need advice ASAP

[mom of one]

What is the name of your state?NY

need some advice.. go to the lawyer today for the first time. to make a long story short (ill try) i took my ex to court for support modification - 3 weeks later he filed for custody. i know its because he was ordered to pay alot more (he warned me he would do this) im only asking for the nys law of 17% of his income, nothing extra. i used him this and last summer for a sitter because it was free, now he's saying that because he had him most of the time in the summer, he should have custody...any suggestions...quick

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state?NY

need some advice.. go to the lawyer today for the first time. to make a long story short (ill try) i took my ex to court for support modification - 3 weeks later he filed for custody. i know its because he was ordered to pay alot more (he warned me he would do this) im only asking for the nys law of 17% of his income, nothing extra. i used him this and last summer for a sitter because it was free, now he's saying that because he had him most of the time in the summer, he should have custody...any suggestions...quick

You "used him?" Why not share custody and ask for a reasonable amount of support so that when the child is with dad, the child has ever comfort afforded at your house?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?NY

need some advice.. go to the lawyer today for the first time. to make a long story short (ill try) i took my ex to court for support modification - 3 weeks later he filed for custody. i know its because he was ordered to pay alot more (he warned me he would do this) im only asking for the nys law of 17% of his income, nothing extra. i used him this and last summer for a sitter because it was free, now he's saying that because he had him most of the time in the summer, he should have custody...any suggestions...quick

It is very common for parents to file for primary custody when they get hit with a child support increase. Judges pick up on that pretty quickly are are NOT impressed. I can't see how him having the child most of the time in the summer could be a relevant reason for a change in primary custody.

 

[mom of one]

You "used him?" Why not share custody and ask for a reasonable amount of support so that when the child is with dad, the child has ever comfort afforded at your house?

I did use him as a sitter, instead of paying for one (he would be responsible for half the cost, so I saved both of us the money).

 

[VeronicaGia]

I did use him as a sitter, instead of paying for one (he would be responsible for half the cost, so I saved both of us the money).

He's not a sitter, he's the father.

 

[mom of one]

well, thats what I thought too, but according to him and his girlfriend - they dont see it that way. They say that since they "watch" him while I'm at work, that I dont deserve support and have asked me for gas money because they have had to pick him up from school occasionally (last year), this year I have made other arrangements.

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state?NY

need some advice.. go to the lawyer today for the first time. to make a long story short (ill try) i took my ex to court for support modification - 3 weeks later he filed for custody. i know its because he was ordered to pay alot more (he warned me he would do this) im only asking for the nys law of 17% of his income, nothing extra. i used him this and last summer for a sitter because it was free, now he's saying that because he had him most of the time in the summer, he should have custody...any suggestions...quick

What a piece of cake.

I could see wanting an increase ( Modification ) if it were under other circumstances,like having to pay a babysitter , but in my veiw, you are the one ' Using " the Father.

I do not blame him for filing for Custody .

 

[mom of one]

if thats the way you want to look at it, thats fine. I haven't taken him for an increase in 7 yrs. I've been struggling to get by and now that our son is older, I do need more support. Put it this way..NYS law is 17% of you income, he's been paying 5% for the past 5 years. I dont think I've been using him for anything. I've been doing him a favor. Not to mention that he doesn't help with any of the "extras" (haircuts, dances, birthday parties, school clothes, sports equipment and sign-ups, pictures, etc.)

 

[VeronicaGia]

well, thats what I thought too, but according to him and his girlfriend - they dont see it that way. They say that since they "watch" him while I'm at work, that I dont deserve support and have asked me for gas money because they have had to pick him up from school occasionally (last year), this year I have made other arrangements.

As far as the gas money, tell them to pound sand. It would be nice if his girlfriend kept her nose out of it, since it's not her business or her concern.

However, he may be able to prove 50% custody using his "watching" the child as proof. And if he does have 50% custody, he should have a lower support award IMHO, but I'm not the judge and can't tell you what a judge will decide. Especially since it would have cost both of you an arm and leg to put the child in daycare, and no daycare can take the place of a parent. Quite honestly, it was not only conveninet for both of you but it saved you both a ton of money, and it was in the best interests of the child to be with a parent.

So if you go for an increase, what kind of hardship will this put on the child when the child is with dad? So many things have to be thought about before doing this. Maybe compromise? More support but credit for the time the child spends with dad so child doesn't suffer at dads?

 

[mom of one]

Im not asking for an outrageous amount...what I get a week right now is enough to pay for his lunches at school and 30 worth of groceries. As far as being at dads....well, he hasn't wanted to go there too much since his dad told him that "he has a problem" because he doesnt want to live with him and that we are taking away from his other family. ( i make around 25K, dad makes around 70K)

 

[LdiJ]

Im not asking for an outrageous amount...what I get a week right now is enough to pay for his lunches at school and 30 worth of groceries. As far as being at dads....well, he hasn't wanted to go there too much since his dad told him that "he has a problem" because he doesnt want to live with him and that we are taking away from his other family. ( i make around 25K, dad makes around 70K)

There is nothing wrong with you asking for an increase after 7 years and after his income has increased significantly.

You did the right thing in allowing the child to spend time with his father, rather in daycare during the summer...and that does not give the father the basis for primary custody....nor even the basis to claim defacto 50/50 since it was only for the summer.

Dad is a total and complete jerk for being mad at your son for not wanting to live with him and for involving your son in child support matters.

As I said before, its very common for ncps to file for a change in custody when they get hit with child support increases. Judges DO catch on to that and are NOT impressed by it.

 

[mom of one]

thanks..needed to hear that . I talked with my lawyer and was told I have nothing to worry about so, I will just wait and see what happens.

 

[VeronicaGia]

You did the right thing in allowing the child to spend time with his father, rather in daycare during the summer....

LdiJ - I would really appreciate it if you would stop using the word "allow." We're talking about the childs father, not a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin or completely unrelated person. I know you don't do it to annoy people, but it is annoying.

Good parents don't "allow" the other parent to be a parent. Good parents put the children first.

 

[haiku]

If you are legally entitled to an increase, go for it. But dad can also go for using his increase in time, towards the percentage he now owes.

Dad is NOT daycare, he is the other parent.

 

[djohnson]

I was not offended by the use of 'allow' at all. Even though I agree he is also the parent. It was mothers time, and dad either wanted him and mom 'allowed' it on her time, or dad didn't want him and that would be even worse. Sometimes you have to take things in context.

Chance are OP, even if you get 50/50 custody, you can also get 50/50 on everything else too like:

half school lunches, half pictures, half extra curricular activities, half drs bills not covered by ins, half clothing, half new shoes, etc....

That would help you also. Maybe since dad is helping you and himself out by keeping the child in the summer, you can do a percentage thing, or modify it for summers. There are ways to work it out, it doesn't have to be black or white. Just because he earns more doesn't mean he should have to pay more always. If he has another family, you are taking away from them also, along with you child while he is there.