Mom Sending Legal Fees Check w/Kids

[wileybunch]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

WWYD?

Mom had to pay Dad (DH's) attorney's fees from contempt motion. She's paying them monthly and has been sending checks with now 14yo stepDD when she comes to Dad's. StepDD is given the check in the open and "Legal Fees" is written in the memo line. Now before you think it's a good thing that stepDD knows Mom has to pay Dad legal fees, I want you to know that Mom totally turned around what happened in court and has told her kids that she basically fell on the sword for them. So instead of the kids realizing that Mom's paying the consequences for her bad choices, if they think anything, it would be to think that Mom was martyred by Dad.

Dad has asked Mom to please not send through DD, just mail it. She paid her fees late this month, gave it to their almost 19yo HS senior that came to pick up 14yoDD on Monday night, again, check out in the open. He said please don't send the legal fees through the kids like that.

Her response:

You're too much. I realized I had forgot it, and no, I hadn't read this, so I sent it with SON as he was running out the door. Is it really a problem for you? Come on DAD'S NAME. Lighten up.


WWYD? Just let it go? Or something else?

 

[Ohiogal]

Just let it go. She is most likely trying to get under his skin and if he lets her know it does she wins.

 

[wileybunch]

I think it's rotten to do that to kids. I never disclosed anything about my divorce and financial settlement with my kids and their Dad was pretty dasturdly about the whole thing. They don't have a clue about it. But, I couldn't see tainting my kids like that. It's not their concern. But, Mom and Dad here obviously have different views about their kids than the other. Dad's thinking is more like mine. Nevertheless, don't know that any more can be said (or done). Either she agrees it's not fair to the kids or she doesn't and will act accordingly.

 

[proud_parent]

I agree with OG.

Is Mom being tacky by enlisting the children as couriers? You betcha. Is it worth Dad fueling the drama between him and Mom? Nope.

 

[truebluemd]

Get over it. Ask yourself if is worth it to go back to court to get an order for mom to mail payments? What does the daughter care. Does she go in the house cussin and fussin at dad cause he's the cause of moms troubles? Has mom words been detrimental to dad and his dd relationship? Get over it.

 

[Zigner]

And, what good is it to close the barn door once the horse is out? Kiddo already knows about the checks...

 

[jbowman]

I used to have this issue with Child Support. It used to drive me crazy that ex used to send child home with checks. Also pulled the whole "woe is me" routine about HOW MUCH HE HAD TO COME OUT OF HIS POCKET. When we went to court to modify stuff, judge ordered ex to mail checks. He never did --- continued to send with child. Oh well. Pick your battles. No one is going to die over it.

 

[wileybunch]

If I thought someone would die over it, I wouldn't be sitting here posting on a website.

OK, thanks for the responses. He just told her that he sees it differently and left it at that.

 

[truebluemd]

honestly stepmom, whydoes this bother you so much? What chaos has this caused in your household that you need resolution? Obviously dad has made efforts with mom to resolve this on his own as he should. Is that not enough for you? Are you here to figure out a way to "OVERSTEP" your role as a step parent?

 

[Isis1]

yeah, let it go. my ex used to do that too. sending checks with the kids. i used the school rules on him to make him quit doing that. children are not to bring anything not required as school materials to school. p/ and d/of is at school.

i would just tell the kids "thank you sweetie for remembering, i appreciate it!!"

 

[wileybunch]

honestly stepmom, whydoes this bother you so much? What chaos has this caused in your household that you need resolution? Obviously dad has made efforts with mom to resolve this on his own as he should. Is that not enough for you? Are you here to figure out a way to "OVERSTEP" your role as a step parent?

There's a difference between how people feel on an issue and what they choose to do about it. Therein lies the difference between those that act impulsively and those that exercise wisdom. In your responses here, actually, YOU have overreacted to a straightforward "WWYD" question. Tuck it back in, really. You're gonna hurt yourself.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My only question would be if there was ANYTHING in the court order about not using the children as couriers? If there was, he might remind the X about what happened the prior time with contempt and say, "I don't want to go there again."

Otherwise, just ignore it.

 

[2Mistakes]

There's a difference between how people feel on an issue and what they choose to do about it. Therein lies the difference between those that act impulsively and those that exercise wisdom. In your responses here, actually, YOU have overreacted to a straightforward "WWYD" question. Tuck it back in, really. You're gonna hurt yourself.

I have nothing else to add. I just wanted to grin, but it won't let me post just a grin.

 

[truebluemd]

There's a difference between how people feel on an issue and what they choose to do about it. Therein lies the difference between those that act impulsively and those that exercise wisdom. In your responses here, actually, YOU have overreacted to a straightforward "WWYD" question. Tuck it back in, really. You're gonna hurt yourself.

You cant make me. really wiley, is it that big of a deal for you? does kiddo ask questions or get upset about it when she takes the check to dad? Unfortunately dad cant control what mom says to the kid even if she wasnt using her as a courier

 

[jbowman]

If I thought someone would die over it, I wouldn't be sitting here posting on a website.

There's a difference between how people feel on an issue and what they choose to do about it. Therein lies the difference between those that act impulsively and those that exercise wisdom. In your responses here, actually, YOU have overreacted to a straightforward "WWYD" question. Tuck it back in, really. You're gonna hurt yourself.

Sorry but you seem quite defensive. You have been here long enough to know the reaction to stepparents with these sorts of questions. You have also been here long enough to know the responses given to "dont make a mountain out of a molehill" questions. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.