What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?IL
I was divorced 7 years ago, and I'm the non-custodial parent (with joint legal custody) of two children 13 and 11. I'm supposed to see them every other weekend, though this frequently does not happen. But when I do see them, well, here's a typical weekend with me (note that I live about one hour from where my kids live):
Pick them up Saturday 9:00 a.m. Daughter has school-related activity (optional activity) that she has planned to attend until 4 p.m.; she then has a choir at 5:00 p.m., and a sleep-over that has been construed as having something to do with school. Son is free Saturday (as of what I have been told by their mother today--it changes from day to day...).
Sunday: Daughter has Sunday school from 9:15 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Son has Sunday school from 9:15 a.m.-12:00 p.m., piano lesson from 1:00 p.m.-1:30 p.m., and a music class party from 2:00 p.m.-3:00 p.m. Kids are due back at their mother's at 7:00 p.m.
Okay. So we're in post-divorce mediation hell. The mediator maintains that this is what I should expect from visitation and that sitting with them on the expressway is good parenting, and all I should expect. He suggested that it's ridiculous for me to imagine that I should spend more of the weekend hours with them, and my idea that we would sit around playing Scrabble (they like this) is unrealistic.
Am I completely out of touch with reality? (I don't mind being criticized...) I think the mediator is way off base, and it seems to me that he is trying to impose his values on me. All I really want to do is spend time alone with my kids without interference--I want them to be able to learn who I am, and for me to know them. I want them to feel free to talk with me about whatever is on their minds--whether important or not--and to trust that I won't judge them. I want them to experience that they are loved without my affections being wrapped in a box with a bow. Is this so novel?
I was divorced 7 years ago, and I'm the non-custodial parent (with joint legal custody) of two children 13 and 11. I'm supposed to see them every other weekend, though this frequently does not happen. But when I do see them, well, here's a typical weekend with me (note that I live about one hour from where my kids live):
Pick them up Saturday 9:00 a.m. Daughter has school-related activity (optional activity) that she has planned to attend until 4 p.m.; she then has a choir at 5:00 p.m., and a sleep-over that has been construed as having something to do with school. Son is free Saturday (as of what I have been told by their mother today--it changes from day to day...).
Sunday: Daughter has Sunday school from 9:15 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Son has Sunday school from 9:15 a.m.-12:00 p.m., piano lesson from 1:00 p.m.-1:30 p.m., and a music class party from 2:00 p.m.-3:00 p.m. Kids are due back at their mother's at 7:00 p.m.
Okay. So we're in post-divorce mediation hell. The mediator maintains that this is what I should expect from visitation and that sitting with them on the expressway is good parenting, and all I should expect. He suggested that it's ridiculous for me to imagine that I should spend more of the weekend hours with them, and my idea that we would sit around playing Scrabble (they like this) is unrealistic.
Am I completely out of touch with reality? (I don't mind being criticized...) I think the mediator is way off base, and it seems to me that he is trying to impose his values on me. All I really want to do is spend time alone with my kids without interference--I want them to be able to learn who I am, and for me to know them. I want them to feel free to talk with me about whatever is on their minds--whether important or not--and to trust that I won't judge them. I want them to experience that they are loved without my affections being wrapped in a box with a bow. Is this so novel?
