her. but she says she cannot afford to come out here and get him, and that we need to get him and bring him back. also, because of my daughter being in KY, i suggested EOH, rather than half the holiday(picking him up xmas night, taking home jan 2nd)...and she said no, there was no way she was ever going to give up a whole xmas vacation. also, she's not keeping up with the "legal" custody part, she hasn't informed me of his school, his daycare anything...also, what is first rights of refusal? she did tell me she put him in a montessori after school, rather than her mom watching him(i have another post, where she said her mom didn't watch him)
i mean, i'm fairly scared....i wasn't able to get the date changed, or the location(her atty's office), and now i'm walking into fire of "guideline, guideline"...she's also told me her income dropped again(for the 3rd time since mediation last november)...AND, she's moved for the 3rd time since mediation. she says now that she left her husband, that she needs the guideline amount, because he won't be splitting household bills anymore...at guideline rate, i'd be paying $1486 PLUS, half of whatever it is she says he needs, and that doesn't include copays...i've tried calculators, and i keep getting only $703, but her lawyer says that's wrong(even though the mediator got 851)...

can anyone advise me here? oh and even better, since i am an offshore employee, my boss gave me a call earlier, saying he knows that i have to leave next tuesday(13 hr drive), BUT that if i have to keep leaving in the middle of a major hitch(i'm offshore now, they're sending a chopper for me monday, because our job isn't scheduled to be done until sept 10, and they'll have to send a chopper back for me)....well, they've more or less said if i keep asking for time off during the high season(and that i'm leaving state, which means i'm 99% "unflyable"), that they'll have to let me go...AND my wife recieved a letter today, stating if my arrears aren't paid off by january 1st, my passport will be suspended, which also gets me fired, because some of our work occurs in mexico, and i'm slated for a 6 month job in norway come february...can i ask her that if i pay a little more(but not 1500!), that maybe she'll knock the arrearages down to an amount that i could borrow against the 401k and pay off to retain my passport? JIC i get fired, i asked the foremen for the 2 companies out here with us now, and they say their companies require a passport also...BUT if i lower my income(which would be a given, since about 2/3 of my income is from offshore hitches), i'll still be paying the amount, b/c i'm "voluntarily" underemeployed....argh, help anyone? sorry this is long...but i'd rather one long post, than several broken ones, that are spread out and any you all!
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
Take a loan from your 401k and pay off the arrearages...you cannot afford to risk your passport.

I also think that you cannot afford not to have an attorney. An attorney would be able to represent you when you are offshore.

In the alternative, if a court date or mediation is scheduled for while you are offshore, then you either ask to appear telephonically (if that is possible when you are offshore) or you ask for a continuance because you are or will be offshore and cannot attend.

Also, it would be MUCH cheaper for you to buy private insurance for your child than to pay 400.00 through work. Get some quotes online.

Find the child support guidelines for your state (don't rely on an online calculator unless its an official one) and run the numbers yourself to take to court or mediation.
 

dad43

Member
i don't have $ for an attorney...hell i have a judgement from the last one for
5k apparently...and with my offshore shift, i can't be on a phone for hours arguing something we have 5 men per crew, and each man has a job which means that while i'm on the phone, our work can't be done(which would then pretty much cause me to be fired on spot-or our company to be sent home for work not being done as contracted)...i've already borrowed against my 401k to pay other things, incl. a payment to the lawyer, and another payment to her that i apparently missed at some time(idk when it was, but i did learn i was behind for 2 payments, rather than 1)...

also, even if i wanted to take the loan out, i cannot...#1, i borrowed 3k 2 months ago...#2, i only have about 5k in it now(thanks to a loss urgh)...

even though i was asking about advice for the mediation itself, thanks for the suggestions ;)
 

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