Moving out of state/child custody

[ackgirl]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

I've been divorced from my ex-husband for about three years. We have an eight-year-old daughter. In our divorce decree, it states that neither parent can move the child out of state without consent of the other parent. We share custody 50/50 (one week with me, one week with him) and live in the same town.

Ex-husband has decided he wants to move to Missouri to be with his new girlfriend. His first choice is to have our daughter during the school year (8 or 9 months out of 12). However, I've informed him I will not agree to that, but that I will do everything I can to make sure he sees her as much as possible.

He then suggested we "trade off" from year to year -- in other words, one school year with me, the next with him, etc. I told him this would not be good for our daughter -- uprooting her every year would be very difficult for her, as she already has social difficulties.

I know he will fight this tooth and nail (he does not like to lose). I want to do what's best for everyone. Unfortunately, if he chooses to move, we will both be without our daughter for part of the year. I do not believe I should be the one who gets lesser custody b/c he decides to move away.

My question is this: Is there any way he could end up with primary (school-year) custody? I am not an unfit mother, and have documentation proving he agrees. I'm just wondering if there's some way he'd be able to get away with this without my consent.

 

[nowheregirl]

Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No. State laws vary, but no judge allows move aways easily.

He has to provide compelling proof that the move away will be in the best interest of your child. Further, based on the age and gender of your child, it is far less likely that a judge will allow him to move with her.

He will have to file for a change to the existing custody order. The burden of proof is on him, not you.

Moving 'to be with his girlfriend' is not a very compelling reason for a judge to award him full physical custody. And no judge is going to allow an agreement where the child switches which parent they live with (interstate). That is not a stable and nurturing environment for a child.

You do not have to do anything. He has to file the papers in order to get the ball rolling. Sit and wait. He may be trying to push you into a corner to get what he wants.

Move aways can be good for a child and a family. But they are never granted lightly.

 

[ackgirl]

Thanks. He is a bit of a control freak, and doesn't like to be told no, so I think he'll pursue this to the end. And you're right, I think he thinks he can bully or scare me into agreeing to this -- one of the reasons we're divorced is b/c he was very manipulative and controlling. Drives him nuts that I don't do what he says anymore.

Anyway, keeping our personal issues out of this, I really think staying here with me during the school year will best for our daughter. It's her home, it's where her friends are. It's all she knows. I will do what you said and wait to see if he files.

 

[BL]

The child is established . I agree ,unless there is compelling reasons a Judge would not uproot the child's life 50/50 or yr. to yr.

Why don't you offer the father reasonable visitations , agreed upon and ordered by the Court , at his expense of travel , as he is creating the distance .

It would save Lawyers fees and time .

 

[ackgirl]

Yes, I'm totally open to allowing as much visitation with him as possible. She needs and loves her dad. That doesn't seem to be good enough for him, though.

 

[BL]

Tough , he he wants to move he has to bend .

 

[abstract99]

It could go wither way. Just because you are good mom does not mean that he is not a good dad. I shared 50/50 and when my wife moved away she won sole custody. The courts look at a lot. You should get up with a lawyer to make sure that all of your rights are protected.

 

[nowheregirl]

While it is true that it could go either way, the balance is in her court. As lousy as it is for the good dads out there, there is still a gender bias in the courts towards mothers, particularly in the case of a young daughter.

Ackgirl, it doesn't hurt to do a consultation with an attorney in your area. You will need one for the court processes. It isn't wise to go into this without one.

However, if his basis for moving is what you say it is, and you can prove that you are fit, based on the established life your daughter already has, it isn't likely to go his way.

Again, yes, it can. But it likely won't. If you had a son rather than a daughter, and an older child, it may be less of a comfortable situation. Just make sure you have all your documentation together and up-to-date. Be able to demonstrate community and family involvement locally, your involvement in her education and extracurricular activities, particularly if he is less involved in those things.

Things like if he knows about and is involved in her health and welfare, her schooling, etc, does weigh in for cases such as these. The more established a child is in the current environment, the less likely a judge is to grant the change in custody for a move away. It's a matter of the 'best interest of the child' test.

An attorney can let you know about recent cases in your area, including those that have gone up on appeal, and what standards and case law is used and how it is used for moveaways.

 

[ackgirl]

Thanks, guys. Thing is, he IS a good dad. He's an involved dad. As I'm an involved mom. Even playing field there. And I am not out to "get" him (though he thinks I am). I wish all kids had a dad like him. But, if he's going to move out of state, to be with his girlfriend (and I truly believe he deserves happiness and this is a good relationship for him), I just feel that he shouldn't be allowed to rip her away from the friends/environment she's used to. It's a tough situation. She needs us both, but if he makes this decision, one of us will have to see less of her. That's just the way it is.

Yes, I will be retaining a lawyer. Need to cover my bases. I don't want to play hard-ball, but he's forcing it in that direction. Which is really sad for our daughter.

 

[haiku]

massachusetts has the STRONGEST law I have seen, as far as move aways with the kids goes.

If you object, it will have to go to court, (even if you agreed, you should still go to court to work out a fair visitation agreement) as Ma. does not like to part with thier children, and you already have 50/50 custody.

A consult with a lawyer is best as you want all the help you can to negotiate the best route for your child.