Mother still refuses to use childs legal name (fathers last name)

[ddadk]

What is the name of your state? Oregon

My ex-wife is refusing to use my childs legal last name even though I have asked her to do so. She insists on using her current husbands last name and refers to her current as my childs father. I feel this is not fair to my child because it only confuses her when she is with me and she talkes about her stepfather and I tell her that she is my real daughter and not him. I am glad that she has a good relationship with him but I also want her to understand who I really am and want her to think of me as her dad. Her mom only uses my name when there is money involved such as doctors appt. so she can use my insurance. My daughter is only 8 and the ex keeps telling her she can use her married name and has her using it in school and all other extracuricular events. It is painful to go to my daughters dance recitals and see her listed in the program under another mans name. Please help is there anyting legal I can do about this. Desperate to be Daddy!!

 

[monnickasmommy]

My brother in law is in this same thing -- What he did he took her birth certificate to the school and demanded them to change her name to what is was on the bc -they did they had to it was her legal name !! try that -

When you go to your daughters dance recitals tell them and show them the bc and tell them you want her last name to be corrected -

This is your right as a father - Another thing is take her to court for contemt for not using her Legal name - To me it is fraud correct me if i am wrong

 

[ddadk]

contempt

I don't know if I can take her to court for contempt, if someone else knows could you please let me know.

 

[stealth2]

Not knowing what your order says, it's impossible to know whether she's in contempt of it.

 

[ellencee]

Is this not considered an intentional effort by the mother to interfere with the parent/child relationship?

In this situation, I recommend asking the court to order that the mother cease trying to replace the father with the stepfather by using the stepfather's last name and telling the child that she is the stepfather's natural child. I think (that in some manner) it would be a contempt of the order of custody

I would not involve the dance teachers or organization in this situation. They are not party to this conflict and it will only serve to make the daughter's participation an area of concern.

EC

 

[shawna maples]

Perhaps you could purchase some type of change of name packet. I believe these packets include something that you can send out to each place (schools, doctor, ...) letting them know the child's legal name. Send a letter with it stating who you are and what documentation you have (that shows the legal name), and for them to make sure the change of name takes place on their records.
If you have a court order stating the legal name, send the ex a letter expressing that it has come to your attention that the child is not using her legal name and that she the ex needs to comply with the court order concerning this matter in the best interest of the child.
we went thru this same thing, it does confuse the child having to learn a new last name after already being in school a couple years. It's best to have it settled as early as possible.

 

[BL]

As the documented Legal Parent you have a right to have your name as father on all relevant documents,and the child's name listed in court orders also used as such.

You can go around to each agency ,Etc, Demand in writing w/ proof that the name information be corrected.

( my x had on school registration ,so & so as Future father to be , for her b/f ) I got it corrected when I found out.

This would also be something that can do Emotion harm to the child .Yes I would think it would be some sort of interference,and i certainly would not think it fosters father/child relationship, and the court would order her to cease.

I doubt if she is in that frame of mind she will cease voluntarily.I would File a Modification Petition making it an Order not to use legally or verbally any others name .

 

[ddadk]

modification

thank you, my current wife and I both feel that my ex has been trying to put a wedge between myself and my daughter. We have tried everything to get her to cooperate and to our face she says ok and behind our back she is stabbing us I hope we can do a modification and get this ended before it goes to far. It's hard enough not having my little girl around all the time, and it's even harder thinking her mom is trying to make her forget me. Thank you again for the advise.

 

[Charleee]

Just another opinion: Although it's very disheartening for you that your ex has done this, have you thought about how confusing it could be for your daughter in "undoing" it? Surely you wouldn't want her to be embarrassed by having to explain a name change to her classmates and kids in her dance class...after all, she wouldn't have a clue as to why it's necessary to begin with.

May I suggest that you not buy into your ex's ploy to get your ire up and let it go for your daughter's sake? Your ex will undoubtedly hit a legal roadblock at some point...let it be HER problem.

Perhaps you could calmly broach the subject with your daughter at some point and let her know that "it's easier for your mom to only have to remember just one last name" but when she's a big girl and old enough to take care of her own business with schools and doctors then she can be called by her "real name" and you will be very happy when she is known as Ms. _____ (your last name).

Unfortunately, there are just too many issues like this that parents use to hurt the ex but ultimately, it's the poor kids who end up confused and hurt when they get stuck in the middle of it.

 

[BL]

My daughter is only 8 and the ex keeps telling her she can use her married name and has her using it in school and all other extracuricular events [ quote ]

" let it go for your daughters sake " When she gets older.

Sorry, I have to disagree. The reasons for custody & visitations is to foster child/parent relationships. Not child with another mans last name relationship.

It is hard enough to have limited visitations without having a cold hearted vengeful X putting the child in this sort of situation.

Do the math 8 yrs old . The OP doesn't state how long this has been going on , Certainly if it was rectified now, i doubt if the child would Suffer any great Emotional turmoil from it. All she has to state is I have to use my real dad's name now . At that age the only damage would be from the persistence of the Parent to continue this kind of behavior.

It needs to be rectified now....

 

[Charleee]

Well, I just think that this dad can promote a wonderful father/daughter relationship, exercise every second of his visitations with her and laud her accomplishments with lots of love. There shouldn't be any doubt in her mind who "daddy" is if he's focused on the positive with her rather than voicing negativity about her mother.

If the child began calling her dad by his first name, then gently reminding her that he is "daddy" and that it's okay for her to be "shared" with her "stepdad."

 

[BL]

There shouldn't be any doubt in her mind who "daddy" is if he's focused on the positive with her rather than voicing negativity about her mother. [ quote ]

I am siding with the original Poster , and to the original poster.
I again say take it to court and have it ordered that the X cease and desist from all this behavior .

To the last poster I stand my ground : You believe the Father is
is voicing negatively about the mother ? Sounds like my X , she was finally found in contempt , and it was noted of her reprehensible conduct. I'm done w/ this thread