modifying custody

[runnerflorida]

What is the name of your state? FL
My ex and I have joint custody. He is currently in the military and in Korea so I understand I can't do anything at the moment because he is considered deployed and protected legally. I have tried to work it out with him so that I have full custody and he have visitation. He has never been interested so much in the kids until after we were divorced. He does not want to give them up. I only agreed to the joint custody at the time because he would not let me go see a lawyer when we were doing the divorce and I was scared of him. Now that he is in another country, I feel safe with pursing this, but I understand that it is difficult, long, and expensive to go through (to first either void the marital settlement agreement because I felt pressured into agreeing with what we settled on) or if that does not work, to them try and modify the custody. The children themselves are fearful of him, though from what they say he has only "spanked" them, for me he physically abused me 2 times very severly and I only have "eye" witnesses to the aftermath, I did not report them. Does anyone out there have any advice for me? Similar situation?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? FL
My ex and I have joint custody. He is currently in the military and in Korea so I understand I can't do anything at the moment because he is considered deployed and protected legally. I have tried to work it out with him so that I have full custody and he have visitation. He has never been interested so much in the kids until after we were divorced. He does not want to give them up. I only agreed to the joint custody at the time because he would not let me go see a lawyer when we were doing the divorce and I was scared of him. Now that he is in another country, I feel safe with pursing this, but I understand that it is difficult, long, and expensive to go through (to first either void the marital settlement agreement because I felt pressured into agreeing with what we settled on) or if that does not work, to them try and modify the custody. The children themselves are fearful of him, though from what they say he has only "spanked" them, for me he physically abused me 2 times very severly and I only have "eye" witnesses to the aftermath, I did not report them. Does anyone out there have any advice for me? Similar situation?

How was it that he was able to forbid you from consulting an attorney during the divorce? Are you not an adult able to make her own decisions?

Don't take that wrong...but I hope that you see that you ALLOWED him to stop you from consulting an attorney.

You should feel free to pursue any legal action you think appropriate whether he is in the country or not. He has no control over you and the sooner you realize that the better.

 

[runnerflorida]

reply

I thought this was suppose to be a way for us to gain insight and help, not be belittled. When we were going through the divorce he was here at that time and he was threatening me physically and verbally. Since I have 2 children and they were involved in the last time he abused me physically I did not want him to hurt me or them, so I agreed to his wishes. I have spoken to an attorney and he said that what he did to me is considered coersion(spelling?) and that I was pressured into agreeing with the divorce decisions. I know now that I have every right to get legal advice and feel safe for me and my children to do so since he is now out of the country, which is why I am pursuing it. I was writing to see if anyone else had gone through anything similar and could give any advice.

 

[FLFamof5]

Custody Mod in FL

I have been in a similiar situation with you in regards to agreeing to our divorce settlement because I didn't have the money for an attorney at that time and because I was just ignorant when it concerns the laws.

Florida is a shared parenting state. They belive in joint-custody at the minimum unless the other parent is proved "legally" as an unfit parent and a endangerment to the childrens lives.

If you feel that you are not happy with the current CO in regards to visitation then file for a Visitation Modification. Custody is very hard to change. Make sure you document everything and talk to your lawyer about modifying the custody. What exactly are your trying to modify?

 

[runnerflorida]

reply

Right now we have shared custody. Before he went overseas and was still in the area we shared the children equally. Of course, now that he's gone the children are with me and I want it changed where I have sole custody and he is only allowed visitation. It has nothing to do with him being overseas, it has everything to do with the kind of father he never was, the kind of person he is as far as the abuse with me and verbally abusing the children and their wishes also, they don't even want to be with him for visits, but I will abide by the law when that time comes. FLFAMOF5, what happened in your situation? Were you able to revisit the courts?

 

[FLFamof5]

Sorry it took awhile for a response....

I am not sure how FL courts will look at trying to modify custody while the father is away on duty. How long is he away?

In regards to wanted sole custody? As I stated, unless you prove him completely unfit (I mean cold, hard, documented proof) you will have a uphill battle ahead of you.

I am in the process of a custody modification right now but it's not due to abuse, neglect, etc. Our daughter is going to start jr. high and we live in two different school districts and we cannot agree which school so unfortunately we have to let a judge decide for us. Also, our son has been living with me and my current husband for the past year full-time so I am trying to modify to shared-parenting for me to have primary custody. Waiting for my court date now.