Need Help!!!!Please!

[SecondWifeAZ]

What is the name of your state? Arizona

Hello ,
Hopefully someone will take the time to read this story.


I am an unusual case when it comes to my divorce. My ex and I get along better since the divorce. We have three children. They live with me. My ex visits the children whenever he wants, We dont follow a schedule. We shre the holidays in a strange way to some. My ex stays at my home with myself and my new husband so evryone is there on christmas morning. I have also two children from my current husband, and they also go on visits with my ex and think of him as thier second father. My ex has not been able to pay child suport for 2 or three years now. I dont keep him from his kids and I dont ask him for the money. And i dont want him to go to jail ever (he is the father of my kids and that would hurt them).I am friends with his current Girlfriend and shes great with kids.We have a good divorce situation and the kids are happy they know they will have both of us forever.

On the other hand there is my second husband. When I had met him he was doing well for himself .He's divorced with two children. Owned his own buisness, decent car , good home. He worked hard and supported his kids always bought them gifts when going to see them. I found it odd he never brought his kids home for visits so I asked him why. And thats when all the craziness started. fiance told me his ex would not allow him to have the kids at his home , and that he was only to take them to hotels for visits. I asked him if that was written in his divorce decree . He told me no but he didnt want to make her angry. We planned on getting married so I talked him into having the kids over. The first visit was great. Then there was the second visit She called every hour to check on the kids. The day of my wedding she sent a harrassing letter to me. I tried to ignore it. Then the visits stopped no communication at all.She had writton how she planned on taking everything he had, and destry him.
After a month of this my husbands ex charged him with molestation, She claimed her doughter was molested by her father on our wedding day. All our guests were questioned. The case lasted two years , my husband sold his business and his car to cover the attorneys fees.He was found innocent of the charges.(my ex also testafied on my new husbands behalf)During this time his ex would call his work daily and send letters to his office. My husband went into a depression over the time away from his kids, fear of how to be a father when the kids were told thier father may hurt them. At this time we have lost three homes within the past three years, have extremely bad credit. We are renting a small home. My husband has been paying child suport but has a large amount in arrears. His ex has had an excellent carrier and has always earned four times more than him. They live in above average standards. On the other hand we can barely eat. My husbands ex is taking him to court and wants him put in jail. If that happens My children and I will become homeless. I know the courts do not recognize new wifes and kids and we dont count in the whole of things. I love my kids all of them, biological and step I dont want to see them suffer.
PLEASE SOMEONE RESPOND.

 

[StepmomsAreBest]

I have no advice, as I am a stepmom as well and I have 3 children with my current husband. I just wanted to give you a (((((HUG))))) and let you know you're not alone. I too feel myself and my children don't matter when it comes to the "first" kids. It's a sad reality. ALL kids should matter regardless of birth order.

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state? Arizona

Hello ,
Hopefully someone will take the time to read this story.


I am an unusual case when it comes to my divorce. My ex and I get along better since the divorce. We have three children. They live with me. My ex visits the children whenever he wants, We dont follow a schedule. We shre the holidays in a strange way to some. My ex stays at my home with myself and my new husband so evryone is there on christmas morning. I have also two children from my current husband, and they also go on visits with my ex and think of him as thier second father. My ex has not been able to pay child suport for 2 or three years now. I dont keep him from his kids and I dont ask him for the money. And i dont want him to go to jail ever (he is the father of my kids and that would hurt them).I am friends with his current Girlfriend and shes great with kids.We have a good divorce situation and the kids are happy they know they will have both of us forever.

On the other hand there is my second husband. When I had met him he was doing well for himself .He's divorced with two children. Owned his own buisness, decent car , good home. He worked hard and supported his kids always bought them gifts when going to see them. I found it odd he never brought his kids home for visits so I asked him why. And thats when all the craziness started. fiance told me his ex would not allow him to have the kids at his home , and that he was only to take them to hotels for visits. I asked him if that was written in his divorce decree . He told me no but he didnt want to make her angry. We planned on getting married so I talked him into having the kids over. The first visit was great. Then there was the second visit She called every hour to check on the kids. The day of my wedding she sent a harrassing letter to me. I tried to ignore it. Then the visits stopped no communication at all.She had writton how she planned on taking everything he had, and destry him.
After a month of this my husbands ex charged him with molestation, She claimed her doughter was molested by her father on our wedding day. All our guests were questioned. The case lasted two years , my husband sold his business and his car to cover the attorneys fees.He was found innocent of the charges.(my ex also testafied on my new husbands behalf)During this time his ex would call his work daily and send letters to his office. My husband went into a depression over the time away from his kids, fear of how to be a father when the kids were told thier father may hurt them. At this time we have lost three homes within the past three years, have extremely bad credit. We are renting a small home. My husband has been paying child suport but has a large amount in arrears. His ex has had an excellent carrier and has always earned four times more than him. They live in above average standards. On the other hand we can barely eat. My husbands ex is taking him to court and wants him put in jail. If that happens My children and I will become homeless. I know the courts do not recognize new wifes and kids and we dont count in the whole of things. I love my kids all of them, biological and step I dont want to see them suffer.
PLEASE SOMEONE RESPOND.

My ex and I are like you and your ex , we get along better now than we ever did when we were married, so I fully understand you not wanting to ask him for support.
However, since you have a good relationship with him you now need to sit down with him and have a talk. You can explain that although you understand his problem, the fact is that your and his kids' situation is now worse than his. Ask him to start paying some support, any amount will be a help. You don't say if you are working or not, but if you aren't you should find some way of earning some. Hopefully your ex will understand and be willing to give you the same consideration you have shown him over the past few years.

My husband's ex is alot like your husband's ex, so I know that it can be pure hell, and I hope things improve in that area for you. (thank God that kids do grow up and then ex's can be out of our lives forever).

Other than that, I can't offer any other advice except to hang in there.
Gracie

 

[SecondWifeAZ]

Thank You for your responces, its nice to know Im not alone.


As for my ex he is currently homeless , the most I could do is send him to jail.
That would not help my situation, it would just be vengfull.

I have worked as an administrative assistant at a local non profit, currently(for the past month) I have been on leave without pay to be at the hospital with my youngest son(6). His intestines are malformed and needs surgery. I have used up all my vacation time and sick leave to be with him.

I have attempted to get my husband to apply for modification to his child support, I have checked and his support order was twice the state guidlines.
But he never dose stating he cant afford an attorney. Now I fear its just too late.

I know I should go back to work. And I know I should come home more often. My kids need me but I feel guilty even coming home to shower and change. I worry what if my son wakes up and Im not there.


Gotta Go

 

[gizz3]

I am the (wicked) step mom, also, and my husband used the same excuse about not being able to afford a lawyer. I spent hours and hours researching the issue. The difference in our case is that we didn't even know the child existed until he was 13 years old and then the courts found it best to nail us with $30,000 in back support and $1200 a month current support with only 2 weeks in the summer for supervised visitation. We couldn't afford to even exist. I found a pre-paid lawyer site on the net that charges us $20.00 a month and specializes in these kind of cases. When we went to court this last time the total cost was $500.00 and we know have custody of my stepson and no current child support. The mom gets visitation in the summer if my stepson wants to visit.

I don't know what else I can tell you other than, things will work out as the children get older they want to know the truth and they become more open to hearing both sides of the story. I know if your children are young, you feel that your missing out on so much of thier lives but believe me, you can make up for time lost. Even though we cannot buy a house or have other things due to our credit over this issue, we have our family and thats more than any house, new car, ect.
A big hug to you and yours, Peace and good luck

 

[SecondWifeAZ]

I am the (wicked) step mom, also, and my husband used the same excuse about not being able to afford a lawyer. I spent hours and hours researching the issue. The difference in our case is that we didn't even know the child existed until he was 13 years old and then the courts found it best to nail us with $30,000 in back support and $1200 a month current support with only 2 weeks in the summer for supervised visitation. We couldn't afford to even exist. I found a pre-paid lawyer site on the net that charges us $20.00 a month and specializes in these kind of cases. When we went to court this last time the total cost was $500.00 and we know have custody of my stepson and no current child support. The mom gets visitation in the summer if my stepson wants to visit.

I don't know what else I can tell you other than, things will work out as the children get older they want to know the truth and they become more open to hearing both sides of the story. I know if your children are young, you feel that your missing out on so much of thier lives but believe me, you can make up for time lost. Even though we cannot buy a house or have other things due to our credit over this issue, we have our family and thats more than any house, new car, ect.
A big hug to you and yours, Peace and good luck

Thank You for your kind words. You do put me at ease. If you have some information on the pre paid lawyer site ,I would greatfully appreciate it.

Hope all is well with you and your family.

 

[mtbinva]

Thank You for your responces, its nice to know Im not alone.


As for my ex he is currently homeless , the most I could do is send him to jail.
That would not help my situation, it would just be vengfull.

I have worked as an administrative assistant at a local non profit, currently(for the past month) I have been on leave without pay to be at the hospital with my youngest son(6). His intestines are malformed and needs surgery. I have used up all my vacation time and sick leave to be with him.

I have attempted to get my husband to apply for modification to his child support, I have checked and his support order was twice the state guidlines.
But he never dose stating he cant afford an attorney. Now I fear its just too late.

I know I should go back to work. And I know I should come home more often. My kids need me but I feel guilty even coming home to shower and change. I worry what if my son wakes up and Im not there.


Gotta Go

It seems to me that if you are in such dire straits that getting legal assistance through legal aid or equivalent agency in your state is your best bet.

Doing a search on the net for your state came up with this site, although there may be other legal resources. (ref. http://morrisinstituteforjustice.org/)

Just a thought.

 

[yugla]

The law won't help you so...

This is not much of an advice, but maybe you can think about it and find some good. It takes 2 to have a conversation, and one to have an argument. From what I see there are a lot more than 2 who are rational, talking, doing what is best and one sicko who is protected and fueled by the legal resources.

All of you team up and do what EVER IS NEEDED. Remember all the threats you all received from this women? I am sure you witnessed numerous times your current husband paid CS, remember? In fact you were all there. Also if your ex went to court, legal fees, etc for proven false allegations, and he has suffered financially and emotionally that sounds like grounds for a suite- malicious accusations, threatening.

I am sure AZ is no better than any other state regarding the bias towards men, but AZ is also the lowest collector of 'dead beat dads' so they are probably gung ho to get any one and get more financial aid because they have rounded up more fathers. You could as a female contact say the VAWO - one organization that fuels all the bias, and say I am a woman and I am being threatened and my children and my husband's children are being threatened can you help - probably they won't- but be sure to record ALL communication with them, have witnesses present during the call, depending on state statute inform them that you came in on a recorded line.

Do what ever you have to. The law will only help the guilty and stupid - honest , working, have a home and a life, they will take that to justify their livelihood and fuel their own sadistic ways.