my mother wants to take me away from everything i know b/c she found out sumthing

[recycbride]

my mother wants--Ashley D

The sarcasm was a bit much--Since when is a child forbidden legal advice by the way? Are you telling me children have no legal rights to legal advice? I don't think so--And, a child of the age of 13 and above does have the right to decide which parent they want to live with--I think a more interesting question would be why the mother gave guardian rights to the grandparents, or just how did the grandparents get guardian rights--was it requested by childrens services at some point in time or what? Seems to me there could be more to this situation than meets eye--Is she a fit mother? Maybe, then again, maybe not. And, just how long has this 15 year old been living in the USA with grandparents? By the way "Liable", are you aware the Civil War ended years ago? Your comments about the south were repulsive--and I'm a Yankee and I felt that way.

 

[stealth2]

Re: my mother wants--Ashley D

And, a child of the age of 13 and above does have the right to decide which parent they want to live with

This is so wrong that it has to be corrected. Children DO NOT get to choose where they want to live. Only one state - Georgia - allows it at the age of 14. In every other state, a child may (MAY) be permitted to express his/her wishes to the judge if (IF) the judge allows. The judge will then take those wishes under advisement along with a long laundry list of other factors. But CHILDREN do not get to decide these things.

 

[recycbride]

mother wants

Look, let's get real--No one wants their 15 year old engaging in sexual intercourse but, it happens all too often in this day and age. And, dragging the child out of the country is not going to prevent it--She'll be sexually active in the USA or Germany if she chooses to and no one is going to be able to stop her--short of locking her in a room until she's 21 and I believe that's called abuse. I think a more intelligent approach by the mother would be to explain her feelings of disapproval to the child then make sure the child is familiar with the forms of birth control and protected sex rather than to expect sex doesn't exist for a 15 year old and she (the mother) can control it. That's just not going to work.

 

[stealth2]

Re: mother wants

Look, let's get real--No one wants their 15 year old engaging in sexual intercourse but, it happens all too often in this day and age. And, dragging the child out of the country is not going to prevent it--She'll be sexually active in the USA or Germany if she chooses to and no one is going to be able to stop her--short of locking her in a room until she's 21 and I believe that's called abuse. I think a more intelligent approach by the mother would be to explain her feelings of disapproval to the child then make sure the child is familiar with the forms of birth control and protected sex rather than to expect sex doesn't exist for a 15 year old and she (the mother) can control it. That's just not going to work.

Funnily enough, I know quite a few 14-18 year olds who don't have sex - both boys and girls. But that was not my point. LEGALLY A CHILD DOES NOT CHOOSE. You said that a child may choose at 13. That is LEGALLY INCORRECT. All you're doing is leading the kid astray in her thinking.

 

[yung1]

Ashley. first i would like to say i am 14(turn 15 in july) and my boyfriend is 19. presently he is in jail for statutory rape b/c we were caught having sex. be happy your b/f isn't. i have a post on this website also and i know how harsh some of these adults can be. don't let them get to you. apparantly they believe they're perfect beings and have every right in the world to make lost teenagers feel like dirt. though there are those adults that will help you and realize everyone makes mistakes. as far as your question goes...the only thing i can say is try talking to your mom. i know it's hard (i hate trying to talk to my mother) but she's your only hope of staying where you are. and also DON'T run away. i promise it's a bad idea. prepare for your future before you give it up on a guy. i love my b/f to death but i want to establish a basis for my future before we run off and get married. and yes we did risk having a child when we had sex so i guess i should follow my own advice, huh?

 

[no blinders yet]

to yung1:
You go girl!! Well said ... J

 

[hexeliebe]

I was going to weigh-in to this and write my response in German but then I don't know if Ashley actually can speak the language.

So here's a Daddy opinion from a fellow Arkie

Please Ashley look at your initial post. Look at it with the adult eyes you wish so desperately that others would see you through.

Me and my fiance are basicly married but just dont have the liscence yet

If you don't have a driver's license yet, you are not a driver. And if you don't have a marriage license yet you are not married. That's a fact.

I will run away or kill myself before i will go and live with her!

Again, would an adult say this? If you want to be treated as an adult, make adult decisions and earn the respect of an adult, it's your responsibility to act like an adult.

One poster here suggested that you be 15. Believe me, that's not a bad thing to be. I don't know where in Arkansas you live, but if it's anywhere close to Little Rock, drive by UALR and take a right on the road just to the east of the camput. You'll go over a bridge then take the first left. In about three block you'll see the Methodist Children's Home on the left.

Go in there and spend some time with the children who have been abandonned, who are orphans and who have no one to love them.

You have choices here and I know you won't like hearing it but maybe in a few years you'll look back on this and realize that it was just so much drama. What you won't like to hear is that in a few years you'll probably forget this guy's name. You'll have dated so much that you are tired of boys and want to meet a good man who has a job, respect of his friends and can provide a warm, loving environment for you and him.

And even if you don't you have the chance now to learn how life is not always fair and how you deal with the disappointment will define who you are for a long time.

I don't know if your mother can take you back to Germany. ist nicht alles so schlecht. ich liebe Deutschland, besonders der Swartz Wald und Munchen.

Don't run away. Because you carry your problems with you. And no matter where you hide, they have a way of finding you. And running away never solved anything.

And please stop the "I'll kill myself." I just buried a friend two days ago who put a gun to her head because she gave up. Yes, her problems are over, but no matter what you think, that one selfish act has left a lot of pain behind.

I do hope you will seek the advice of someone you trust, an adult who has nothing but your best interest at heart. But if not, please stand in front of the mirror for a few minutes and ask the person looking back at you "Who do you want to be?" and then help her get there.

 

[no blinders yet]

hexeliebe:
Maybe this is just my night to hand out "atta boys". That one line is very powerful and thought provoking. Good job!

please stand in front of the mirror for a few minutes and ask the person looking back at you "Who do you want to be?" and then help her get there.