modification of visitation

[sugarj]

What is the name of your state? NC
I have a situation with my ex concerning a modification of visitation. Ex resides in NC (where divorce, parenting agreement and CS were filed). I reside in SC. We have been divorced for over 2 years. Currently, kids live with him and new wife the majority of the year (this flip/flops in about a year and a half as per parenting agreement.) He has informed me that he has consulted an attorney and is petitioning for a modification of visitation. He didn't tell me everything that he is petitioning to change but among those are: me not taking the kids on overnight trips, no staying in hotels, having my family members verify that the kids and I sleep where he decides, etc. None of this is restricted under the current parenting agreement. When he informed me of this he also stated that he and new wife would be monitoring all phone calls between me and the kids, that he refused to allow me to pick up the kids for this weekend (a regular visitation weekend as defined in the parenting agreement), and since I will have the kids for their winter break, before I can pick up the kids, I will have to contact his attorney to discuss terms of that visit as well as other "concerns" that he has. I do not feel comfortable doing that. I am in the process of finding an attorney in that area (my last one can't do it). In the meantime, doesn't the current parenting agreement have to be followed?? At least until another order is issued?? Also, until I can retain an attorney, should I contact my ex's attorney about this???

Sorry for the length but I didn't know what info you guys would need. Thanks for your time.

 

[kat1963]

Nothing can change a court order but a court order. Unless it's written in the order for you to do so or not to do so, I'd tell him to pound sand. If he doesn't following the existing plan then you file a motion to show cause/contempt for every single time you were denied court ordered visitation, telephone contact ect. Thing is, you probably should show up for your visitation. You can try contacting the police to see if they will come to the house to *keep the peace* & possibly give you a report stating that you were there. Documentation or he'll go into court saying you never showed. Unless he can prove you are putting the children in harms way the judge isn't going to change the existing parenting plan. I can't stress documention enough. South Carolina also has a *Peeping Tom* statute which you probably should research S.C. Code Ann. § 16-17-470(E)(5). I wouldn't hesitate to use it against them (her).
Here is a link to some articles that might help:
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm
KAT

 

[snostar]

Yes, the current order should be followed until or unless it is modified. If he violates the order you can file contempt. Your ex has no rights to be making demands that are not outlined in the current order. I would highly recommend you DO NOT speak to his attorney, once you hire an attorney they they will speak on your behalf.

 

[sugarj]

nc Thanks all for the advice. Ex is now telling me that if I dont sign a 'voluntary' agreement that he will withhold visitation for winter break. At this time, I dont inted to sign it. Yes, I do intend to show up to pick up the kids and return a second time with police in tow if necessary. (and yes, I document everything) I have told him that he cannot require me to sign this 'agreement' in order for me to pick up the kids, it is not a court order but did remind him that the winter break is a court ordered visitation. My question. I am to pick up the kids on the 22nd (the beginning of their break), can he in the meantime file an emergency action with the court? If so, would I be notified beforehand? What type of action could be filed? Could someone please elaborate on 'putting the kids in danger'? Of course I know abuse, neglect, the kids being around drugs/alcohol and such but is there anything else? Again, thanks all

 

[sugarj]

sorry, I was just re-reading what I posted. I guess the bigger question would be, show I just go ahead and sign this 'voluntary' agreement with the idea that it would show cooperation considering that he has already filed for a modification? The statement, that I know as of right now states that I would not take the kids out of the city that I live in and that I would not have them around one particular person until the court hears the case. I think here that I should say that this whole thing started when I, on my last visitation, took the kids on a weekend trip and visited a friend of mine. Nothing happened to the kids, no abuse, neglect, drugs....they seemed happy about the trip before, during and after it. Nothing happened between me and my friend but now my ex feels that it did, hence the modification. I guess that I just want other thoughts on the subject.

 

[LdiJ]

sorry, I was just re-reading what I posted. I guess the bigger question would be, show I just go ahead and sign this 'voluntary' agreement with the idea that it would show cooperation considering that he has already filed for a modification? The statement, that I know as of right now states that I would not take the kids out of the city that I live in and that I would not have them around one particular person until the court hears the case. I think here that I should say that this whole thing started when I, on my last visitation, took the kids on a weekend trip and visited a friend of mine. Nothing happened to the kids, no abuse, neglect, drugs....they seemed happy about the trip before, during and after it. Nothing happened between me and my friend but now my ex feels that it did, hence the modification. I guess that I just want other thoughts on the subject.

Well, technically you shouldn't sign any voluntary agreement....and you should tell him to "pound sand". However, its possible that he may withhold the kids from you if you don't. You can certainly file contempt against him if he does but that won't get you your winter break visit with the kids.

If that is all you would be agreeing to do, it might be worth signing....and then deal with the issues in court. I suspect that the judge isn't going to see things his way unless there is a lot more that you aren't telling us. If so, you probably aren't getting as good of advice here as you could recieve.

 

[sugarj]

That's really about it. This is all that I know right now. During the week prior to my last visitation, the kids kept calling me, wanting me to pick them up, they wanted to move in, etc... It actually got to the point where my ex and I were discussing allowing the kids moving in with me earlier than what the parenting agreement already stipulates (within a month or so). I picked them up for the weekend and took them on a trip. we did see a friend of mine (of the opposite sex). Stayed in a hotel, kids fell asleep, friend stayed for a while and left (nothing happened between us). Drove back the next day, kids seemed happy, wanted to know when they could see friend again, dropped off kids, we literally had to coax my son into his dads car. They left. Later on the next week ex calls to say that he is filing for modification of visitiation (got it this evening, it's actually a motion to modify order and terminate visitation). He states in the petition that I had 'relations' with said friend (this did not happen). Therefore, now wants to either have visitation terminated or supervised visitation as well as to not ever allow kids to be around said friend. also is moving to void the current parenting agreement to the point to where the kids residences do not flip/flop in about a year and a half, (motion actually says that it's illegal therefore the court should strike it. why would a judge sign it into an order if it wasn't in compliance with NC statutes?) Also would like to point out that his current wife, throughout the course of their dating did stay in his household several nights per week, they went on at least 3 vacations with the kids (stayed in hotels) and the person that he is accusing me of having 'relations' with is also the person that he accused me of having an affair with. (again, no affair ever happened). Just wanted to field this, I didn't get some of this until late tonight.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, it appears to me that dad was looking for an opportunity to permanently keep primary custody and that he felt like your trip gave that to him. I also think that he isn't thinking straight about it since he halfway lived with his wife before they got married. I also doubt that the judge is going to see things his way.

Get yourself an attorney ASAP to handle the court case. You'll have to decide by yourself whether you want to sign his "voluntary agreement" and guarantee having your kids for the winter break, or whether you want to show up to pick them up and hope that the police assist you. However getting the police involved would be a lot of drama for your kids.

 

[sugarj]

Thanks for the responses. I guess that I will call his attorney Monday morning and ask for a copy of this 'voluntary agreement' to be faxed to me and decide from there. I dont want the police involved. I have so dearly wanted the kids to be free to make up their own minds about me and their dad, I think that by getting the police involved would cause a huge curve on that road. Again thanks for the advice.

 

[snostar]

Has this man you've spent time with been convicted of a crime against children (abuse, neglect, abandonment, ect.)?

Consult an attorney who can give you advice concerning the bigger picture. Your actions now may have repercussions in future court appearances. I would definitely NOT contact his attorney, it is likely he/she will attempt to extract information to use against you in court. I also wouldn't sign anything, even if it is not legally binding you are essentially agreeing to your ex's unreasonable demands. Show up for your court ordered visitation, he if refuses to abide by the order contact the police and request a report for denial of visitation so you have official documentation to file for contempt. This does not mean there has to be a "scene" in front of your children. If you do not get the denial of visitation witnessed, he can simply claim you never showed for the visitation.

 

[stealth2]

Also, your ex can absolutely try to get an emergency order before the 22nd.

Is there something about this friend that your ex may have dug up? 'Cause it really seems as though there's a huge piece of something missing. And - how old are the kids and what might they have told Dad?

 

[sugarj]

No, my friend has never been in trouble with the law. I honestly dont know what my ex might have 'dug' up about him. As for the kids ages, they are 9 and 6. From what my ex has told me, the 9 year old said that she saw us together. I emphasize, we were not together. When I asked my ex to tell me what she said, he just told me that what she told him would imply that we were together. He has never said exactly. According to the papers that I received yesterday, it is alleged that friend spent the night in the room, we shared a bed, had relations, I threatened the kids to not talk to their dad about this, that there has been several occasions just like this, that the kids dont want to be with me if I take them anywhere, that they dont want to see my friend. No, he didnt stay. No, we didnt do anything. I have never asked the kids not to share anything that we do whith their dad let alone threaten them. This was the third time that they have ever seen my friend in their entire life and then its been within the last year and a half. They have always been excited to see my friend, before, during and after our visits. The kids have even asked when they can see him again. I thought that my ex could file a restraining order either against me or my friend (or both). Or an emergency order for sole custody. Is there anything else?? How would this impact the current complaint??