More about Shared/Joint VS Sole Custody

[sunfun]

What is the name of your state? It doesn't matter for this question.

I didn't want to steal the thread from JohnnyAppleSeed.

As always, the other thread has spiked my never-ending curiosity and I have yet another general question(s) for everyone.


What would be the benefit of changing from Joint/Shared Custody to Sole?

What would it take for a judge to grant that change?

Here's one of the multitude of reasons why I'm wondering. Isn't it better for the children to have both parents involved in making decisions about their well-being? Isn't it better to have both parents as equally involved in all areas of their life as possible? If the NCP is showing involvement and has done nothing to harm the children, what would be the benefit changing it to Sole? Does the CP just want power? Or am I missing something?

 

[Grace_Adler]

I personally think, under normal circumstances, joint is better for the children than sole. I think for some people it is a control thing. The only thing to me that is hard would be the joint physical unless the parents lived very close. I also think older children do better under joint physical than smaller ones because they tire so easily. I just think it's hard to split the week because of school and stuff. The kids have homework, maybe after shcool activities, eat dinner and baths, ect. That's hard to manage if you're going to someone's home from say 6 or 7pm to 9pm on a weekday unless, like I said, you live extremely close. So I guess, to me, it just depends on the age of the kids, how close you live and your circumstances. I think it also depends on the time set up. But yeah, I would think joint would be better than sole. Like I said, speaking under normal circumstances.

 

[sunfun]

Well said Grace. Good point.

 

[karma1]

just to clarify and ad my 2 cents....

you are speaking of a 50/50 physical placement of a child because in family law, terms can get twisted, etc...or confusing---
anyway, it is possible to have a 50/50 physical placement between both households in that there are 365 days a year and you can divide that in half by doing several things--you can have the child stay at one parents house for school days, (so as not to interupt after school routines, homework, etc....) and then the other parent could have child every summer (typically, 90 days), half of winter break (anywhere from 1 week to 10 days), split weekends (48 days), extended weekends off from school (around 10 days), spring break (anywhere from 4 days to 10), and lets just ad some odd days (around 10)--so, it can be divided equally and yes, this would be in conjunction with the idea that parents are working together on this......and I think living close to each other too---
some new ideas I have heard of---kids stay in home, and parents move in and out from week to week??? what do ya think about that?
IMO-it should always be joint legal/joint physical---no one parent should have all the desision making ability (ie...control) over the other parent, UNLESS---one parent proves to be a control freak shall we say--or cannot handle parenting issues..but that brings up a whole different "ball of wax".

I am a firm believer in 50/50-and the most obvious reason is to combat PAS---at least the children will have an equal opportunity to see and love both parents...
also, with 50/50--all these child support issues would become moot points----
off soap box---

 

[sunfun]

What if the "physical" part of the custody isn't the issue?

 

[bugaboo]

My ex and I have shared custody, both legal and physical. The way we have it is the girls live with me from July to July one year and with him the next...It's worked for the last 5 years. The problem now is that the girls, well my oldest, is getting to where she doesn't want to change schools. I think she's contemplating staying with her dad and the youngest wants to come live with me. I don't know how I feel about that...but anyway...their dad and I talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING involving the girls BEFORE we do it...that way the other parent has a say...It has worked out very well for us and I think our kids are better because of it.

Just my .02

 

[sunfun]

I've said this before bug- YOU ARE MY HERO. You should be a role model to many with the way you seem to get along and talk things out. I think that's about the greatest thing I've heard on this forum in a while-someone actually thinking of the children. Right on bug!

And it took me way too long to figure out the ".02"-maybe I'm not so wise after all.

 

[bugaboo]

*bows head and blushes...shuffles feet* aww shuchs...I'm not that special...you must not have read my post "Separating siblings" I don't know what to do. But thanks for the compliment. It makes me feel like all the heartache and butt busting were worth it.