modify visitation

[dixygrl04]

What is the name of your state? tn
my ex is going to work out of the country and I want to modify the visitation, there's no since in my 12 yr old going to his stepmother and 3 kids if his dad is out of the country. he works as a truck driver and wouldn't even agree to when he wasn't home to wait and let our son visit when he comes in. his reason is so he can bond with his sisters, etc. i don't object to his wife calling, picking up my son some, but she is not much of an influence and she is atrouble maker, says things that aren't true about me to him, alot of it is her. we've been in and out of court, he always tells the same lies, i've never denied him the right to his son, he hasn't enforced alot of his rights on his own.of course, he stays behind on child support, etc, and also i had a sorry lawyer who doesn't do much for my situations, and i have been thru this since 96 and alot of my problems are with his wife, i am really sick of this, the courts always seem to believe him, etc, and i am sick of giving into him, when all the sudden he thinks we should just do what he wants or thinks is right. she says rude things to my son and her own child from a previous marriage.back in the summer when he started a trucking job and was gone alot, i told him then that he should just wait and visit when he's home. my lawyer said that he has the order for visitation and there's nothing i can do, they were divorced at that time and just got remarried they are very unstable and he changes jobs all the time, etc. he wants to be adad on his terms,etc. i feel like my hands are tied and this is my son and i am always looking out for well being. in the summer they would not even let him go on vacation with my parents because it interfered with his visit, but i was going to give him different time. he just started back seeing my son in mar03 from back in 02, him and her had trouble and we didn't even know where he was, etc, they had planned the trip when he wasn't even seeing his dad. my lawyer wouldn't really even push anything, i believe the judge would have agreed for it, and for the visitationto change when he's not there also, but i can't get crap out of my lawyer. i am so frustrated, i can't talk to them, it ends up in a fight and i don't even want to talk to her cause she can't get anything right and lies about what's said. i am planning to talk to anew lawyer, but i know it really will be the same thing, and i really don't have the cash. i paid mine 1500, and nothing he said came true, well my ex owed backpay and i took him to court and he tried for custody, of course there was no grounds. but that all is so trifling and toomuch for my son to deal with, and i know they say more things to him than he tellsme, he's quiet like that. i need some advice because i am at my wit's end with these people. it's not that i don't want him to see his dad, it's just i don't seethe need to continue every other wk end when his dad will be out of the country and just make it up when he's home.help!

 

[WyattJ]

Go to your Circuit Clerk and get it modified yourself. You really don't need a lawyer to get a stipulation in your agreement that while he is on the road your son can visit another time. But one thing is right....regardless what the dad is doing on his weekend there is nothing a CP can do about it.

 

[dixygrl04]

i don't understand how i could just go to the circuit clerk and get a stipulation like that, i have tried everything and asked everyone, but most matters end up having to have a lawyer and go before the judge. i also don't know what was meant by one thing is true that no matter what the dad does on his wk end there's nothing the cp can do. i know that what he does with my son on his wkend is one thing, but what i'm saying is that, he is going out of the country and supposedly won't be back for a year. i should not have to ask that my son not go, it should be understood, that since his dad will be out of the country, he can visit them on occasion or something. but today, my son went with them and his dad told him to just call if he wanted to visit. so that was a good sign, but i just don't trust them, the first time we go to court that will all back fire on me, everytime we go to court it's about backpay he owes me and it always ends up like i've done something wrong and i haven't done none of it. it's like he don't see any fault he's done, like not seeing him regularly, not paying child support regularly, neglecting my son in certain ways that he has. as long as him and his wife have got it together, then they want to try to be a family, but the minute they have trouble, then they forget about my son. we can't ever agree, like if we needed to change a wkend or something comes up, etc, they act like the world will end, if he misses, and that irritates me that i basically have to send my son, even if he's sick, or something was to come up, for him, an event or something, to me it only shows selfishness in his dad, and nonconcern for my sons well being, ya know. we live in a small town and the justice system here is pretty screwed up, and his lawyer is just a crock, and mine is too. it doesn't make since to me, that my lawyer can't even try to do something in my favor, ya know. and i really try to do the right thing. it's all very frustrating and worrisome.

 

[WyattJ]

You can complain all you want but he is still the dad. You know what! My son has been sick for the last 2 weeks...my son had to go over there SICK OR NOT and serve his 5 day christmas holiday then comes home to me for 2 days and back over there for dads weekend visit. **** HAPPENS! I don't like my sons dad but I still have to deal with what dad wants....get over it and start dealing with it!

 

[dixygrl04]

well, believe it or not i have dealt with it since 96.my son had to go to his dad's on the 19th for his xmas vac and he had strep throat, i spent my first xmas eve w/o my son and so did the rest of our family. i could sit here and go on and on, and i do deal with it, every day. and they also brought the police with them when they came to my house that night. how stupid. we already had an arrangement.we've never went by the papers on the xmas visitation, we pretty much did agreed on that, i had him xmas eve, he picked him up xmas day, this yr, after 7yrs, he decides he wants to do what the order says. i just mainly am looking for legal advice on the matter of when his dad is out of town, for long periods, in this case, am i in contempt by him not going to his step mother's house every other wk end.

 

[christinaylor]

Your son has visitation with his father, not his stepmother. My guess is that you would not be in contempt for not sending him as long as you are sure his father is not around.

 

[WyattJ]

All you can do now it just get it modified or you will be in contempt.

This year my son was suppose to go to his dads the 19th of Dec but with him being sick I kept him but I had to give up for his dad to have his 5 days during these last two weeks. IT SUCKS! believe me my son is paying for it...they gave him too much meds but there is nothing Icould do but the dr did document yesterday...still nothing really I could do but have the police at my door...I'm not in the mood for that...son is alittle better I gave instructions from what the dr said he will come home tomrrow and see the dr again Mon. So my son is 9 he can tell me what happened and the dr will know. And I have been dealing with this **** since 1994!

 

[dixygrl04]

thank you for seeing what i mean. the dad goes on and on about bonding with the little sisters(ages 5 and 3)and i told him, he is the parent and that is what the visitation is for, he just insisted on going on and on. i have a step daughter, who lives about 60 miles from us and if she doesn't want to come, my husband does not push the issue, he wants too, but he just doesn't want to force her. it is really stressful sometimes, raising blended families, and trying to accomodate everyone. this holiday has been awful for us this yr, my husband's 10yr old niece was killed by drunk driver in june 03, and xmas was just hard this yr, we really didn't need the added stress, but i really should expect it. they are not sympathetic towards anything. i really sympathize with people when it comes to custody, support, and visitation issues, because i have been thru it all, in my opinion it's all just a racket, the whole legal system and all. i've never asked for anything outrageous, but i just feel if a kid doesn't want to go or if something comes up, like an event or something that we can't plan around the schedule and all, someone who is not only thinking of themselves, is going to be understanding and wk around it. my lawyer just is too lazy to even try to make any kind of compromise, and i don't want to keep going to court or even call the lawyer, i try to talk to my ex, but it always ends up the same, i end up sounding like the exorcist or something. and i really have good intentions of not getting ill. but when people are so nonresponsive, it's hard. plus his wife usually says the "right" thing that just sets me off. i guess that's how it's meant to be. again i appreciate any comments or suggestions on any of these matters.

 

[WyattJ]

Do you document everything? Minor or not?

It would be a good idea...just in case your in court again. It helps...judges see a pattern and make their ruling.

Sorry to hear about your niece...it does get better in time but with ex's well they don't...lol, SORRY but sometimes god passes up the wrong people.

 

[dixygrl04]

this reply is to jamie's last post, i know how bad it is, sending them off on meds and they're sick and all, believe me, i've been there. i hope he gets better soon. my main issue with the step mom is she is such an ignorant person, it's like she tries to make people think she's something she's not, like she goes out of her way for my kid, and when he's there, she make thems do all of her cleaning, talks to them bad, and says things about me that are outrageous. the weird thing is-my ex's wife and my stepdaughters mom are both crazy, and i have it coming from both sides, it sometimes gets real chaotic. really, i don't even communicate with my son's dad, but the xmas issue came up, then they called this wk about wanting to see him before he went out of the country. this whole yr was kinda crazy, i took him to court about support, then he tried for custody, it was all a crock, he could have just pd some onit, gave them a sob story, but instead, he tried to be big. told all lies about me on the stand and everything, i really couldn't believe he would stoop so low, like that. i guess some people feel they have to do those things to make certain points. and in reality, he is the one who quit coming around in 02, and all that, we didn't even know where he was, then, they want to blame it all on me. but the judge of course didn't go for none of it. i will definitely look into the modification. i just don't feel like it will be so simple, his lawyer is a real a-hole.

 

[WyattJ]

I can understand about ex's new spouse...my ex has a girlfriend ..and they live together...but the thing is...she is good with my son but she doesn't understand that communication should be between me and dad...not her.

She picked up my son tonight and I had to tell her what my son needs and then she tells me that he will be going to grandmas, GREAT! so later on I called grandma and asked if girlfriend told her what needs to be done, before she could tell me if she did I went ahead and repeated it anyway...I shouldn't have to...I should of wrote it down to them. I wasn't thinking, I do feel better to tell it, I should of done both.

My ex did have a girlfriend (he has never married wouldnt let him marry me either) and she was a bitch. I could never get anything through with her but at that time dad was living with parents and I dealt with grandma then. Been there done that...still there, still doing that.

You know what I have done...always go for the free consulations from lawyers and gather up as much information and try to do this on your own. It can work if you play it right. And don't be bullied by his lawyer. That is what they want.

 

[WyattJ]

P.S. You don't have to talk or deal with his lawyer if you don't want to.

 

[dixygrl04]

i know how that is, it seems like when things smooth out, it gets kinda crazy again, calm before the storm i guess. i do document alot of things. especially on my step daughter-that's a whole new can of worms right there! but i let my husband deal with that, in his way, he lets alot of it ride, because he don't like all the fussing and all. and it's not good, i know that. at first, i wasn't even gonna let my son visit today, because it wasn't his wkend, but he wanted to tell him bye, then my husband said in case something was to happen, i should. so, i went into asking about modifying the visitation, and of course i got same replies from him, and i was going into some things about her, because he asked me, and she was on the phone, and just said something that got me boiling. me and her have had many rounds over the past few yrs, she is the type that calls the law for everything, and i don't care for that at all. but, we live in a small town, and things work different, i guess. my son and his dad have never been close, this yr is the first time, we have not just had to really force him to even want to go. he's getting older and all, i know he needs the relationship with his dad, i respect that. but that don't mean i willed be walked over or my son either. he's a real sensitive, kid, he don't like to cause trouble and all that, he does real good in school and all, i just don't like for him to have to deal with things, especially when i know they(she) says things about me, crazy stuff, only an unstable person would come up with. and i just don't want him up there without his dad there.

 

[WyattJ]

My son is not even close to his dad even though he has gone for his visits since he was 2 months old. Grandma took care and now girlfriend takes of my son.

Its a never ending story..Its hard but I have to deal with it.

 

[dixygrl04]

my son's grandparents are useless, they wk out of town also. but i know how it is, my ex's wife is actually the one who sees after my son alot too, but she's just not really fit. she's the bitch in this case. i mean first class. and if she ever really showed interest instead of maybe jealousy or something else, i would probly accept her, but no matter what, she's always the same. very ignorant also, and she can't never relay a message properly, and there have been times in the summer, my son had ball games and practice, they live less thana mile from the park, and he missed them all, his dad said they didn't know about it, i know better than that. they've never took him to his activities anytime when he's in their care, yet act like they are so concerned, involved, etc. and if he wanted to know things, he only has to ask my son at visit or he could call and ask about it, but that would be too easy i guess. and his wife, kinda likes my son to see after the younger ones and clean house and things, then when his dad comes in complain and say how lazy they were, didn't help, etc, i just don't think that's right, and my son really usually does what he's told. she's just a bitch. every time i finally start gettting a child support check, he changes jobs, they try to keep everything a secret, we have a garnishment. but if he don't turn it in, then it can't be enforced, and it takes awhile to get it started back up and all, s.o.s., back in the summer, she told my son, not to tell me that his dad was changing jobs, things like that .