Navy Father, broke my heart... wants no responsibility for unborn child

[quietlyhurting]

I have posted in another place regarding the father of my baby who doesn't want the child. I didn't mention something about the situation and in hindsight... I should have. To recap. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years dumped me. I am now pregnant and planning on keeping the baby... I am a college student, and I know it will not make my life easy... but it is my decision. The father REFUSES to have anything to do with the child. He doesn't want to pay child support. (we live in Pennsylvania, where he is required to) He also doesn't want to allow his parents access to the child. (I believe that is their decision?) And another factor is that he is a NROTC midshipman... He will be an officer in the United States Navy in about a year. The questions I have are... Does he have the right to refuse his parents access to the child, and What can/will the Navy do to him for abandoning the child?

 

[CJSPARKS]

He can not run from child support. Esp in the service.
The court can garnish his wages. Over a period of years you have to basically follow him but as long as you know where he is and works you can get wages garnished. take it from me get your child support to help support your child finish college but dont push the issue about him being a daddy. He may even come around. You will find someone someday to help you and your baby. there are plenty good ones left. dont be in a hurry though and he'll be where your not looking.

The road is long when it comes to dead beat dads.I wish you luck. Be strong. AND FINISH COLLEGE!!!!!

 

[CJSPARKS]

There is also a thing called Grandparents rights. Of course I live in a different state, He can not speak for his parents. I would wait until it comes out of their mouths before I deny them of their rights.

 

[usmcfamily]

Regardless of what he wants for a relationship with his child he cannot dictate to you whom you allow to be involved with the child -- meaning you can allow his parents as much or as little contact with the child as you wish. As he is expressing reluctance to be involved with the child you will have little trouble obtaining full legal custody of the child and that in turn gives you the right to allow them access to your child whenever you please. As to the support issue - what he wants and what he gets is going to be two different things - - - the state will require he pay and once an order is issued ordering the support it will be garnished directly from his pay. One thing you will need to keep on top of is that when he becomes active duty military he will be promoted periodically and that will also increase his income -- by maintaining a relationship with his parents it will be easier to keep up with this -- you will need to petition for a modification of the support (ask for an increase) if you want to have it increased as the courts do not take responsibility for tracking this for you and increases are not automatic.
He will have a hard time trying to get out of his responsibility -- active duty servicemembers can face serious reprecussions (demotions, loss of pay, admin. separations) for not taking care of their children. Should it get to a point where he is not providing everything ordered by the courts you will need to pursue the matter with his CO -- my husband is an SNCOIC in the Marine Corps and responsible for the personal counseling of his 25 Marines --- including their child support issues etc.....so I can tell you first hand life would not be pleasant for him should he be reported for abandoning his child.
You cannot force this boy to be a daddy to his child but you can force him to be held legally accountable for his part in creating a life -- he will be held responsible for her financial support and as a servicemember provide medical coverage for her. If he is truly uninterested in playing an active part in his/her life you are probably better off not trying to force that issue anyway as it would only give your child an unrealistic picture of their father -- let them sort all of that out later when the child is old enough to ask him the tough questions they will have...in the meantime make sure that you hold him accountable to the basic needs by seeking support for your child and most importantly be the best parent you can for your child as you are the only one he/she will have.
From someone who has "been there, done that" it can be done and in the end you end up with a beautiful child and the reluctant father misses out on A LOT! (and that is truly their loss)
Good luck and God Bless

 

[lindsayilene]

i am in a similar situation with my son's father. he still to this day does not claim my son, and for a long time his family did not know about my son's existence. I sought his family out, and they have embraced him in their hearts. your child's family is a very important factor in defining who your child is. i recommend that you pursue finding them, and let them decide. as far as your ex goes; definitely pursue child support. if he is in the service, it should be very easy to get. i agree with the comment made above though. do not force him into the daddy role. it may push him farther away. hopefully with time he will come around on his own. just to let you know, i worked myself through college as a single mother, and i am now reaping the rewards of my hard work. it isn't easy, but it is worth it. good luck!