Modifying Custody Agreement - School Schedule

[ddmz]

She evidently disagrees, and honestly - the overnights DO count in court.

Well, the irony is she actually does agree with that. But she still won't agree on the adjustment based on the sheer number of 'overnights'.

As far as counting in court, it would only matter if it meant she no longer had him 35% of the overnights, constituting shared custody, but even with 8 overnights, she's well below the 35% threshold.

Also, just for the record, I don't collect any child support from her and pay for his health insurance, pre-school, doctors, sports, camps .. everything.

 

[Proserpina]

This sentence:

Well, the irony is she actually does agree with that.

Does not match this sentence:

But she still won't agree on the adjustment based on the sheer number of 'overnights'.

The bottom line is, Mom isn't agreeing.

 

[ddmz]

This sentence:




Does not match this sentence:




The bottom line is, Mom isn't agreeing.

Right. I'm just saying she agrees with the fact she'll end up actually seeing him more. But be that as it may, she's still more focused on number of overnights.

 

[DownTime]

Also, set next to mom, your family members are less important.

 

[ddmz]

Also, set next to mom, your family members are less important.

That's not really relevant. However, to exile family from a child that have been closer to him than his own mother, is certainly not in the 'best interest' of the child.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

She evidently disagrees, and honestly - the overnights DO count in court.

Concur on the overnights counting in court in MD. OP, I'd advise against going to court with the following:

1. Counting the "actual awake hours" with Mom. Sounds waaaaaayyyy too controlling of Mom's time.
2. "My 5 year old, who is just STARTING Kindergarten, won't be able to do important homework and sports related activites
3. "Weeknight overnights won't work because Mom might not get Junior to school on time."(fyi, midweek overnights are the norm in MD)
4. "I would allow..." about anything. Again, sounds WAAAAAAAYYYYY too controlling towards Mom's time.

And finally, I'd suggest figuring out some kind of schedule that will keep Mom at about the same # of overnights as she currently has. Judges and family court Masters in MD like that sort of thing.

 

[ddmz]

Concur on the overnights counting in court in MD. OP, I'd advise against going to court with the following:

1. Counting the "actual awake hours" with Mom. Sounds waaaaaayyyy too controlling of Mom's time.
2. "My 5 year old, who is just STARTING Kindergarten, won't be able to do important homework and sports related activites
3. "Weeknight overnights won't work because Mom might not get Junior to school on time."(fyi, midweek overnights are the norm in MD)
4. "I would allow..." about anything. Again, sounds WAAAAAAAYYYYY too controlling towards Mom's time.

And finally, I'd suggest figuring out some kind of schedule that will keep Mom at about the same # of overnights as she currently has. Judges and family court Masters in MD like that sort of thing.

Thanks for the advice. The 'awake time' is important as the discussion is revolved around losing time with the child, there is no time loss, only actual 'real' gain. How this is presented, if at all to a judge, is up to my lawyer to decide, should we not reach an agreement.

Yes, even in kindergarten - homework and sports are important. In fact, now is the time they are most important. They are establishing routines and habits that will set the foundation. I have a 12 year old step son and the mistake was made of not stressing this earlier on - luckily it's never too late. Also, we're not establishing a schedule for kindergarten, we're establishing a schedule for the next 13 years while our son is in school.

#3, there's a laundry list of reasons and specific incidences.

#4 - Agreed. Did I say that?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Ok, well, good luck with that. I mean, I dunno anything about how MD's family courts work or anything.

If you already know all the answers, why are you here asking questions?

And on #4, yes, you did. Go back and read your own posts.

 

[DownTime]

fyi, midweek
overnights are the norm in MD

Thank you, and I do apologise for speaking out of turn on that if I did.

That norm is meaning on cases that do make it to litigation, as an agreement by both parties can say otherwise and become ordered.

 

[ddmz]

Ok, well, good luck with that. I mean, I dunno anything about how MD's family courts work or anything.

If you already know all the answers, why are you here asking questions?

And on #4, yes, you did. Go back and read your own posts.

Fair enough... In the court room, I heed your advice and I have an attorney that's representing me so hopefully if it gets to that I won't have to do too much talking. But in terms of reaching a settlement, I still feel these are valid, true points. My main concern is just knowing that I'm not being unfair and that I am truly doing what is in the best interest of our child. Contrary to what some may say, it really is not about me... I only care that he has the best schedule he can possibly have.

 

[mistoffolees]

Yes, even in kindergarten - homework and sports are important. In fact, now is the time they are most important.

Fiddlesticks.

 

[DownTime]

As pure curiosity on my part: Did your lawyer share an opinion on your proposed modification terms, or merely prepare and file?

I only ask because since you do have a lawyer, their more experienced opinion would be important here.

 

[InfantCustody]

I have a friend in MD who modified custody last year, because the child was starting school. They had 60/40 (Dad having the 60) from 2 years until 5 1/2 years, lived about an hour apart. Dad wanted to retain his majority and reduce Mom to every other week-end...eerily similar to you. Dad ended up with every other week-end. He went into court telling the judge how very fair it was for Mom to have every other week-end, and how it would not reduce her relationship with the child. I guess the judge gave him a taste of his own medicine.

I have a co-worker who the court ordered Dad have the children 3 out of every 4 week-ends and 8 weeks in the summer.

So, since you think it is no loss for Mom to get to put kiddo to bed 1/2 the number of days she used to get to tuck him into bed and kiss his little cheek goodnight, why don't YOU give up half your overnights? Would you then think it was no big deal?

Or better yet, let Mom have every other week-end and one overnight a week. She has him every week from Tuesday at school release until Wednesday at school resume and every other week-end from Friday at school release until Sunday evening. Or better yet, every other week-end from Friday at school release until Monday at school resume AND one overnight a week. You could ENCOURAGE your son to EXPAND his relationship with his Mother instead of taking it away.

I would hate to be you if you go into court telling the judge that his "sports" are more important than his relationship with his Mother...when he is 5. Good luck with that.

 

[ddmz]

Would you go for a schedule like that yourself as the CP?

I have a friend in MD who modified custody last year, because the child was starting school. They had 60/40 (Dad having the 60) from 2 years until 5 1/2 years, lived about an hour apart. Dad wanted to retain his majority and reduce Mom to every other week-end...eerily similar to you. Dad ended up with every other week-end. He went into court telling the judge how very fair it was for Mom to have every other week-end, and how it would not reduce her relationship with the child. I guess the judge gave him a taste of his own medicine.

I have a co-worker who the court ordered Dad have the children 3 out of every 4 week-ends and 8 weeks in the summer.

So, since you think it is no loss for Mom to get to put kiddo to bed 1/2 the number of days she used to get to tuck him into bed and kiss his little cheek goodnight, why don't YOU give up half your overnights? Would you then think it was no big deal?

Or better yet, let Mom have every other week-end and one overnight a week. She has him every week from Tuesday at school release until Wednesday at school resume and every other week-end from Friday at school release until Sunday evening. Or better yet, every other week-end from Friday at school release until Monday at school resume AND one overnight a week. You could ENCOURAGE your son to EXPAND his relationship with his Mother instead of taking it away.

I would hate to be you if you go into court telling the judge that his "sports" are more important than his relationship with his Mother...when he is 5. Good luck with that.

Bitter much?

Let me set the record straight by saying I have never taken away time from him and his mom, nor have I ever discouraged it. It's actually quite the opposite.

You see, the difference between what some people say they want and what some people are capable of doing are two very different things. His mom can't take him everyday during the week, she wouldn't even want to. Keep in mind, that when I say she has 8 nights a week, it's not what you would expect. It's really more like 2-3 nights where she actually sees him. So being a drama mamma and saying I'm taking away days where she is used to "tucking him to bed and kiss his little cheek goodnight", is simply not accurate.

The fact of the matter is, she's a deadbeat mom who hasn't done a damn thing. Never goes to doc appts - why? Misses scheduled school meetings - why? Only attended one game from sports in the past two years - why? Consistently brings him to school in dirty clothes and tired - why? Makes promises to our son and fails to deliver - why? Has never paid a penny towards any extra activities, schools, etc. The list really goes on.

Like I say, it's not about me and it's not about her, it's about what is best for our son.

 

[ddmz]

As pure curiosity on my part: Did your lawyer share an opinion on your proposed modification terms, or merely prepare and file?

I only ask because since you do have a lawyer, their more experienced opinion would be important here.

Yes, she (and another attorney in her firm) feel what we're seeking is fully justified and reasonably attainable. But what a lawyer says and what it's morally fair could be two different things.